[woo]

My son is smoking canabis . I recently realised the extent of the problem and that he is clearly firmly addicted. He has had problems at school always in trouble which has put a huge strain on me and my family this year . I knew he had smoked it once or twice and thankfully he was able to talk to me, be honest and state he made some silly choices and wouldn’t do it again .. he now lies, has stolen money from me to but ….the low point was yesterday, Boxing Day . Travelling back from a family get together his auntie gave him £20 he begged me to take him briefly to his friends to collect his phone charger , regrettably I did as I knew if I didn’t his persistence/ bullying would be unbearable.

I waited in the car , he ran away I couldn’t find him , 20 minutes later came back to car brought him home and was then smoking Canabis in our spare room !!!! Denied it of course , was high as a kite.

I feel totally helpless as to what to do .. I felt like calling the police as I am just protecting him in the wrong way if I don’t do something.

I worry this will lead to something unthinkable, I want to help him but he is verbally abusive and gets very angry which I believe is also the effects of this drug . My question is do I now just stop putting myself and my husband and his brother under this continuous strain and pain by if there is a next time , calling the police ? He has had a few drug counciling sessions at school but it’s just getting worse . I love him and tell him often but now I’m at the point I feel intimidated by him

[ivy]

Hello Woo,

Welcome to the forum Woo,

I’m sorry to hear you are having problems with your son. Since there are two adults in the house and if his brother is older, could you not hold an intervention

where as a family you all sit down and discuss the future problems that can occur long term with if he continues to use. It’s great that you are close and can talk about things. If the rest of the family hold regular meetings with him without judging him or criticising you might eventually get through to him.

Do not give him any money and inform extended family not to either. He may steal to buy more cannabis, but there is no point in making things easier for him by funding him.

When my son started smoking cannabis I did speak to the police and they came round and had a long chat with him; unfortunately he took no heed of their advice. My aim wasn’t to frighten him, but to get him some advice from an authoritative figure as my sons’ father has passed away with cancer, ( as far as I can tell my son started at 15 )

I also took my son to see his GP who organised for him to see a child psychologist but I could not get my son to attend the appointments; after three no shows the appointments were cancelled.

I was on my own with my son and there was more stigma regarding drug use back then ( or it felt that way ) but you are in a much better position.

There are three of you and one of him. Try and set boundaries now and stick to them. If your son is intimidating towards you ask your husband for some back up. Try and plan interventions in a calm environment.

I am only speaking as the mother of an addict and can see where I made mistakes.

Nowadays there are many organisations you can find online who can offer support and advice, and of course this forum is amazing too.

Good luck

Love Ivy x

[woo]

Dear Ivy

Thank you for your reply I was quite uplifted when I read this today.

Over the Christmas period things had got progressively worse .

I picked my son up from a friends mid afternoon on New Year’s Eve the same day he was diagnosed with ADHD ( he has not come to terms with this ) and he was again stoned , I wanted to speak with my sons friends Mum as to address this and perhaps apologies but I felt very ashamed and took him home .

My husband and I are in the process of separating sadly but he is still living with us until things get sorted with the house , his brother is also his identical twin, they are very close and I have pleaded with him to help talk to his brother about the dangers but, and I understand, my other son feels the weight of responsibility and says “ I’m not his dad !”

Last night my husband picked my son up from “ town” I didn’t want him to go, I said NO but, he left the house regardless and said he would walk ( it’s a good 1 hour walk ) so, I caved in and picked him up and drove him in as he said he wanted to meet friends before returning to school after the Xmas break.

After we had called him and repeatedly messaged him 3 hours later asking where he is and that my husband would pick him up my other son finally made contact with him and was able to collect him . When he came home I was horrified…. He was covered in mud, wet trousers ( we had no rain) and was staggering appeared he had been drinking too. My husband didn’t recognise any of the people he was with and said they looked allot older . Which concerns me greatly . The bag he had on him which I took away was full of broken glass . It really feels like a horror story . I called 101 to raise my concerns and they are powerless unless I have names of the people he was with or, if he becomes aggressive . He was verbally abusive to me and snatched my phone from me as I was calling O2 to try and cut off his phone ( for his own safety I believe)

I feel absolutely powerless and for the first time in my life I do not know what to do which frightens me.

I spent some time reading about county lines and my mind was full throttle running away .

I am also conscious of calling the police again or social services as he is already saying I have ruined his life with his diagnosis which to mention , his school and implemented the assessment due to his lack of focus and temper.

Every day I pray things will be better but they are not . I can’t physically lock him up, he’s 14 ( 15 in two weeks ) and 5’9 and I do actually fear him as he can be very volatile.

When reading this myself I can’t believe this is me writing this about my son. I love him of course but I fear this are getting worse .

Thank you for your encouraging words Ivy and sorry for the long story

xx

[danman83]

Hello woo. Hope your OK. I’m 38 now. And from about 13 to 18 I was bad on weed. Litrally everyday. It’s a hard one this because. Kids will be kids and you can not control them or know what they do when they are with friends

I’m the end I just had enough and wanted to stop. To stop any drug u need to want to stop for your self. Otherwise your flogging a dead horse. I wanted to go in the army at 18 so I had to be clean for a drug test so that was my goal. But I never got in the army in the end. Does it lead to other drugs.. 100 percent.. Not always but with my circle it did. I’m struggling with coke now and I’m apart of cocaine anonymous, but that’s another story.

Me personally I’d just keep making him aware what it does. It ruined my motivation to get a good job or a gf or do out door things. Never went to the pub. Was sat in a frends getting high all the time.. Wagging school never went college. I have a lot of regrets from weed.

Lay some ground rules for a start no using in the house ect.. Hanging around with bad mates isn’t good aswell. Sorry have to go

[ivy]

Hi WOO,

Sorry to hear things have become worse. If your son has been diagnosed with ADHD he may be offered medication which might help. When you next visit your GP to discuss this, perhaps you could ask for a referral for counselling a psychologist and/or social services.

There is another thread on here called Theresa, where there are lots of mums with similar stories who will offer emotional support and some may be able to also offer advice. Look it up and have a read through.

I know it’s not easy, but please do remember to look after yourself too.

Love Ivy x

[ivy]

Hi WOO and Danman83,

I should have mentioned it’s not just mums on the Theresa thread.

Lots of advice and experiences from many different angles. Most of all it will give you a place to express your concerns, and if you are anything like me you can also have a good rant now and again.

x

[icarus-trust]

Hi Woo,

I’m so sorry to read your post and see how badly affected and scared you are due to your son’s drug habit. I’m so glad that you have found this forum as the people on here are very supportive. If you would like any more support please contact us at Icarus Trust as we are a charity that helps people dealing with addiction in their family. If you get in touch one of our trained and experienced Family Friends would contact you. Maybe speaking with one of them would help you to answer some of your questions and find a way ahead. They will let you know what other support is available for you and your son.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

Wishing you and your family all the best.

[Author]

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