[maddie]

my first time writing here.cannabis has wrecked my sons life and his family.for the last 8 years we have paid of drug dealers loan sharks etc he has had 3 flats which we have helped furnish only for him to sell all his belongings. he lies cheats and cons money when ever he can.we have spent hundreds helping him but now enough is enough.its never enough he always wears you down esp me his mum.the final straw was him applying for 17 payday loans in my name to fund his habit he acc got away with 3 loans which i have now got to pay.i have got him drug worker many times but he only turns up for 1 app then never returns.i have now cut him off completely he his destroying not only his life but the rest of the family.its hard.its his birthday today and the first time i havnt got him anything but he would sell it or spend the money on drugs.i feel like the lady who posted on the 18th aug and me have very similar situation.its nice after all these years to finally find a website that offers help to the familys we suffer so much aswell.
1

[sk]

Hi just wanted to say you are definitely right with your decision as hard as it is for you. Yesterday I read about “enabling” an addict and when I see this word in a dictionary it shows my picture as the explanation for the word. please read up on it a lady on here told me about it and it was like the penny finally dropped for me i feel so strong today for the first time in ages and its because of this website you know you are not alone.

Keep strong and stick to your guns x

[icarus-trust]

I feel for you being in the middle of this difficult situation. It must be very hard to know what to do or say for the best but I’m sure you’re doing nothing wrong!
I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust which supports the families and friends dealing with the impact of addiction. We have experienced trained volunteers called ‘Family Friends’ who, if you got in touch you could talk with. They have all had experience of addiction in their own families so would understand where you are coming from. Maybe talking with one of them about how you are feeling and sharing experiences might help you to find a way forward.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that this will help you. Good luck.

[icarus-trust]

Hi Donna
Thank you for posting your story. I’m so sorry things are so bad for you.
If you need someone to talk to maybe you would like to contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that provides support for the families and friends of addicts.
if you contact us we would put you in touch with one of our Family Friends. These are our experienced trained volunteers who would understand what you are living with.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best.

[mhc85]

Hi Donna,

I have only been with my partner 2 years and recently his cocaine habit has got so much worse. He uses now about every 3-4 days and like yourself when he is on it he completely changes, the way he talks, what he says, the way he acts, he becomes so selfish and I feel like I am nothing to him. He lies to me and doesn’t answer my calls or texts. I could leave my house for hours and he wouldn’t even realise I wasn’4 there. Reading your story doesn’t leave me with much hope…… but it is so hard when you love someone 🙁

[scanners]

Hi maddie, hope your ok. Im in court tomoz to get an injunction on my son, it wont go down well, my son has said he will be over to get more money, we will see, hugs to you.xxxx

[pleasedontdie]

I am sorry for your pain, I was with my ex for 12 years, it was great for the first ten years. He started using meth during the last two years, cheated on me with approximately sixty women. He started coming home later and later, eventually not at all. Spent our rent money twice, leaving us facing homelessness. I have three kids, two are his. He neglected his duties as a husband but more importantly as a father. I became so depressed, I cried for two years in my room. Self seclusion, I’m still screwed up over the whole mind f—, he dealt our family. I stayed with him, I thought because I’m old school and felt it was better for the kids, Daddy would come around…….nope. He has gone two years without bothering to see our kids, this time. I wish I left him a long time ago, the kids suffer more I believe surrounded by the toxicity of these men……..do them and yourself a favor and pack up and leave, or kick him to the curb.

[icarus-trust]

Hi ,
Thanks for posting your story and sharing how you feel about your partner’s cocaine habit. It sounds like you might want to talk with someone who would understand what you are going through. The Icarus Trust is a charity that provides support for people who are having to deal with a loved one’s addiction. If you would like to contact us we could put you in touch with one of our ‘Family Friends’ who you could talk with. They are experienced and maybe talking would help you to make sense of it all and know that you aren’t crazy and it isn’t your fault. The service is free.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck!

[icarus-trust]

Hi Rosalie,
I really feel sad for you and the horrible situation you are in. It really sounds like you could do with somebody to be there to support you. There is help for people who are dealing with what you are. A charity called The Icarus Trust supports the families and friends of addicts. If you get in touch with us we would be able to put you in touch with one of our ‘Family Friends’. These are trained volunteers who have lots of experience of the kinds of things you are going through.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I t is a free service and I hope that it might be the kind of help that you would find really supportive.

