[danman83]

Really sorry if ive not replied to anyone. But ive drifted away from this site.. probably thinking im cured lol well i aint. Im lay in bed right now at 3am. Cant sleep. And when i do im having dreams every day of using. Its really bringing me down. But ive still not used since that one time.

So its once since new year 🙂 .

Im not being ignorant if ive not replied to any one.. its just that there have been loads of new post, and im lost were i was lol

Hope every one is doing good? How is everyones partners? Or kids doing? Ive had to come off face book and instagram again.. its winding me up seeing everyone all happy on nights out lol.

Have a good weekend! Dan x

[dnanon]

Only just seen this. Hope you are feeling ok now. Will let you know tomorrow whether or not my son get’s in touch. Don’t let it get you down – stay strong x

[danman83]

Cheers mate. Hope it goes well for you.

[hox]

Hi Danman. Glad you are keeping off the stuff even with the dreams.

I can understand the drifting, I feel it gets a bit draining and I get quite teary with the posts. Like now…..We do need to start new posts as they do get quite long and go off kilter.

I don’t go on fb or instagram now, like you say it winds you up seeing everyone happy when we are clearly not.

Have a good weekend whatever you do. As the decorating must now be finished.

[dnanon]

Hi Danman, well I suppose it was too much to expect a card or text actually on ‘Mother’s Day’ from my son! Apparently last week his ex told him it was mother’ day and he text me then and said he had a card. I knew in my heart that he hadn’t got a card. What is v odd is that this morning I got a text off his ex wishing me happy Mother’s Day. On Friday my husband managed to contact him and took him out for lunch. He didn’t push him regards anything. Yesterday he took his son fishing. We are thinking that when he doesn’t have the kids may be he goes on it then. I don’t know anymore, so upset today. I found a card he sent me last year that I kept so I could remember what he once said. To be honest Danman, you may even know my son as we live in Bolton, although he is a couple of years younger than you.

Anyway hope you have spoken to your mum today. You keep up with the battle. I am sure eventually it is going to get easier and easier and the dreams are all part of the journey you have to go through to stay clean. So, you have almost done the decorating and got bored with the books. Have you got a garden to do some digging in? Or, my other son who is your age loves watching football, darts, horse racing etc on telly. He’s even got his son, who is nearly 6, into watching football with him and even worse he supports BWFC!!

[dnanon]

Hi Hox, how many weeks have I been on here and still can’t get the replying to who bit right. Anyway you can read from my previous post that I have heard nothing from my son on Mother’s Day!

How are you doing? I hope you have been getting yourself out and about. We live in a village too but not like a rural one. Most of my son’s friends know about him and we have got good at being evasive. All you have to do is keep asking about them and what they are up to.

Hope you are ok xx

[hox]

We read them all anyway DNAnon, I didn’t even notice till you said. Had to look twice.

Not good news you not getting your card. I had my fingers crossed.

I have not been out and about I feel uncomfortable. I have a few parties coming up so hopefully I will be ok by then.

I did think about gardening for Danman now he’s fed up with reading stuff. Weathers getting better now.

[danman83]

Its just i get bored easily aswell.. ive stopped reading.. its hard to make time for it. When im on my own with the kids..

Ive done both kids bedrooms.. i just need to do.the stairs and landing. But im waiting after our hol in july. As we need spends and its all my 3 kids bdays in the space of a month. So its an expensive few month lol

[danman83]

The garden will be getting done soon as it get warmer lol. It just rains here in bolton 🙁

[dfh]

Keep it up Danman, it will get easier. My OH is trying to get back on the straight and narrow still. I guess I can say he is trying. When he last had a craving I mentioned something that stuck with him….I said that when I feel like setting fire to a bank note I’d let him know! Seems to have resonated with him. I also told him about that pocket rehab, absolute godsend thank you, you have no idea how much that’s helped. He needed to feel like he had some sort of control over his use and this helped give him that. Just being able to talk to others who understand instead of me and my empty head helps! Haha! Are there a few of us from Bolton on here then?

