[tiredandexhausted]

Hello, Any advice welcomed.

My partner and I have been invited for Christmas lunch at my parents & family . It’s rare we all get together in this way anymore as we all live in different parts of the country.

My partner has said to me.. go by yourself as she doesn’t want her daughter to be alone on Xmas day. (My stepdaughter is a heroine addict. She is waiting to get back on script again – hopefully next wk. She is mostly homeless & is in and out of hostels or sofa surfs. She stays with us occasionally when on script or clean of heroine but still on cocaine but it always ends up with her causing a situation so she can leave to score again.)

My dilemma is do I decline my family’s lovely invite, I would not go alone and leave my partner at home, I don’t want us to spend it apart I want her to come with me . I feel we are putting our lives on hold again in the hope my stepdaughter will come good .

We are not confident she will even turn up at Christmas if she gets a better offer so to speak. But my partner feels so guilty at the thought of us not being home just incase her daughter wants to be with us/ somewhere to stay on Christmas Day.

Peoples thoughts please Am I being selfish? I know I’ve already put a massive extra pressure on my partner by asking her to spend Christmas away from our home with my family

[Lozzy80]

Hi

 

I’ve seen from your later post you’ve decided to turn down your family’s invitation…but I sense from your post that this is a burden…if you step daughter isn’t around over Christmas you may be resentful with your partner for missing the family Christmas (even if your partner insisted you still went to see family?), be careful not to let this drive a wedge between you..

What does your partner want / expect over Christmas, do they want you to still see your family?  your family are important too…they might be the support network you need right now, I don’t think its selfish to want to spend time with them , recharge the batteries to give you strength for what you will face in the new year

[Lozzy80]

just be mindful that both you and your partner have choice .. you say as matter of fact you would not leave your partner over Christmas… That is still your choice same as your partner wants to choose to stay home to be there in case her daughter needs her..it’s still a choice … This isn’t the step daughter asking you to put life on hold.

[Lozzy80]

My last  post about choice is aimed at me and others too , sorry if it came across as a lecture ..think we get bogged down in the chaos and it’s advice I’ve had recently, we can only look at the choices we make / what’s in our circle of control. Still doesn’t make our decisions easy though!

[tiredandexhausted]

Hi, no it’s fine . I asked for your advice and thank you for your honesty .

I still haven’t turned down my family’s invite yet as we are waiting to see if my stepdaughter turns up for her prescriber appointment on Monday, then I guess we will find out how committed she is to trying to stop again. But I think already in my mind I’m going to say no to meeting family  ..as I couldn’t stand the build up to the actual day thinking I’d have to let them down last minute if sh*t hit the fan at home

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