[icarus-trust]

Hi there,
Reading your post is very sad. It must be so hard to know how to deal with your partner’s drinking especially knowing he will lose his sight.
Just to say that you are not alone and there are people out there who can help. The Icarus Trust is a charity that supports people like yourself who are having to deal with another person’s addiction.
If you make contact we could put you in touch with one of our trained volunteers who have lots of experience of what you are going through. Talking with one of them might help you to make sense of your mixed feelings and find a way forward.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the very best.

[elf]

Hi A.lone
My advice to you is put your children first and leave. I stayed for 23 years until I was relieved to leave and leaving was easy. Sadly, the damage was done and now ny beautiful daughter is an alcoholic. I don’t know what your home lfe is like but mine was waljing on eggshells and the only time tgere was happiness and rekief was when tgere was alcohol involved. Thus, my daughter associates alcohol with happiness. I know I have an arduous and heartbreaking journey ahead of me with her. Do ‘t risk it for your children. Get out xxx0

[elf]

P.S. They always blame somebody else

[icarus_trust]

Hi Maddie.

I don’t know what to say… that is an unbelievable situation that no mother should have to go through. Are you getting any sort of external support to help you in any way? You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.

If you need or want anyone to speak to and perhaps point you in the direction of some help, you can speak to someone at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity with trained advisers who can provide support and even suggest local help. You can register on the website at http://www.icarustrust.co.uk/contact/ or email us at help@icarustrust.org.

I really hope things pick-up for you and start to sort themselves out.

[icarus-trust]

You sound amazing that you have been able to be so strong and care for your husband in very difficult circumstances. This must be so hard for you and I feel sorry that you haven’t been able to find the right support for yourself.
I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust that specifically supports the families and friends of addicts. We could offer you the support of one of our ‘family Friends’. These are trained volunteers who you would be able to talk with. They have a lot of experience of what you are dealing with and so hopefully, you might find contact with them helpful. It is a free service and they could also signpost you to other help that is available.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that you will be able to find the support for yourself that you so deserve. Good luck with everything.

[maddie]

thanks for all your comments really helpfull. since i ist wrote my son has yet again been intouch begging forgiveness yet again i said i would think about things.this as now caused a huge fallout with my husband and daughter thay do not want him back mainly to protect me. the more bad things he DOES TO ME i become morE UNWELL to the point of having a breakdown.i have done a lot of soul searching the last few days and i cant go through anymore.so as hard as it is i am keeping out of my life he cannot drag us any further down .

[cant-take-no-more]

Oh Hunni, I’m so sorry that things look hard…you are doing right, unfortunately mum is enabling him to continue his addiction….don’t blame her, I did it too, until I faced things head on, researched, gained knowledge….and I said the same as your mum…it was everyone’s fault but his….I hate to say this, but sometimes you have to let your kids go before you get them back…..I applaud you for trying to help him, but only he can do it..,I hope your mom sees this too…hugs xxx

[icarus-trust]

Hi Sutkina,
So sorry to read your post and can understand the worry you have around your husband’s habit.
If you would like to talk with someone who may be would be able to help you find a way ahead please contact The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people who deal with a loved one’s addiction and offer a free service.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck.

[icarus-trust]

It is very sad that your brothers drug habit is causing such problems between you and your mum. That is hard for you to deal with, but sadly drugs don’t just affect the people who take them. If you would like to talk to people who have lots of experience with what you are going through you could try contacting The Icarus Trust. We are a charity who is there to support families and friends of addicts with our free service called ‘Family Friends’. These are all experienced trained volunteers who we would put you in touch with if you contact us. You might find it helpful to talk through how you are feeling and find that you are not alone in this situation.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I really hope that this helps. Good luck!

