[brokenmum82]

It’s been 4 years since we first found out that our son was using cocaine regularly and apparently also has used ketamine and mdma recreationally. In that time I hoped he would have sorted himself out since 2 years ago his beautiful little boy arrived in the world, him and his girlfriend have had a toxic relationship from the outset, but I hoped it would be put straight by their son. They split up (inevitably) and he came back to us and after a while he started to disappear, spend huge amounts of money in one night, was in possession of drug paraphernalia, and behave recklessly. His son doesn’t seem to feature particularly highly in his priorities, although features top in ours. He has since moved back to the family home, they quickly realised it wouldn’t work out, he moved in with a “friend”, although not one he would be happy to introduce to us, I’m sure. Now apparently that’s gone wrong and he’s messaged wanting money and hinting for a place to live. I’ve said no to both and feel I’ve done the right thing, but still feel wretched at the same time. Have I done the right thing, especially since I think the innocent party in this scenario deserves us to be there for him without risking his safety or welfare. He has (as has become typical) become extremely spiteful towards us and has told us to have a nice life! I’d like to point out that we have supported him in many ways previously, allowing him to pay a nominal amount to live with us while clearing his debts after encouraging him to speak to his creditors. We felt this was the right thing to do. When he seemed to become increasingly absent, I raised his contribution to the household in order to reduce his disposable income and also encouraged him to set up a savings account. This went well for a while and has now dwindled to nothing. At this point, I feel as though our hard earned income should not contribute to his addiction and in helping him, I am only enabling his problem further. Any advice would help, as taking a step back is killing me, but also necessary for my own well-being and the relationship between us and our grandson.

[paw_x]

Hi brokenmum,

I’m so sorry you’re going through this but please know you’re doing the right thing. My partners parents have saved him on so many occasions now, and at the age of 34 he’s had periods of sobriety but when he messes up he takes down everyone around him. He even stole money from our joint account after he was meant to be in recovery, saying he knew his Mum was putting money in to cover the mortgage that month. She’s continuing to help pay off his debts while I’m left in financial turmoil because of having to cover most expenses on my own. I spoke to my friend about the situation and she said “how will he learn?!”. And she’s right.

Please post on the forums on Famanon.co.uk, there’s loads of lovely ladies there who are parents of addicts and they’ll be a great support x

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