So sorry to hear what happened to your mum. I would try and ask for help through bereavement counselling, talk to family or friends and if that’s not possible then there are lots out there online that you can talk to about your drinking and everything else that you are dealing with.
The key to this is to start talking, its better to be out of your mind than all stored up there. Whysup on social media might be a good start.
Good luck