[jue]

14 years I have been with my husband he was a kind strong and loving man, worshipped the ground I walked on. So in love, so happy. About 3 months after our son was born he turned to me in bed and told me he had tried heroin, did I want to try it!! NO I screamed, I have very strong views on that poison. He said he would never do it again, I believed him.
The lies came, the sneakiness, the verbal abuse, name calling and then the physical. He had never touched me until then. He stole off me, lied to me, crucified me in blame, tote shreds off me. He would stop for a while, and just when you start to trust and believe him I would catch him, if I caught him he would kick shit out of me. He has left us for days to get his hits, left us with bit a thing. I have told no one as they wouldn’t be able to understand why I stay. I stay because I love this man and he needs help, if I take away everything he will end up dead. My son will no longer have a daddy, a daddy that he worships and vice versa. He is clean at the moment but where do I get the strength from to carry on, believe as I’m so afraid of that poison I have panic attacks and night mares of it. There’s nothing left of me. I have fought off dealers, poured it down the toilet and taken him back in so I know he is safe. Am I just a mug

[lucy]

Hi…it is the worse thing to experience the torture of loving a partner,son etc who is an addict because i do get where you are coming from you love them want to support them and it is soul destroying however when he is abusing you and when he isnt trying to get help there has to b a point that you step back and put the focus on your own life because you cannot change them the only person you can change is yourself and it doesnt sound like it is a great environment for your son to grow up in..you say they adore each other but really do you want him scarred for life if he is enduring abuse and being left for periods of time while he goes and scores because that in and out of his life isnt fair on him..ive been thru all of this and have children and have had the clean times and the times in active addiction with my partner but never would i have had him kicking shit out of me..im not saying he couldnt be abusive because he could the addiction brought me to my knees but trust me he has to be actively trying to get help and you need to get to a point where you step back or yes this will continue and yes you will be muggin yourself off.

Hope you can get the courage to put urself first..and find some inner peace soon

[cant-take-no-more]

Addiction changes people beyond all recognition…..But once an addict starts to beat you, he is way out of control, and you and your child need to be safe….Dont be fooled into thinking you are shielding your son from this behaviour, because no matter how small he is, he will understand the raised voices, mummy crying etc…. Please start thinking of yourself and your son…The worst thing to come to terms with is just by letting him lead his life with you means you are enabling him….He is the only one to really want the changes……Dont let this abuse be a common occurance, for you or your son…hugs xxx

[cant-take-no-more]

LauraZamora34
25 Jun 2014…………..you really are a sad pathetic individual……ADMIN…PLEASE REMOVE

[derekb]

The Icarus Trust is a charity formed to help people just like you. We are working with Adfam to help families affected bŷ addiction. We have access to many sources of help and support and have a team of ‘Family Friends’ who can help you find the very best way forward. Send an email in confidence to help@icarustrust.org and one of our trained Friends will be in touch. Sharing your story with a Family Friend could well give you a whole new view on your situation.

[cant-take-no-more]

Hey Frantic mum…hugs Hunni…so sorry you still haven’t heard anything…..my heart goes out to you. I know it must be hard, so won’t post any cliche comments..here for you my love if and when you need that shoulder…..hugs Hunni xxxxxxx

[cant-take-no-more]

If you need any support Hunni im here xxx

[icarus-trust]

I feel really sad reading your story and hearing the affect that you dad’s addiction is having on you and your mum.
If you would like to talk with someone who would understand please contact The Icarus Trust. we are a charity that supports the family and friends of addicts and we offer a free service called Family Friends. These are our trained experienced volunteers who you could be put in touch with. Talking with one of them might help you find a way ahead.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that this helps.

[franticmum]