[georgia26]

Hi Dan,

dont be too pissed off about deleting instagram and FB, i think it causes mental health problems anyway – its all fake, people pretending they have amazing lives when really they are feeling crap inside.

I deleted it months back, i think i was addicted to it?!! its so addictive.. so i got rid, also it causes problems i think, my bf wasnt a fan of instagram, men are vile on there ha

youve got your holiday soon – i go in 3 weeks, where are you going again? i feel a bit awkward going as my bf obvs cant drink… its all inclusive as well, i wont drink if he isnt.. i would feel bad

hope youre ok anyway, keep strong mate youre doing really good

[georgia26]

also i know in Dominican men offer coke which doesnt help.. its everywhere, cant get away from the vile stuff

[danman83]

Sorry mate only just seen this.. i was sick of seeing guys in perfect bodys, and im in the gym twice a day getting nowere like them haha.

But i really do feel better with out it.

Hows you bf doing?

And im going turkey.. ive never been so i dont know what to expect.. ill be having a drink but i really dont think ill be asking for coke, it could be mixed with anything!.

You cant go to the dominican and not have a drink! Lol its not like hes going to be left on his own.. just stay with him no matter what. But thats up to you. I can understand why you wouldnt.

Have you been there before?

[danman83]

Did you delete fb aswell? Lol

[georgia26]

Well the problem is, he was self medicating his anxiety with drink at first then it moved to drugs. He said the addiction counsellor said he could have the odd drink but I am not convinced, i worry he will drink again and the endorphins will trigger and we will be back to square 1. We went to a wedding the other day and he didnt drink a drip or take drugs and all his mates were clearly sniffed off their heads..

Turkey is good i have been before, you might even get some snides haha they do the best fake designer stuff out there.

Yes i have been before but with my Ex and i didnt enjoy it because he was also constantly sniffing.. I remember he was going down to the looki looki men asking for gear…

if youre with the mrs i doubt youll do that anyway and atleast there wont be anyone out there offering it.

My bf is now about 4 months no relapses i just really hope hes got this sorted.

How are you doing now, did the coke make you feel awful after? what did your gf say when you did it? you are doing really well by the way – keep it up.

I didnt delete FB as I have a lot of horse forums on there haha I have horses, they keep me sane…

I deleted instagram though as you are right, its all fake photoshopped rubbish that makes you feel like you should look that way, it isnt reality at all.

count down to holiday now!!! bet the kids will love it.

[trainer28]

Keep going Danman! You sound like a great dad and the house is keeping you busy

[danman83]

He was very brave going to a wedding with all his mates sniffing lol.

And you are right about if he has one drink it will trigger either more drink or defo coke. Is that addiction councillor mad?? Haha. But some people are ok. I think its different when your on holliday, your away from all the stresses of normal life that lead to use.

You havent had much luck with bfs and coke lol theres noway id get anything off them looki looki men, it could be mixed with anything.

My gf was mad everytime ive had it, and im coming down i have to wake her up and tell her. God knows why. I just had it the once. It really sends me so down and i hate myself for it. It will take about a week to come back to the norm. Sometimes all of a sudden i just get really upset and feel like crying , sad really. She just doesnt help me one bit, like you do with your bf. She never ask how im doing. After 2 month clean, nothing from her. Sometimes i feel like starting a fresh and moving on. But i cant leave my kids.

My little girl is mad on horses! My house has about 100 toy horses of our laylas. She had lessons but stopped. How many have you got?

Yes 3 month today and ill be there. Cant frigging wait.. theres about 20 slides on our complex. 🙂

[hox]

Danman, you are doing great.

Why does your gf not support you? Have you told her that you really need her to? Have you told her how it makes you feel not having her support?

[danman83]

Yes , but shes hardwork, and just says

… i dont get why you just say no.. or want it.. its not hard saying no..

Everytime i lapse i say plz just keep checking on me and i tell her what are my triggers, so be aware, and that. But after my lapse this week, shes not said out.. even tonight were its norm fridays were i lapse. She never does. She just goes mad when i lapse or get it. Which i can understand.

