[cant-take-no-more]

I haven’t been on for a while. My AS has had years of abusing his body, his mind, his mental state through drugs and alcohol….he gets clean, then relapses ,then he’s sorry and the cycle continues..I know his triggers, I get a feeling when the proverbial is about to hit the fan…call it mothers intuition. Well he was extremely lucky just before xmas..he OD and ended up on life support…the sheer terror I felt seeing him with tubes everywhere made me literally sick..cold to the touch, machines breathing for him…no mother should have to see that. Yet in all the terror, I didn’t break down, and still haven’t…I became a robot..the hospital gave me his clothes, and at 2 in the morning, I washed them, dried them and ironed them…complete madness. He came out afew days later, and wasn’t phased in the slightest…he has now found a rehabilitation group run by ex addicts…has truthfully told his doctor the extent of his addictions,and has become a father again…I hope through all this I can learn to trust him again, and I hope he makes better choices, and I truly hope he cares enough about himself to give it his best shot! He deserves to be clean, he deserves to be happy and he deserves to be the fsther he wants to be….

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