[holkat]

So I told my partner 2 weeks ago I want to split up. We’ve been together almost 3 years. I knew when we met he had previously had support for problem drinking, then last year during the lockdowns he started drinking more and more. I told him I was concerned, he didn’t think it was a problem, it got worse…he wrote off my car in October, almost burned the house down after falling asleep with the oven on, he’s peed in the back garden when drunk. When his kids come, he drinks and then just falls asleep on the sofa all night and I do everything; put them to bed, make lunches, iron their clothes. He started going out and drinking outside, he’d go out for a ‘walk’ for hours and come back drunk, so so many times.

He’s had a traumatic childhood, suffers with quite bad anxiety and can’t deal with stress or change very well. I’ve been living like this for months and posted on here a few times about different things that have happened. So I finally allowed the words to come out of my mouth and we’ve split up.

We still have to live together until he can find somewhere to live, so now this is the hard bit. He’s struggling to deal with it, understandably, and when sober is basically avoiding me when he can. He’s still drinking though, and when he’s been drinking he texts me that he loves me and makes snide comments like ‘you said you loved me, you obviously don’t’. He’s not aggressive or anything like that, but it’s a massive emotional toll seeing how he’s not coping, feeling constantly guilty and on edge and of course massively worrying about him because I do care and want him to be ok.

I really don’t know what’s going to happen, I kind of just want it to be over and for him to go, but I am wracked with guilt even though I have tried everything to support him and encourage him to get help, and I’m still terrified he’ll hurt himself either on purpose or accidentally.

What a horrible, frightening thing addiction is. It’s really terrible. I hate that this is happening and I want more than anything for him to get help and be ok. I just can’t seem to get through to him and I don’t want to live more years of fear, anger, misery.

Wish me luck getting through the next few weeks…

[luxurioussnake]

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I don’t think he will “go quietly” and leave the house without a fight. My ex refused to leave the house for months after I finally snapped and left him, until I gave an ultimatum. Your ex can stay with a friend until he finds somewhere more permanent, but living with you, drinking around you and sending you mean texts is not acceptable and can’t continue.

He has put you through hell. The very least he can do is leave and give you breathing space, but he sounds too selfish for this.

If he’s anything like my addict ex, you may get suicide threats, especially when he’s under the influence. My ex also self harmed and walked around the house topless so I would see the cuts. I used to have to check he hadn’t killed himself. It was absolute hell and I ended up in hospital with mental health problems. I don’t want you to go through anything like that.

Please enlist some family/friends and all get together to tell this man he needs to move out by the end of the week. You deserve to have your home back. Tell his friends/family you’re worried about him and let them look after him.

I know it sounds cold. It isn’t meant to. I just think you’ve put up with more than enough and it’s time to put you first.

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