[MistyMou]

Hi everyone,

I, too, like many others, am so glad to have found this site.

After six years clean (basically from just after we met), my incredibly loving, caring, funny and faithful husband, who talked to me about everything and never lied, relapsed two months ago with G and Crystal Meth.

What I thought was an invincible partnership is so quickly falling apart and disintegrating before my very eyes. And from someone who was trusted implicitly in every single aspect of our lives and feelings, I no longer trust to even go to the bathroom or into the kitchen, and I feel so helpless. To make things worse, he is a psychologist who works for a charity, with addicts so knows every trick in the book.

As soon as I realised what was happening, about a week after he had relapsed, I thought we had put a lid on it. We went on holiday for 10 days, where he stayed clean – but drank more than he normally does – although it was a holiday. Before we went, he found an addiction counsellor that he liked, and through NA/CMA/AA he had pulled together a circle of supporters.

Within a few days of being back in the UK, he was back on it, even going to meetings high, and saying to other addicts that he had been clean. Running rings around his counsellor and support buddies, saying exactly what they needed to hear, but it has all been lip service.

He told me that he had quit again, and then two days ago, he went to pick up a takeaway and I knew, just knew, that he was picking up more gear. The dealer lives no more than 100 metres from us.

Yesterday, I found out he is now taking G and Crystal Meth into the office because he has become so addicted and can’t manage without taking it every few hours.

From a man who cycled everywhere, who went to the gym 6 times a week, cooked and ate freshly prepared fully balanced incredible food every evening, he’s turned into the exact opposite, and is temperamental, argumentative (Did I say that we haven’t had one argument in 6 years?), obnoxious and arrogant.

Yesterday, while he was at work, I found myself going through every pocket, every cupboard – even jars of spices and boxes of cereal to try and find any more. I found no drugs, but did find his butane lighter and fluid.

Within just two months, our lives have been torn apart and I gave him an ultimatum (if there are three choices, is it still an ultimatum?)
Go into rehab for 28 days and we will somehow find the 15k that we need
Go to your family (in a village in Europe) and stay there until we both agree he’s much better
Move into a separate bedroom and find somewhere to live in the next week.

He’s going to his family and leaves tomorrow, but I am so so worried. I’ve spoken with his family and said that he’s coming because he’s very stressed and mixing alcohol and prescription drugs (he’s doing that too), but I’ve left out the bit of the other drugs. They’ve promised not to tell him that I’ve spoken with them, although he’s a smart cookie and will probably find out.

What I’m really worried about is when he returns back home. What if he sees the dealer or bumps into him in the local shop? He’s a pusher, not just a dealer “I’ve got some G – can give you a bit and as a favour, he’s a little bit of Crystal to smooth you along the way”.
BUT, he’s given me the guys number and his address. Crimestoppers won’t do anything, and I want to post his details on the local facebook group and ask everyone to call it, and tell him that he’s being watched, but I don’t know whether I should.

From such a happy, content life, where fun and laughter were always in the house, yesterday, I was driving home and scared myself, wondering what it would be like to crash into the lamppost at 70 miles an hour.

I don’t know whether I’m doing the right thing. I just want our lives to gain some normality again where we can rebuild everything we had, on even more solid foundations.

[paw_x]

Hi Misty,

I’m so sorry this is happening to you.

My partner relapsed last year after 3 years of sobriety and it was devastating. I almost feel like it’s worse when you know they’ve recovered before, and that they can do it and live a happy life, as you have this hope that they can do it again and maybe you can still have this happily ever after.

I hope your husband can do this. I hope the time with his family does him some good. Please look after yourself. What you’re going through is horribly traumatic and you need help too. Everyone’s situation is different but I hid my partners addiction from everyone, including his family, for as long as I could until he had spent every penny and had no choice but to ask for help. I regret not telling them from the start, giving him that accountability and building that support network for him to get the help he needed & I could take some time for me. I needed to be able to speak to people as well, I confide in others so that I knew I wasn’t crazy and I could feel a little bit less alone.

Just for own safety I don’t know if outing or confronting the dealer is a good idea. Try and use this time to find some peace and to get clear head after all you’ve been through.

I hope things get better for you x

[MistyMou]

Thank you, Paw-x, very wise words.

He phoned me yesterday to say he’ll start looking for flights home in a few days. I felt terrible saying that he can’t come home yet and, that we both need time to recover from the last few months, that we are both mentally and physically exhausted.

I haven’t told his family about drugs, but have told them that he’s taking prescription medication and drinking a lot. They wouldn’t understand about drugs. I think they would think weed or someting like that, not swallowing a corrosive metal cleaner that is GHB.

I haven’t slept properly for two nights – as well as not for the previous 80 or whatever it was (other than when we went on the holiday – when we both slept for 17 hours a day for the first few days).

I’ve spoken to a couple of friends about it, but they don’t really understand. Their view is ‘what a plonker – he has everything going for him and doesn’t he realise what he’s losing’ – well, yes he does, but he doesn’t seem to care.

[MistyMou]

Are there support groups that anyone suggests?

[paw_x]

Famanon have a website for family members of addicts, they run meetings as well if you want to have a look to see if there’s any near you. I think they have some on Zoom too.

I know what you mean about friends maybe not understanding, but just think it’s good to build up a network of people who will support you through this. It’s tough feeling like you can’t say why you’re struggling and we need all the help we can get!

I hope you keep getting this time to yourself and don’t feel rushed into welcoming him back. You need this time just as much as he does x

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