[tiredmum81]

Hello. I am new to this forum and feeling really lost at the moment. I’m really struggling with how to handle the fallout of alcohol misuse on my children, who are 6 and 9. I am separated from their Dad because of problems with drinking and gambling. They currently have contact with him which is supervised by his parents. I have tried to minimise my own contact with him because he can be very controlling and verbally abusive. I have tried to shelter my children from the realties of what has been going on, but they are getting older and his drinking seems to be getting worse. He was recently hospitalised for a seizure caused by withdrawal (he suddenly tried to stop drinking) and he was badly injured. How can I talk to my children about what is going on? What should I tell them? They have started asking questions. I’m also worried about the genetic element to addiction and want them to be aware and have the tools to make different decisions from their Dad. I am terrified of the impact this will have on them, and feel totally overwhelmed.

I also feel guilty because the children can’t understand why I don’t have contact with their Dad. They want me to join them on visits. When I do try and contact him, things go downhill completely. Either he gets angry or he starts trying to control me, insisting I do certain things. For my own sanity, it’s better I have minimal contact with him, but it makes me feel so guilty and selfish to see how sad it makes the kids and I don’t know how to make this better for them.

Does anyone have any thoughts or experience on how best to support the young children of an addict?

[lindyloo]

Hi tired mum

Welcome to the forum. I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. Everyone on this forum has been affected by drugs and alcohol, whether it be parents, relatives and also some advice and support from people in recovery .

I am in a different situation as it’s my adult son who has addictions.

If you read the other threads, there are others in your situation, who have younger children.

The forum itself has advice and support, but sometimes it’s comforting to talk to others in similar situations.

First and foremost, look after yourself and your children, it’s such an evil thing addiction, but if you’re armed with lots of support and advice, it will give you strength to get through it.

Take care, stay strong and look after yourself.

Lx

[icarus-trust]

Thank you for sharing your story and hopefully you will feel not so alone through talking with people on this forum.

It must be very hard for you to cope with your children’s feelings while protecting them from the situation with their dad. If you would like some further help for yourself please contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that provides support for people that are affected by a partner’s addiction. We know hard this can be and have specially trained people who you could talk with if you get in touch. Maybe talking with one of them will help you to find a way forward.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the best.

[Author]

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