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hi new here.
i found this forum the early hours as once again unable to sleep feeling upset and felt it was time i tried to find support.
my son has autism and has been battling drugs since he was 16.started on cannabis and moved onto ecstacy and whatever pills he can get his hands on.hes been up and down over the last 5 years managing to get support and off drugs but back on them everytime a crisis occurs.and the lockdown has triggered it all again.
he recently split with his girlfriend who messaged to tell me she cant cope as hes chosen drugs over her .the last time they split he took an overdose so when he went missing this weekend i called police the next day..he was fine he was with mates but he came back extremely angry with me.when i tried to explain that i was just overwheled with worry he listened calmly at first but when i started to cry he threw a wobly with me and told me i was paranoid and that so is the whole world at the moment.
he still hasnt stopped being angry with me.earlier on he came home and i went to ask him about food shopping asking what he needed in this week and asking about his housekeeping contribution.( which he is late paying ) he started talking to me but then i noticed my cat crawling into his backpack.i paniced and called the cat i said i not ever sure if you have anything in there.to which my son hit the roof started swearing at me saying it was a pathetic joke and said i was having a dig at him.i wasnt doing anything of the sort i was just worried about my cat.he then told me he doesnt want to talk to me until i wanted an intelligent conversation and that he was upset and that i hadnt bothered to ask him about it..he said i needed to get out so i did
im honestly a very placid person i have tried to support him over the years.he has a serious mental health issue now due i believe to using.but i just end up feeling im in the wrong and that ive now caused him to be upset again.and over the years when hes been upset he often goes missing.the longest was 3 months.it was a nightmare so im now on edge every time i try to speak to him about anything 🙁
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Welcome aboard Newbie.
I am so saddened to hear your story and the mental anquish you are experiencing.
Your son is vulnerable for sure and you be thankful he has someone like you in his corner. You clearly love and care for him and from reading your post That is not in question.
Disability, mental health and drug misuse is some serious issues to be trying to manage. Any one of these issues is a tall order. You need to be kinder to yourself it maybe that according to your son you cant do right for doing wrong. But thats not true. Not even for a second.
It hard to change someone who does not want to change.
You dont need to give up on him, just be kinder to yourself.
If we change our behaviour it can help to change his.
I know that your focus is HIM but there is no quick fix.
Treat yourself and do something for YOU asap.
I know it might not be how you feel but as they say “Fake it until you make it”
Go a walk, play music, keep posting and phone Adfam to get support for yourself.
Do everything you can think that will refresh your body, mind and soul. Keep doing it and your respite, healing and restoration will start to happen bit by bit. minute by minute.
Then you will get more times when you are physically and mentally stronger.
We are listening, we will walk with you, where and when we can.
Take care
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Hi butterfly
Wow reading this really made me identify in certain aspects, I feel for you.
I have a 6 year old who was diagnosed with autism at a young age – I’m still not fully convinced, as he has got older alot of the traits have gone away and I’m not sure people on the outside would know. I did however throw myself into learning about it and went to see a guy called Tony Atwood recently do a talk on autism and his son is autistic and also had a drug problem.
From what I can gather part of autism is struggling to get that sense of your place in the world. I imagine certain drugs would put pay to that for a while and probably help him to feel somewhat normal. The problem is that using always comes at a price and you usually have to pay it back ten fold. Another part of autism is emotional regulation and struggling to understand or see things from others perspective. I imagine this is why he is so angry to some degree, from the outside looking in why on earth wouldn’t you be worried to death about him? That’s natural.
There are studies and increasing evidence linking autism to addiction on the web now – this is purely my opinion but knowing that the neuro diverse moms is wired differently, I imagine substances would help with feelings of being different, separate, outside of the world and would be really attractive to someone on the spectrum. Additionally moderation is also a know struggle for people with autism.
As people have said the first thing is to build support for you first if you are going to tackle this – I imagine the worry and fear around uncertainty is overwhelming, support and sharing is key. There is also a ton of advice and other resource on the web too which will show you aren’t alone.
The good news is that he can recover if he has had enough. It wont be easy with his situation, but it is possible and many people have done it.
Please stay in touch on here and stay strong
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Hi cath
Thanks so much for sharing and it’s good to find others in the same boat too
Cannabis is is a difficult one – people seem to play it down generally and see it as harmless compared to other substances, but I’m not so sure personally
It also must be super tough to understand whether it’s the drugs, his age or the other stuff causing this, or perhaps a combination of all.
Struggling making friends and speaking is such a tough one for him too.
Had he ever tried counselling at all?
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