[hct46]

Hello, I separated from my son’s father when my son was 2 years old, mostly due to my ex’s drinking and drug taking. Since then, he has carried on drinking, not been able to hold down a steady job, nor contribute in any other way (eg, helping with homework, buying him things he needs). I now see this as part of his addiction and it doesn’t make me as angry and resentful as it used to! Despite this I have always tried to allow my son to have a positive relationship with his father, as far as possible, while making sure my son is safe when he’s with him (his father lives with his parents so there are always two other adults around when my son visits for the day).

At Christmas I learned that my ex has alcoholic liver disease but do not know much more than that, other than what I have read about it online. It is very difficult to talk about with my ex, as he either glosses over things and says he is feeling fine at the moment, or he is very depressed about it (understandably). Either way it is hard to get any sense about what is happening treatment wise, or what his prognosis might be. I have always tried to be as honest as possible with my son (who is now 8) without overburdening him (the lies and deception are one of the worst things for me about addiction), so he knows his father is an alcoholic and that it has made him ill (the yellow skin is impossible to hide anyway), but not more than that. Personally, I am also finding it very hard. While I have moved on with my life and now have wonderful supportive loving partner, who has a great relationship with my son, it is horrible seeing someone I used to love do this to themselves. I guess I had always hoped he would beat his addiction one day but that now seems unlikely.

Does anyone have a similar experience and how did you deal with it for your children? Who is best to contact to help us as a family? Thank you!

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