Ill give you an example. You can have coke by putting a house key in the bag and snorting off the key.. this is callled having akey if you dont know.

And after my lapse the other day.. i told her about triggers.. and i said.. you see that key on there.. its a trigger to me because i use a key for that stuff, and it reminds me of using. I was just explaining how it is for me as she thinks its easy.

And her responce was.. pretty sad really dan.. so i cba with her anymore. She is right it is sad. But shes just an angry person full stop.

My mum checks on me and gives me good support. Its not hard really is it.. she seems to think i want attention. She really is hard work.lol

[hox]

I’m glad your mum understands Danman and supports you. You are right it’s not hard giving support, when you love someone you want to do all you can. I’m sorry that your gf can’t do this for you for whatever reason. It cannot be easy to abstain otherwise no one would be addicted in the first place.

Thanks for the advise on the key trigger, knowledge is good.

[dfh]

Can I just ask, has she always been like this or is it something that’s happened over time?

I ask because I try and support my OH and try and encourage him to get/stay clean. It goes round in cycles. He binges, then he’s sorry and says he’s done with it usually when he’s no money left, he stays clean for a week or 2 max and all the while I’m putting 100% into helping him, supporting him, even changing things to remove triggers and then he goes and does it again. I’ve noticed that the reason I get mad and upset is because I truelly believed that was it, fresh start and it all unravels again so I feel let down and like I’ve wasted time and effort and failed him even.

And to make it worse I’m keeping myself away from doing stupid things and I think he’s not interested in staying clean yet I’m able to so why can’t he? Makes me angry and on the odd occasion I feel like doing the same as him since he doesn’t have to quit. Cant have support for myself from him because that would be an obvious trigger for him so i have to cope on my own but help him at the same time. I’m just annoyed. Really annoyed. I give him tools and support to quit but it’s not enough. So now it comes back to why I asked – I feel like I shouldn’t be giving him support and encouragement because he has thrown it back in my face soooo many times and that’s also not fair because now I’m the bad person.

This prob makes no sense but if it does I hope it helps you understand from another view

[danman83]

You sound the opposite of her! Lol you seem great what you are doing. I get the impression from her because im a man.. i dont need support and a arm around me saying you can do this dan.

She doesnt get why after 3 4 week i get coke, why cant i just have a normal drink like every one else.

Shes just sees things from her view. Shes very demanding all the time. If she wants me do something, ive got to go and do it now.lol

[danman83]

Ive only just seen your messsge from 4th april? About bolton

Sorry..

So were r u from in bolton?

[dfh]

Astley Bridge, near old Brierfield pub

U?

[georgia26]

Dfh – No it absolutely makes sense, i was the same as you before. He probably wants to quit and he probably is trying but the addiction takes over and it comes before ANYONE and anything. He needs to be as invested in it as you are though or itll never work.

I get what you mean, you try so hard, get your hopes up and think wow this time is different, he really is changing then BAM relapse and it starts all over again, like clockwork – my OH used to relapse at week 3 usually.

He would call me and say ” i have made a mistake I have had some coke ” and i would kick off and he would binge even more and then he would be so sorry and want help then it would happen again and again, I got to the point i was so depressed blaming myself.

The best thing to do is not give ultimatums and shout and threaten etc it seems to do the opposite – he really does need to want to stop for it to actually happen though, also my OH used to start rows so he had an excuse to do coke.

He now goes to addiction counselling and he hasn’t relapsed since JAN (16 weeks.. ) this is the longest its been and i am proud, he said it really works as his trigger was anxiety and hes talking through his problems now and its working i really hope anyway. This is down south though so not near you but there must be addiction counsellors local.

Again – he needs to be invested in it though. He should want to quit himself, not for you, or he will continue to relapse.

The whole thing is so f*cked up, like before this i never knew what cocaine/alcohol could do to people. Its a life ruiner – i have stopped drinking as well and i support him in ways he doesnt even realise, i dont go out socially really as i dont want him to feel awkward.

I actually feel sorry for people with addictions, its sad..

