[thistim3]

<p style=”text-align: center;”>It’s 4:16 am. I woke up thinking about it at 3:24 am and can’t go back to sleep. My addict husband is sleeping next to me.  I’ll be okay for awhile, hours, days, and even weeks. But then my head drops another memory on me from all those years ago.  And sends me back to being a mess. This time I remembered that I wasn’t eating right all those years ago and lost a lot of weight. Too thin. I wasn’t treated by the doctor, but I had a miscarriage during his years of using cocaine.  I didn’t tell anyone.</p>

[JJW45]

Hi. I developed an addiction to codine after a spinal fracture 20 years ago and im on day 6 of detoxing cold turkey. Im feeling quite ill and not sure if iv made the right decision to withdraw on my own cold turkey but i feel after 20 years of doctors writing prescriptions without a care in the world it was pointless trying to get the help to come off the tablets they have allowed me to abuse for years. Could you give me a bit of advice on whats the best nxt move at day 6 as right now im not doing well

Thanks

[JJW45]

Hi there.

Am sure my partner can totally relate to your feelings on there other half’s addictions. I know mine has been a total support for me but it’s not been easy for him with all the baggage addiction has in family’s affected by the emotional mental and psychological issues that may occur during addiction. Your doing great supporting him it can’t be easy.

Well done and take it 1 day at a time

[thistim3]

JJW45 – hopefully you’re doing good.  So many people probably get addicted this way.  They need surgery or get hurt.  Or, like my husband – they just casually try something with their buddies.  Before long – realize that their world is out of control.  This can happen to anyone.  It takes courage to turn around and look at yourself.  The struggle is very real.  Remember who you are and what you want.  This is what I remind myself all the time.  I need to be happy, so I will find a way to be there – everyday.

[Lottier]

Im sorry you aren’t sleeping I know how horrible it is and am using this forum as a get it off my chest to try and get to sleep myself.
Not while my husband was doing drugs but before I had children I suffered several miscarriages so know how lonely and horrible they make you feel and hope you get or have had support around this.
I have written on another post re the addiction but this is more about after which I too am struggling with.  Does your husband let you talk about how you feel or have you had to pretend it never happened?
I had a few weeks after my husband came back from rehab that were so lovely but then we’d have a cross word and a whole load of abuse would get hurled at me, I’m not aloud to mention the drug taking but know it contributed to our relationship problems (even though he says our relationship caused the drug taking) I can cope with that as know it’s not true, but what I struggle with is him blaming me for affecting his relationship with his children, I’m very close to his children, the older ones saw him on coke in a paranoid state so many times and his son had to drag him off me while he was on top of me checking me for drugs he thought I’d hidden (he denied taking coke and thought I was drugging him) his son is now staying with family, he stayed for the weekend to give us a break so we could have a nice weekend together (that never happened as husband left) and stayed a couple of extra days rather then return home, I’m getting the blame for this as I’m such a horrible nasty person who makes it hell to live here, I know I’m not as the kids all come out of there rooms when he’s out but squirrel away when he’s in, I can’t say to much to him as worried he’ll start using again so can’t stick up for myself.  I’m very close to leaving as literally can’t do anything right.  He left his phone open on the side and a reply pinged up saying my baby, he had sent a selfie to a lady he met in rehab, I did say who the f is she but rather then explaining or apologising he left, 2 days he acted like nothing happened and I didn’t want to row in front of the kids, I did say I wasn’t ok with it and deserved an explanation, he said nothing happened but then went to “work” but never went, he rung me in the evening to say he gone to counselling (it’s a few hours drive) and he would not come home till I had counselling, as I’m the problem and make him use as I’m so argumentative, he then stayed with family for the whole weekend and I sat and cried while he had a lovely time.  I don’t think I’m out of order being upset by what I saw, and have mentioned it to someone who said she’d have gone mad as it’s not ok to do that,  I just don’t know what to do anymore x

 

[thistim3]

My husband didn’t know about our miscarriage that happened decades ago until recently when we finally started to talk about the years he was using cocaine. Reading these messages helped me remember how he blamed me for so many things that went wrong, but not his drug use. I didn’t know what was happening with that until the day he quit, which was years after he started with it.  This drug is so evil.  It took years, all these years, for him to realize how incredibly awful he was on cocaine and how hard it was for him to quit. His behavior during those years has hit him hard and he is struggling with that now.  Just like all those years ago, I can’t fix it and I am not the bad guy.  One of the weird things now is that he will mention something that happened then and while he is talking about it, he realizes how his way of thinking about it then was wrong. I watch it move over his face. I have no words for him, so I will hug him.  Years ago it didn’t happen like that. He was awful and I couldn’t figure out what or why.  WTF is wrong with him?  I thought and probably asked him if he was ok, but he never explained himself and he just didn’t make any sense so much of the time.  I knew him and loved him for years before this drug crippled his head.  I often wonder how he could have let any of it happen. He took the drug and it happened.  That is the whole answer.

[Lottier]

Thank you for your reply x

I love my husband so much and don’t want to give up on him, although I am probably at an all time low in my life, which is not good for me or the children, I’m struggling to eat and leave the house as cry about everything, his family have said I need to make myself stronger or he’ll just keep bringing me down as knows I’ll take it but it’s easier said then done.

It may sound mad but your reply sounds like there is a chance of having a relationship after addiction, it sounds like it’s taken a lot of time but he is eventually realising his part and regretting some of his actions, I know this drug has changed him and he doesn’t need reminding at the moment how much he has hurt everyone, but I want to try and move on I just want him to stop blaming me then I can try and rebuild our life

[thistim3]

Nar-Anon helped me so much.  Try to find a group and if it doesn’t feel right try a different one until you find ‘your’ Nar-Anon group.  Then you might find that you can rebuild your life (with or without your addict).

[jinn54]

Leave him , they never change. It will mess with your mental health , drive you insane.

You are wasting precious time of your life on someone who only loves his or her addiction over you.

[eddie123]

If you know of anyone who is struggling with a loved ones addiction, I know of a great charity that supports people nationwide. The family support programme is remote and they help many families a year. Please see link and fill in the referral and someone will endeavour to respond within 24 hours.

https://www.adaptoxford.org.uk/support

They also provide free treatment to the substance user if they want the support themselves( under the adapt programme on their website)

[eddie123]

If you know of anyone who is struggling with a loved ones addiction, I know of a great charity that supports people nationwide. The family support programme is remote and they help many families a year. Please see link and fill in the referral and someone will endeavour to respond within 24 hours.

https://www.adaptoxford.org.uk/support

They also provide free treatment to the substance user if they want the support themselves( under the adapt programme on their website)

[thistim3]

Jinn54:

You speak the truth.  Two days ago he brought me a nice anniversary gift.  Today he told me that he doesn’t love me anymore. He has never said this to me before.  The drug has changed him, and most of the time – he either doesn’t believe that or he minimizes his behaviors – and, blames everything and everyone but himself.

[purpleheart]

Arent they so cruel and selfish , I’m so sorry , I had to do what Jinn54 said – it’s soul breaking stuff I couldn’t cope with any more .

 

Sending hugs x

[thistim3]

He is. So different than the caring and loving man that I met all those years ago.  He will not look at me or talk to me all day.  Then the next day, it’s like it didn’t even happen. Sit right next to me and chat me up.  The bad times rip me to pieces.  How did he ruin our love story. Here it is:

Drugs

Porn

Cheating

Lies

It will always surprise me what he has done, what he is capable of.  The drugs started with pot. Seems so harmless, right? Pot. Don’t be fooled.  It is the devil.

[Author]

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