[lilgunner]

Hi everyone, firstly I want to say thank you to everyone who has read my posts and given me advice, it really meant so much during a difficult time in my life.

I have decided to move on with my life and to find the old me, the person I was before a friends addiction swept through my life in 2019.

As some of you might be aware, his addiction and time on cocaine was so hard on my mental health, making me unwell.

I want to use this platform to lastly to say that whoever has a loved one going through addiction try and pull yourself out and concentrate on your own well-being, you can be kind, thoughtful and compassionate but from a healthy distance whilst remembering you are always number 1.

My friend who I developed strong feelings towards, used his time on cocaine to cause me significant pain and harm. He is 154 days clean now, but his mentality still needs a huge amount of work.

He offered to make an amends and to go through his inventory with me, but that never came. Instead, he found comfort in the arms of another woman, a woman whom he used agaisnt me whilst on drugs to make me feel worthless. He would send me images of other women whilst high saying he had no recollection of that time. He said he is looking forward to having children and getting married, as you can imagine that was hard to hear. He used to send me images of women, this woman in particular when high and tell me he wants me to see him at his best when he was supposedly back to normal. I never want to feel like that again. He decided that because I didn’t take him up on his offer in the first few weeks after he came home from rehab that he would instead go and be with someone who contributed towards his time of active addiction. He is now in New York and no longer in England. He said this woman had been supportive throughout his time on drugs, which left me gobsmacked – she actually allowed him to use last year whilst she was in the UK to fullfil his fantasies, whilst always promising me he liked me and wanted to start something with me. We were on a communication break after he got out of rehab, but like his time on cocaine he never acknowledged anything I said, I told him to let me know when he was ready to make amends as I understood this to be an important part of his recovery. This has been a massive learning curb for me and I will gaurd myself in the future.

I know some of the above sounds like I hold a lot of resentment, and in part I do but I am still proud of his efforts and getting clean, but the manipulative element still seems to be in full swing. I hope he can overcome all his demons

It will take time to heal, but I am getting there each day. I have had to understand things by myself and with use of forums like Adfam, which I will be forever grateful for.

Particularly, Danman8, Thank you so much for the time you spoke to me, he was so helpful. Keep up your journey of recovery and always remember you’re not alone.

[lorry321]

Hi Lilgunner

I am new to this forum and have just read this post.

I’m sending you love and hope for a happy future and the good, kind, decent and loving person that you are shines through in all your words.

It seems to me that you have been a victim of someone being cruel to you and if you can close this chapter of your life, new happy chapters can be written.

Be as good and kind to yourself as you possibly can in 2022, you are worth so much more than how you have been treated and there is happiness out there for you in another place. ????

[lilgunner]

Thank you Lorry321,

Your words have not gone unnoticed and it is very supportive and encouraging.

I decided to draw a line in the sand and move on with my life. You’re right, being on cocaine and coming out of rehab has shown me there was never a kind side to this man and he has simply been cruel. I understand addiction and all that entails, but we live in hope that our efforts don’t go unnoticed and he never once has acknowledged my efforts.

I wasn’t hoping for a fall blown relationship as recovery and the both don’t go hand in hand, but it would’ve been nice to get to know him over the next year but clearly he had already made his mind up. There was elements of truth born out of his time on cocaine, he couldn’t understand this and I had to explain that I’m glad in all seriousness that the amends didn’t take place – how can he apologise for the hurt and pain caused when he’s run off to be with someone who fed into his addictive ways, not just cocaine but the sexual addiction that came with his time whilst high.

I hope he can continue on his road of recovery, but I don’t need the fallout anymore. It’s painful being on the outside looking in. He is currently having therapy for his sexual related issues, however I find this strange when he is with someone who was part of the problems he was facing.

As soon as I realised that his addiction was more than just cocaine I told him I would be supportive, but it fell on death ears.

I hope one day I can look back on this time and be proud of how far I’ve come, I will never change my ways and caring for those in need.

X

[lilgunner]

Just to clarify I never accepted his time on cocaine but the more time went on the more I could see how bigger his problems were.

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