I want to start a family i am mid 20s now but thats still at the back of my mind, my own anxieties are there and i worry he will relapse.. but i guess i need to learn to trust again.

Glad i can come on here and give other people advice as thats been 1 hell of a journey for me but he has come out the other end..

I wish there was a solution/a cure, there must be something out there, medication or something that stops this, but theres no time invested in addiction, not enough anyway.. its horrendous it completely changes people.

the main thing here i think is the addict needs to WANT to give up, they need to hit rock bottom – it took my OH ages to realise, he was found on a park bench (suicidal) – it clicked that day and he seeked help.

[dfh]

Yep same circle as me, it’s so disheartening when you have 3/4 weeks of no using and then just when you think it’s all good it rears its head again.

I don’t get angry at him, I noticed it made him stay out longer and use more so now I tend to back off again until he wants to try quitting. It’s stupid really but he will realise I’m there when he needs to quit for good. Dont get me wrong it’s hard and I feel like a mug half the time but I know it’s an illness so I gotta stand by him. If I don’t there’s no one else who would. I suppose I keep him functioning.

Nice to speak to others in the same boat ????

[danman83]

Heaton/ halliwell . Your not called becky are you by any chance?

[dfh]

No not called Becky. But I’m guessing the 83 in your username is your birth year? If so I’m the same age as you.

Feels a lot better knowing others are actually quite local to be fair. I get fed up feeling like I’m dealing with all this on my own so it comforting. My brother is no help, and the one mate who knows has her own problems to deal with.

[georgia26]

Youre not alone.. I think this is more common than we realise. Thank god i found this site.

Ah Dan, I do try.. its been hard but i think we are finally getting there – he really is dedicated to this though, he did have to hit rock bottom.

Some people dont want to stop but their partners want them to, thats when it doesnt work as you cant make someone do something they dont want to do, not with addiction anyway.

its a shame there isnt local meeting groups for people like us, there probably is – i would be worried to go to local ones though i would probably bump into people i know.. which would mortify my boyfriend, hes embarrassed by his addictions. His Mum was a drug addict too so it makes you think – maybe in some cases it is genetic

Me too Dan, i hope he stays off it all to be honest – i truly would have to walk away from it if he does, i wont continue. I cant consume my life to this. I will support him as much as i can but if he ends up like he was i just cant, it sent me insane.. i would be having panic attacks everytime he left the house. The feeling is horrible.

Hes given up other things that used to temped him too (if you get what i mean) i think you have to eliminate everything to do with it really, even drinking

I hope youre all doing ok though staying strong xxx

[danman83]

Georgia i cant fault you one bit for what you have done for your bf and helping people out on here. Keep it up 🙂 i really do hope he dont go back on it. With all the effort you have put in with him.

Tell him he needs take you out for a posh meal.lol

[georgia26]

im 26 feel like i am 80 now haha dont drink dont do nothing i am a granny – i dont even see my mates no more because they instantly want to get on it!!! no thanks them days are over for me now ive seen what that shit does.

I have 1 horse btw Dan – keeps me busy thats for sure

[dfh]

Georgia I agree, it would be good to have a local group but I’m struggling to find one to be honest. This forum is the closest thing I can find to any support. The northwest has a terrible drug problem but hardly any support for families/partners.

[danman83]

Its a shame really u cant do anything. My gf mates they all do it. Some for days on end. Least you have your head screwed on.

[dfh]

I really couldn’t be assed doing all that again if I’m honest, I can’t even bring myself to drink much – alcohol leads to other idiotic behaviour and I know it’s not what I want. Dont get me wrong i have great memories from my party days, but I’d rather be clear headed and still have money in my pocket the next day and be able to have a good time with my kids. I’ve told myself I’ve grown out of stupid stuff!! I’ve not done stupid stuff for nearly 3 years now and I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything. I still get the odd impulse but I deal with it. Life’s for living but not for playing Russian roulette with. Kids come first all day long and no way am I going to take risks that affect them.

[georgia26]

hate the stuff now, i call it the devils dandruff lol

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