[bab]

My Son & only child started experiencing Drugs from a Young age he is now 38. He smokes Weed, drinks and also sells Cocaine ! I have lived along side this life style for more than 13 plus years. I have Challenge him, rejected him, supported/helped him, enabled him and put up with a lot of abuse and bullying. I do not live with him & I now live a 2 hour train journery away from him ! Since moving away over the last 2 years I have been going to stay with him for 5 days every other month before lock down. The months before lock down I set boundaries when in the flat to not smoke the Weed in the flat or drink to much ! Which seem to go OK when I went week before lock down because it was so serious I felt I needed to be there for him as he lives on his own he decided to let me know that I was a bad Mother & wanted me to read an article on Laptop/refer to bad Mother I was upset/broken got me case & headed home. I decided to talk to him once home due to the Virus. I have since brought it up & he still thinks the same, he goes into abuse, shouting and screeming to both me & my Partner now we have not spoken again. As I write this I find it tiring I feel Sad I’m on Antidepressants as I have no hope that things will ever change !!! When you talk to him he thinks the way we live is wrong he lives in denial no getting through to him I feel guilty as he is my Son & I feel reponsible for him Sad and lonely with my feelings. Many thanks

[cornwallmother2020]

I just wanted to offer my support. I have no words but I am going through very similar so you are heard & I am here if you need someone who can relate.

Take care

[bab]

Hi Thank you for replying to my post ! I was not sure about putting a post up it takes a lot ! I was not sure if I would ever get a reply, I stopped looking.

Things have not change, we started talking again, had another fall out, but started talking again. I think at the moment I feel OK !

I think that feeling so alone at times is the hardest thing, it is not like I’m going to tell or talk about what my Son is/does !

Thank for your reply if you ever want/feel you want to relate as you have said you are going through similar please DO !

Take care

[cornwallmother2020]

Hi. Yes it takes a lot. I had to just take a big breath & post my own in the end. For me, its more about getting it out, but a response is always welcomed. Helps to not feel as alone.

I talk to very few people about it. I try not to have too much shame around it as if it were a medical condition we would just chat, this is not much different, its just our society does not understand the complexities of addiction. He is still my beautiful boy & when I share my story (very rarely, with very few like I said) I see genuine sorrow in peoples eyes. That helps me feel like Im not going mad too.

Also when things are bad with him I am a wreck so I dont talk about him, then i become ill (headaches etc) & cannot concentrate at work etc. So Ive learnt its vitally important to share with someone.

Im here 🙂

[Author]

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