[jamzyjo]

I have been with my husband for 32 years and battled his addiction for most of that time.

I thought that he had been clean for the last 7 years only to bust him in the act back in July.  We had a terrible fight and separated as I had enough of the lies.
the separation lasted less than two weeks.  He made many promises of change excommunicated all of his drug using friends and thing are seaming to be getting better.

I am having a very hard time trusting him. I have caught him in a couple of unrelated lies which is making it even harder to trust that his drug abuse has stopped.

I love him very much but I am not sure how I can ever trust him or if it is even worth it. I feel as though I am always waiting for the bottom to fall out.

what are good ways to deal with this situation

[navy]

Hi there

Its an awful feeling of not trusting a loved one. The sense that he has lied the way he lies and actually thinks it’s ok. He can’t see it as lies either.
I can’t give advice on how you handle this as I’m feeling exactly the same.

my husband supposed to be clean for at least a month now but I don’t see the difference, I did for around two weeks then I think it started again.

when he’s on it and trying to hide it he becomes mr big and I am and I will and makes plans to do this go there see them etc etc and also sexually engaging, then the following day the bottom falls out of his ideal world. He tired, irritable, unwell, etc this usually lasts 2-3 days then here comes another surge of energy and I end up in a row as he’s let me down for appointments, engagements, events, etc.
<p style=”text-align: center;”>I want to be strong to leave him. This is the hardest part like you it’s been years together only 20 but to find out they always used hurts I feel he was never and still isn’t happy to be with me that he has to use this stuff to feel happiness.</p>
Please take care of you first and do what you need to do. It’s so hard being the strong one especially if they are good at  manipulative behaviour and turning things into your fault. I know that as I’m there at the moment.

please keep posting here to have someone to talk too, whether you stay or go we will support as there’s no right or wrong way to handle this situation. It’s easier said than done to walk away from the life you built with a man you love who supposed to be happy in the life together but finds that white stuff more enjoyable!!!!

I hope I haven’t babbled on to much

love navy

 

[Lozzy80]

Hi both I’m going through terrible similar times with my husband for last 5 or so.

This year matches , in fact bears, the year 5 yrs ago for total self destruction – throwing away his job/possibly entire career, any financial security we had left and our marriage in the process.

The only way they can earn trust is through their actions… When their actions don’t match their words the trust is broken…. And I’ve had my trust broken so many times Ive become totally disaffected now so that I cant feel the crushing disappointment anymore ???? it’s no way to live is it  ????

[m]

does anyone feel that the trust broken stops you wanting to be intimate as often?

I just feel so hurt a lot with broken promises that I completely close off and by the time I feel comfortable and my barriers are down, become intimate it just all happens all over again. Back to square one!!! Me telling him not to even hug me but secretly wanting him to still try, him feeling like rubbish and wanting affection etc telling me he doesn’t hurt me on purpose and he’s sorry

round and round in this painful circle

Xx

[Lozzy80]

Yes M , it completely goes against our instincts to be intimate with someone who has broken our trust. It takes me a long time to let my guard down again and then when I do, he soon breaks my trust again .. and I’m left feeling so crap and used…. Yep it’s a vicious circle

[Author]

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