[help2020]

I’ve been maintaining my cocaine addiction for around 15 years. I’ve lost friends and family over it. The longest I managed to stop for is 9 months. Generally the longest I manage to last is 2 to 3 days. I dont want to go to the gp or family (they’re unaware) and my partner was aware I had an issue in the past and she’s not stupid and confronted me recently to which I denied. Im ashamed of everything and am looking for a way that I can do this on my own so I dont have to hurt people around me that are unaware. Any suggestions are more than welcome. I am very tired of the cycle now and it has to stop. Please help if you can.

[lindyloo]

Hi Help2020

Welcome to the forum, most people here are fighting addiction or have a loved one who has addictions.

You’ve taken the first step by admitting that you have a problem and want to stop. Be proud of yourself for that. Yes it’s a vicious cycle and you are the one who can stop it

If you read the other threads, click onto ‘share your story ‘ there are many in your position and family members trying to cope.

There is support on the Homepage, as do the Icarus trust who post regularly.

My son is 28 and after 10yrs of alcohol and cocaine use, reached out to us for help. His first call was the doctor, then he joined AA and CA, NA meetings, Currently online. They do a 12 step program, you’ll meet others in similar situations, you all support each other, you’ll get a sponsor.

It’s tough, but with strength and faith and hope you’ll get there.

You should try and confide in a close friend or family member.

You shouldn’t feel ashamed, its an illness, no one should judge you.

You did it for 9 months before, you can try again, people do relapse.

Don’t give up hope, you can turn this around for the best.

What’s the alternative….a miserable life on your own with health issues, lies, debt problems, relationship problems, heartbreak for all involved, including you.

Take care, stay strong

Lx

[help2020]

Thank you for your reply. Im currently on day three of trying for the probably millionth time. I f I can make it through to tomorrow then thats finally a massive step towards breaking the cycle.

Also its so much harder when I do have money which I do today. Im going to try to keep busy and get an early night to give myself the best chance before my brain starts trying to convince me other wise. I do find it embarrassing and am totally ashamed which is why I won’t bring anyone to help. I dont have any friends, I only have dealers so just keeping my mind as busy as I can and ignoring the little “good ideas” that keep popping up in my head.

Thanks again for the reply. It does mean a lot knowing theres other people that understand

[debc]

Hi Help2020,

I can only reiterate what Lindyloo has said, you have done the hardest thing and admitted that you have a problem, and you have gone 3 days, that’s brilliant, keep going day by day. Join some on line zoom meetings, you don’t have to contribute, you can just listen and hear other people’s stories and pick up some good advice.

Think about how you felt when you were 9 months clean, I bet it was a fantastic feeling.

Keep yourself busy, they say exercise is really good for the head, my Son who is an addict, doing ok at the moment, says the thoughts he has in his head are the worst things to deal with.

Keep going, be proud of yourself.

Take care.

Dx

[Author]

Posts