[Green30]

My husband has just told me that he bought some weed 3 weeks ago. He suffers from depression and anxiety and thought it would help his mood – he feels it did. He says he has smoked a small amount a couple of times. He was previously used weed, heroin and also smoked crack.  He hadn’t used any of these drugs for about 15 years since going to rehab. This was all before I knew him. Struggling with his feelings he drunk alot for about 5 years but has curbed that now and only drinks socially every few months or so. He has been abusing prescription pain killers over the last couple of years on and off but recently told me that he stopped that.

When he told me about his previous addictions at the beginning of our relationship I was shocked but have also made it clear many types that drug use was not something I could handle and I would have to end the relationship. With prescription meds it felt different as he could only get it when prescribed and I knew if needed I could tell his GP what was going on though he has now admitted it to them himself. If he feels he needs weed to cope now that’s up to him but do I walk away from my marriage now? We don’t have our own home children yet but are working towards this. I don’t want to commit to these things if he may potentially become addicted again. It’s not a life I can handle. And tbh I don’t want to be judged or talked about by friends or family. Because of his mental health issues I’m afraid to tell him this is what I’m thinking. Help please

 

[jamesb]

“for better or for worse, in sickness and in health”

Those are vows made when 2 people are married.

You mentioned you are aware he suffers with mental health issues anxiety etc.

I’m sorry if I come across rude, I promise you it is not my intention. I have tried my best to help countless people on this forum. But as an ex addict myself it’s hard to see how you never once mentioned trying to help him.

Your husband is clearly struggling with something that is leading him to resort to smoking weed again. Before you worry about what people will think about you if they found out, please remember that man is your husband and I’m sure a decent man regardless of his previous demons.

My advice to you would be ask him what’s going on with him and try to support him in any way you can.

 

The reason addiction often gets to the point that men don’t see a way out and some times resort to ending it all is because they feel they can’t talk honestly. He has come to you and opened up, that’s huge so please don’t shut him out.

 

I wish you both all the strength needed to get through this and if you ever need any more advice or support we are all here for you.

 

Take care

James x

 

 

 

 

[Green30]

Thank you for your advice and thoughts.

I have tried and continue to try to help my husband at times to my detriment.

We know what triggers his mental health and we are working on those things, nothing that can be changed overnight unfortunately. I have helped him seek help from his GP, he has had counselling, tried different medications. Believe me I have stood by him consistently facing years of verbal abuse and attempting to manage the effects on my own mental health whilst caring for family members and suffering a bereavement. I don’t think there is anything else I could do for him. I ask him if there is and he often tells me what I can do to help him.

I cannot force him to seek any particular treatment. His current GP seems good, much better than the last and they have built up a good rapport.

Should things follow the same path as they did in his life previously, I cannot afford to get him into rehab and mentally I don’t think I can cope.

I do remember my vows but he has lied and kept this information from me. I know being with someone who used drugs was not something I wanted or could deal with which is why I made it clear at the beginning of our relationship. How do I help him and take care of myself at the same time. He has broken my trust and I now question where he is, what he’s doing etc. (not to him, just in my head) but it will in time affect our relationship. I haven’t forgotten the good in him. I’m just at a loss. I don’t want to hurt him or make things harder for him but I deserve love and care too

[Green30]

I guess I just don’t know if I can give him the support he needs in this situation

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