[hope-faith]

Hi, don’t feel guilty or doubt yourself in how your dealing with your situation. Your own family must come first, there is no right or wrong way trust me I know. I feel for you, your Mom I guess sees what’s in front of her, she like you is probably exasperated, and who can blame her for wanting to believe in your Brother. I have personal experience in what your going through, my partner has a heroin addiction, it rips the heart out of your family, he has struggled off and on for 15yrs. I do believe its a addiction, illness but they have to want to help themselves, no matter what we do to help it means nothing if it doesn’t come from them and they have to be 100% commited. I wish you all the best for the future and I live in hope that one day I and all the other families can live a’ normal ‘ life xxx

[verarose]

Rosemary. I can relate to you. My Son has been using since he was 15 now he is 40. I have constantly supported him With money thousands of pounds and also when he was in prison because of his addiction and stole and owed drug suppliers and then he was tell me he needed the money to get to meetings or rent I have been so gullible and believed everything he said as he sounded so convincing. He has has so much help from case workers etc. Latest he has come out of prison and was getting help again from case work to get him B&B and I bought him a mobile so he could keep in touch with probation. He had drug dealers after him for money he owed then which he did then had no more money in bank .So he rang and asked for money which again I did for traveling to meeting and probation. And now no contact his phone not working and his supporters can’t get in touch So he has bugged it all up AGAIN! So like you I have come to reality that no matter what I do it just fuels his addiction.And if he get in touch I will be saying No! To anymore demands. Like you you have to step back from it all even when it breaks my heart . He most probably back in Prison as not turning up for probation so having a arrest out for him he is in London . He had help in rehab for a year and he was brilliant and sounded so happy and well now he is like a walking skeleton and to think he will be constantly in. And out of prison until his body gives out. Like you will feel guilty but I have got to be strong and know I have done all I can .The demon in him is stronger then I am ,and I can’t fright it anymore .Blessings to you and stay strong , I am slowly finding my new strength ????

[icarus-trust]

Hi Rosemary,

Thank you for posting your story and sharing how you feel about your daughter’s addiction. It is a very strong thing to do to stop enabling her and you might wish to talk with people who could give you some support.
The Icarus Trust is a charity that provides support for people like yourself who are having to deal with the awful impact of a family member’s drug addiction on yourself and the rest of the family.
We have a team of trained and experienced people who would understand what you are going through and might help you to make sense of how you are feeling.
If you feel it would help please get in touch. You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
All the best to you.

[sherry]

Hi Rosemary my daughter to was born in 1980 to.
Herion and crack have taken my daughter.
I have also had to let her go my guilt is overwhelming and I have had to seek help so this addiction does not destroy me to.
I feel your pain and I know the loss .I wish you peace .

[oscar-g]

Hi it’s obvious easier for your mom to blame you rather than accept it’s your brothers responsibility probably because she doesn’t understand or knows what to do next. Your mom needs to understand that any form of addiction is a disease and needs to be treated as such. Also your brother is solely responsible for his own actions and can seek help but it needs to be his decision. You have done as much as anyone can do I think it’s time to concentrate on your own family but be there for when your brother needs you, as it’s obvious he has some deep rooted issues that need to be addressed, above all do not blame yourself for your brothers behaviour. I wish you and your family a happier future

[icarus-trust]

Hi Charlie,

I am so sorry to read your post and hear the sadness of your loss. Thank you for sharing this advice from your own experience. It is good to talk!
If you feel the need yourself to talk to anyone about what you have been through, please contact us at The Icarus Trust.
We are a charity that provides support for people ,like yourself, who has been affected by another’s addictive behaviour.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Thanks once again and good luck.

[smallangel]

Hello, I have a sister who we have just recently found out is a drug addict. My mam and dad have always looked after her and basically left me to get on with it. I can’t tell you how much it hurt for them always being with her and her son. At the end of last year I had counselling and realised that I had my dad on a pedestal, for all the wrong reasons. I realised that he didn’t love my sister more than me, he controlled her. He put me down and I realise that it is because he couldn’t control me. It has gone completely wrong, my sister has never done anything for herself but he also made her believe that she was useless. It’s an awful situation to be in but you need to realise that if your mam turns her back she has to admit she has failed. My mam is still sticking her head in the sand with regards to my sister, even though my mam and dad are now taking care of my sisters children. My dad now wants me to help and now wants my son to go round so he can have a break. This makes me so angry as he has never spent time with my children and all of a sudden if it makes his life easier he wants my son. He even asked me to take my son round, not because he hasn’t seen him but he wanted my son to keep my sisters children entertained! I have to say to you that you and your family comes first. Don’t live your life to support your brother or your mother, support yourself and your family, it’s not your rod to carry, as hard as it is to accept that. I wish you and your family every happiness and I hope your brother and my sister come out of the other side but they do need to do it themselves.

[Author]

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