Hi Susie hope you re well, thank you for yor kind words and continued support. I ve not been on here for a while had a really bad summer health wise and am slowly beginning to recover, Im not sure what life will throw at me next, I keep getting up only to be knocked down again.
Anyway enough of the self pity it doesnt help at all,
At the moment i seem to be torn by wondering where my son is and how he is coping to feeling glad that at least i am spared all the violence and lies and all that comes with his addiction. My life is a lot more stable now but still i cant forget about him, every meal i sit down to eat i wonder if he has enough food etc,
I feel there is no happy ending in sight, its a no win situation, even if he suddenly appeared i dont think i will ever be able to trust him again,
Ive been thinking a lot over the past few days, reliving the past (not wise I know) from him being 17 to about 26 he lived a drug fueled life stealing, shoplifting, burglaries, resulting in prison, then he started on the first of many rehabs, up to him being 32 it was a right roller coaster of relapses rehab stealing, lies etc etc etc, suddenly he then did a complete turn around set himself up in a lovely little flat accepted help from professionals and slowly the son I had lost began to shine through, and just when I let my guard down and started trusting him wham did it kick off big time the worse by far, and now at almost 35 he is gone again, i really dont know if ive got the strength for it all any more, and honestly i resent him and all that he has done to all my family.
Sorry ive rambled again, im just pouring my thoughts down, i feel so sad because his life could have been so much better his two brothers have achieved so much in spite of the turmoil of their teenage years and its made us all so much closer as a family but there is one member missing and we all feel it, every celebration etc hes like the “elephant ” in the room
Anyway my dear enough of me now how are you doing? I hope things are still good have you heard anything from Fiona? I often think of you both.
Im off to try to get some sleep now just looked at the clock and its nearly half one, sending you huge squishy cyber hugs hunni take care and keep strong
Love and hugs
Sue xxx

[icarus-trust]

Thanks for sharing your very sad story. You sound very strong despite being so young and have got a lot of good advice for others in your situation.
I imagine that you have got people around you in your family or at school maybe that you can talk to about how you are feeling that will support you.
If you need any other help please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports the family and friends of addicts, people like yourself. It is completely free to talk to one of our experienced trained volunteers called family Friends.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Take care of yourself and keep strong!.

[asibling]

Thank you for sharing your story.

It seems there are few services and research done considering the experience of family members, in particular siblings. That is why I am conducting a research project looking at the narratives of siblings, encouraging others like you to share their experiences. If you wish to participate and share your story or would like more information please contact me at u1422721@uel.ac.uk. Thank you.

[asibling]

sorry I didn’t mean to post so many times, I think there was an internet delay and I can’t figure out how to delete them. :s

[icarus-trust]

Hi,
Can understand how dreadful it is for you not knowing where or how your son is. A really horrible place to be.
I’m so glad that you are close to your other sons and you get support from people you talk to on the blog.
If you want any other support from people who have been through same as you, then at Icarus Trust we do have experienced trained volunteers who you can talk to. We are a charity that offers a free service so please talk to us if you think it would help.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Wishing you all the best.

[fifi65]

Ah Sue, I am still here love!! pop in every now and then always hoping to see if you’re ok and Susie .. I literally just left a message on Susie’s post asking after you and then low and behold you have posted yourself.. So sorry thing’s aren’t different for you where your boy is concerned 🙁 It is even worse this time of the year I know, I pray you hear something just to ease your mind a bit.. He will be ok Sue, it is that drug ( heroin) that has took away his concern for others we both know that xxx

[icarus-trust]

Hi Elsie.
This is really hard for you and it is not surprising how confused your feelings are for your son. The Icarus Trust is a charity that has been set up to offer help to people, like yourself, who are being affected by the addiction of a family member or friend. If you would like to talk with someone who would have experience of what you are going through please contact us and we will put you in touch with one of our Family Friends. Talking with one of them might help you to make sense of what you are feeling and help you to find a way ahead.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck!

[cant-take-no-more]

Sue n fifi, both of you helped me get through some dark days…..addiction is a curse and anyone who is in the throws of it, is a slave to it….Friday night my son relapsed again….I had a feeling when he came to see me..call it mothers intuition…he rang Saturday and said yet again he had made a wrong choice…..I haven’t said anything….I know it’s one day and his relapses are getting more and more far apart, and I know it’s part of recovery, but I’m mad as hell…hense why I haven’t said snything..I read a poignant post from an ex addict on another group which resonated with me…my words just add to the addicts failure….so my mouth is tightly shut….I feel his disappointment, but I know he has it in him to change his life…if only he knew it too….so when he decides to talk about it. I shall recommend as always added support…..through the support given,I have learned to switch off,because I know when an addict has it in their mind to have one last go at their drug of choice. There’s nothing I can say to change his mind….recovery is a path of twists and turns…..ahhhh well, sending both of you a peaceful time, think of your own well being, because we cannot control anyone’s actions but our own..that’s a hard lesson for any mother…hugs xxxxx

[sad-and-tired]

Hi so sorry to hear that you still have not heard from your son….stay strong sweetheart, you are not alone.xx

[lucy]

@LauraZamora34…wtf are you on with?? Go and find yourself somewhere else to post your adverts

[Author]

Posts