[desperate72]

Hi … I’m just new on here and have been searching the net to see if I can get any answers to my questions! Let me give you the background.

My ex is my soulmate – we met over 27years ago and it really was love at first sight! But then heroin got in the way … he chose that life instead of me and our child. He did get clean a few times but always relapsed … we stayed together and had another child but drugs took priority yet again and after 11 years we split for good. However he always had a special place in my heart.. he was the father of my 2 kids and the love of my life. Recently we started seeing each other again as friends (my boys are now adults) and old feelings came back but it turned nasty one night and because he was high on drugs he attacked me and tried to strangle me. This was totally out of character I knew that but he scared me. This actually got taken to court (not by me but by the police) and he had bail conditions he was not able to contact me. Finally this was resolved by a judge and bail conditions were lifted. He then contacted me to apologise which I accepted as my feelings haven’t changed. He explained he is still struggling and still using which ripped my heart apart but he did say he really wants to change. We have been texting back and forth he has asked for money but I refuse. I am willing to get him food but I can’t pay for his addiction. I have not heard from him today, I have called and text but no answer and I just don’t know what to do. When he is doing cold turkey I can’t cope with it.. I don’t know what to say or what to do and it brings back a lot of memories. My kids know I have contacted him but they don’t know we are growing close again I actually think they would disown me if they did know as well as my mother. I’m at my wits end … he has tried to contact his drug worker and local drug counsellor but nothing seems to be moving… any advice would be grateful! Am I stupid, should I walk or should I help and if the latter how can I help! ????

Thanks for reading my rant

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