[ces1175]

Our son Dan who is just 16. We’ve had issues with him regarding various drugs over the last 18mths. Its now controlling his life. Weed and drink now seems to be his choice. He does it virtually every day and can’t seem to function without it.

Dan basically is a complete pot head ,who has spent the last 2 weeks wasted. He has been arrested during this time (possession of a swiss army knife, no charges) . He also steals from us and his brothers.

We feel completely helpless. He has no respect for us at all and uses the house as bed and board. I have referred myself to social services but they haven’t been in touch. We’ve had a family support worker in the past. Useless.

Does anyone have any advice? I don’t feel I’m being proactive enough and therefore it’s almost like giving him permission to carry on. We restrict money, lock everything up but with it being christmas he’s had cash as gifts.

It’s breaking my heart seeing my boy on self destruct. Is there any help out there?

Sorry for the ramble. Thanks for listening. X

[joanie59]

Hi cess

It’s very scary seeing your son self destruct

My son has been like that since 16 he 49 now and made my life miserable

I should have been harder on him from the start I did threaten to put his photo up in all the off licences when he was 15

He always look older than he was

He has never towed the line he has always been out of control it was girls money or drink or just doing what he wanted and never a thought for anyone

He joined the navy at 16 at all that did was teach him how to drink

I think is a fault in their genes he’s has an

Addictive personality

Fast forward to now 2 wives later

Lost homes due to debt lost relationships due to drink

He’s lost everything and now he’s still using me as a crutch

My only advise is to get help for yourself

And be as hard as you can with him

I’ve enabled my son and it’s made him worse

It’s hard you don’t want him to fail or be in trouble but the more you cover or make things right the easier you make it for him to be the way he is

I wish I’d been stronger I’m 69 now his latest thing is binge drinking he’s been in hospital 5 times this year

It’s horrible to see him wrecked being sick looking like a homeless person

I live 150 miles from him and I’ve been up and down the country all year

My life revolves around his actions

I’ve been with him for the last 7 weeks

He’s sober but as soon as I go he will be back on the booze

All us mums on here do what we do because we love our sons /daughters

Sorry for rattling on

Wish I could be more help

Be kind to yourself

Hugs

Joanie x

[lindyloo]

Hi Joanie,

Hope you’re doing okay. My son also has an addictive nature, whatever he does, it’s 100%.

I believe many people with addictions have mental health issues, ie ADHD, OCD .

Your son is like mine, a grown man, making there own choices, right or wrong. It’s very hard to stand back and watch them make mistakes and destroy their lives.

But as long as they know we love them, but can’t let the addiction take over. It’s easier to support them if they’re trying a bit.

Stay strong

Lx ❤

[lindyloo]

Hi Cess, welcome to the forum, everyone here has a loved one who has addictions.

I’m so sorry to read your story, its all very familiar to me and other mums on this forum.

The Adfam homepage offer advice and support also Drugfam or the Icarus trust post here.

I wish I had all the answers, but I do know that it’s difficult to support them until they admit they have a problem and need help and support. Your son is so young, they think they are invincible at this age. My son was dabbling at 14 , but it escalated over the years.

We didn’t realise it at the time but he “partied ” hard. He progressed to cocaine in his late teens, the alcohol is a trigger for cocaine.

Two years ago, he was about to lose everything, came to us for help. He joined AA and CA groups, there have been relapses but this happens.

He is currently 6mth+ clean , every day is a battle for him, this festive period is a difficult time for people in recovery.

I joined the Theresa thread here, we are all mums with sons with addictions, everyone is so kind and supportive and you don’t feel so alone.

Joanie is right, please look after yourself and your well being .

Always here to chat or vent.

Lx

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