[huddle]

Well I haven’t had my son visit for over three weeks but he’s been seen begging at various spots around town and my ex-husband (his father) received two telephone calls from him asking for money, “I’ve got no food” “I’m your son” etc. His father refused to give him money. My son won’t get money from me either but when he does eventually visit I will of course give him a hot meal, let him shower and clean himself.

I’ve got a new job which starts next month and tomorrow my husband (my son’s stepdad) is taking me for an overnight break to the Lake District. I love my son so much but as I’ve said so many times I won’t love the life he chooses to live or the addict he seems to prefer to be. The offer of rehab is still available for now but he’ll only get a start date when he shows his key worker commitment and that he’s reducing his use. I’ve had some lovely days out with my grandson which brings me so much joy and eases the pain a little. But it’s an ache in my heart that will never go away and the longing for my ‘real’ son to come back to me and his family. The level of worry is unbearable & each day I pray (although I not religious) that my son stays safe. My son’s begging for money for drugs disgusts me. He gets a tidy sum in benefits and from the begging but every last penny is spent on cannabis and crack. I am 60 this year & I feel the life being sucked from me with the stress but I am trying to stay strong for my hubby, my daughter and her partner and my darling grandson. Some days are easier than others but I now know so much more about addiction and the cruelty of any dependency & the effects on family and loved ones. Stay strong everyone. Sending love to all, we must never give up hope.

[icarus-trust]

Thanks for sharing your story and for your message to others. I’m sorry to read how your son’s addiction affects you. I know it’s hard to deal with all the mixed feelings that it brings.

I’m glad you have other family around you that keeps you strong, but if you would like any more support for yourself please contact us at Icarus Trust. We are a charity offering support to people in your situation, and if you contact us I can put you in touch with one of our trained and experienced people who you could talk with.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

Good luck and keep strong.

[Author]

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