[confused23]

Hi everyone!
I have been on this site a couple of times and gone through and read peoples stories etc. I have also posted my own stuff here and there and right now I’m currently struggling. My husband of 4 years is an addict. His drugs of choice are meth and cocaine. I have known my husband since I was 10 years old and we used to be close growing up etc until he had moved away. I then ended up in an abusive relationship of 13 years left that with my 4 children and found my now husband again. We reconnected etc and I seen so much good in him despite his history. So I gave it a shot and then we ended up married. There for awhile it was great he remained sober etc. but then one day he had relapsed and I could tell instantly and it’s awful. As soon as I confront the situation everytime cause I know it would be a crazy fight. Things broken, the most awful things would be said to me etc….after that sober for awhile in 2020 we’ll come 2021 he started dabbling in cocaine again and that’s when I started catching him watching a lot of porn and when we weren’t able to do things ourselves he would blame me for his stuff not working properly cause of the drugs. It made me so insecure and made me feel just awful. And mind you I was already insecure from my last relationship but when me and my husband first started he made me feel good again and now I question if I’m enough or if there is ever someone else. Anyways so throughout 2021 he struggled a lot with drug use and he would get to where he would rage and just lose it. I’m July of 2022 when some family friends came down to Texas and we met with them in Galveston we were suppose to have a good day! Well nope didn’t happen. My husband said he was going to the store for more drinks etc and when he came back I could tell he had used!! He ended up going off at the end of the evening and just crazy tore things up etc so finally he was told to leave and me and my girls stayed with my family friends at the hotel. All that night he messaged me saying the meanest things to me about my appearance etc so the next day I made the decision I was going back to Oklahoma. So they took me and we rented a uhaul trailer and we left for 3 months! I came back October of 2022 and things were good til they weren’t all over again! Well November is when things went downhill he had to go out of town for work over in Odessa Texas that’s 8 hours from where we lived and he promised he would stay clean since he had been and proving himself! Well I should of known but I wanted to have faith in the situation and sure enough he met up with his uncle in Hobbs, NM and ended up back on meth!!! He quit that job once he realized he couldn’t do the out of town stuff and got clean again. Well now he’s back to doing electrical work and guess where he is now! He’s in Odessa for work and my anxiety is freakin chaos! I think I’m going to drug test him when he gets home cause I feel that I should but he has been doing good. But at the same time People, Places and things. Sometimes I feel like why continue our marriage when there’s been so much damage and he can’t handle all the consequences that have come with his mistakes but then I look at the fact I know he can do it cause I have seen him do it. I’m literally stuck in a rock and a hard place

[Author]

Posts