[Babyfoxy230]

Hi guys. I’ll be as thorough and brief as I can here. Me and my partner have been together 4 years. I’ve stuck by him through thousands of pounds (his money) of drug abuse, lies and I feel like I’m not alone in this being here. However I need some advice on how to help him help himself now. We now live together and there’s no possible way for him to live apart from me. We have a newborn (I got pregnant with endo, we only started trying the previous month after a 6 month stretch of sobriety) and I figured he was ready to start his life. I have a disability that means I’ve used a wheelchair for some years. Over my pregnancy he was wonderful, caring, considerate and I had my bases covered with a locked box for my controlled drugs. Saw no tampering and the keys were on a nurses badge chain in my bra so he never accessed it via that method. Figured I was safe. Meds started to go missing and because I was responsible for them I figured the keys and code hadn’t been messed with so it really wasn’t him. Must be me? Gaslit me for close to 6 months about me being the one responsible. He was pushing the lid. Came clean about it once he almost cost an innocent man his job because yo me I rationalised it being the workmen over an ex addict because I love and trust him. I’m investing in a Yale safe and camera because the reality is he does have to stay here because I need help with the baby and also she deserves a sober father. Am I making it worse by allowing him to still live here? His only other option is to go back to another country and I’m not stupid enough to drag our daughter anywhere other than 5 minutes away from our support network. Back home his mother was the worst enabler I’d ever seen and she happily watched her son take so much daily and didn’t care about the consequences. She wasn’t a user herself but he could do no wrong. I don’t want to damn our daughter to the same fate of watching him die slowly. He’s going to a meeting every Friday, I’ll have the safe and camera. I’ve looked into controlling my mental health and protecting our daughter rather than his sobriety, I have the only bank card now too because I’ll never allow her to go without. However because I’m new to all of the boundary setting and stuff I need to know if there’s much more I can do? I want to help and love him but I understand that I can cuddle and enable him into an early grave. I need advice to allow our little girl to have her father present and want to be sober. Just advice from addicts and partners that have experienced life in this setting it similar to it. One last nightmare to add into the mix is he has back problems, I’ve seen x-rays where his discs aren’t even cushioned and it must be excruciating. He does have a regular opiate prescription that I managed before, in that I would give him his dose every day (6 tablets) then how he chose to manage them I felt was giving him that choice and little bit of freedom to choose sobriety, although now it clearly only helped because I wanted to think that it did in my own head. Him being on different pain meds isn’t an option, he’s tried a few and I’ll never know if they truly don’t work or he doesn’t want them to, so I have to work off the fact that he does have a script for 30mg cocodamol 8x a day. He did agree to take 6 to ensure he wouldn’t build tolerance but in reality that was moot when he was abusing mine and his the whole time anyway. How do I deal with this? Is there a specific way I should do meds? The doctor isn’t aware of any addictions because I ultimately felt like I was shaming him into doing right and saving him having to go daily for meds if the doctor then didn’t prescribe, if I told the doctor it just seemed to take away from him somehow? Idk. Thankyou for helping me help him. Here for the long haul with him as judgement free as I can be while protecting our daughter. She deserves a sober father, and I deserve to feel secure and I’m working on that.

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