[cherryb]

<p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi, really need some support and honest advice. My husband has had a problem with cocaine since the lockdown. Last year it nearly broke me but been working hard to build myself back up and get stronger.
I am struggling because he is still using every weekend. Still in denial and still won’t get help or shows any desire to seek support or change.
I’m going to access some support soon with a family recovery worker and know my focus will be boundaries and following them through. It hurts like hell because I love him and have been with him 23 years. We have children.
I’m scared, lonely and tired of the cycle. I feel I am losing my strength again.
When it started spilling over into our world again I’ve tried to detach from him emotionally. He goes to work and uses every weekend.
I feel really low again and guess I am just venting. I know it’s an illness but what will it take for him to take responsibility for it?
If people could advise or share  I would really appreciate it. Is it worth hanging in there? Can they change? What does it take and is it worth a lifetime of this if there is no desire to change?</p>
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[Lottier]

<p style=”text-align: left;”>I’m having the same problem with my husband since covid which also coincided with the birth of our daughter in 2020, I’m not sure I can give you any advice but wanted you to know you are not alone as what you said rings true to me too,  he went to rehab just before Christmas last year after things spiralled out of control, he had a seizure so ended up in hospital and was up most nights on a rampage thinking I was drugging him and looking for the drugs as well as other things, his cocaine abuse meant he was up all night and slept all day so had a knock on effect on his business which has now gone into administration.  We had ups and downs since rehab but things started going bad again a few weeks back and I found some used packets, he said it was a blip but then I found a week later 28 empty bags, then 2 empty and 2 full I asked him to stay at his sisters as didn’t want to go through it again and wanted to protect the children. I said he could come back when he started testing negative when he did he came back, as I was still unhappy, he’s decided we need to separate as my negativity is what makes him do it, I am really down as had thought all the lies and worry would stop, but they started again, he seems really excited to be moving on, but due to the business going I have no job, no car and now he wants me out the house so he can sell it. I just don’t know what to do, I feel I’ve lost everything due to his drug taking but him and his family seem to think it’s true that my negativity is the cause, we were happy before he started taking I just don’t know what to do, I’d hoped he’d change but think in my case nothing I do works and maybe I’d be better off separating</p>

[jajoso]

It breaks my heart to read how he blames you for him using. Of course you are going to be negative.. how can you remain positive when he lets you down all the time. He is deflecting because he is in denial and it’s easier to blame you rather than himself. But deep down he knows!

At least my partner doesn’t blame me. But I am still in the same position as you. Loving an addict who puts drugs before us.

I’m constantly looking for evidence and asking questions because I can’t help myself. It’s like I want to break my own heart by finding proof he is still using or asking him a question knowing the truth and listening to him lie to my face.
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