[paw_x]

Hi Bluebell,

I might have spoke to you before. I’m in a similar position. I met my partner 5 years ago in my party phase and it soon became apparent he wasn’t just taking cocaine recreationally, we split up, he was on 3.5 grams every day and he was financially killing me. We got back together a year later as he recovered, he did great for 3 years, then when we were buying another new house last year he had relapsed and for a year he lied to me and himself that he could fix it. It got worse and worse and after he’d blown our savings for moving in, he then lost his job and I eventually kicked him out in February. He’s recovering again but it’s been a rocky process, he’s had a few suicide attempts & we’ve been up & down.

I think a huge part of recovery is realising what you’ve done and how it’s affected your loved ones. I’m wondering if your partner is struggling and now has a realisation of how this affects you, and thinks you’d be better off without him? But this is purely speculation as I’ve tried and failed for a very long time to understand how an addict thinks! Does he ever attend in person meetings? I know my partner has attended meetings before but this year is the first time he’s really engaged with the full recovery process, i.e. meetings every day, forming friendships with those in recovery (they all WhatsApp each other and phone each other, go on day trips), and having a sponsor to go through the book. He tells me this is the secret to life long recovery, but time will tell.

What I do know is that living with an addict in recovery takes a lot out of you and might not be what’s best for you. If he’s recovering, there will be ups and downs but same goes for if he’s slipping or struggling to stay off it. Living with that makes you ill and you can end up sacrificing yourself for that person. He needs to recover for him, and sometimes I think it’s good to have space for you to recover from the stress and trauma of going through this. It took a while but mines realises now that we need to be apart, that he needs to do this for him and while he’s still fighting for us, we need to do that from a distance. That might be what’s best for you?

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