[sam-a]

Hi, i really feel for you in this awful situation, i am going through something similar with my sister at the moment, its really hard not to pay attention to what they are saying,especially when it is so painful. i think they are looking for someone to blame because they feel so awful and ultimately blame themselves, this is not about anything you are doing. does your mum have any friends you could ask to speak to her in a supportive way when she is sober so it is not coming from you??? try not to take on the blame she is putting on to you, i ended up phoning the police as i could not manage my sisters aggression any longer, whilst this does sound extreme it has opened up some help for my sister, if your mum kicks off again i would consider doing this, it might at least show her the impact her drinking is having. maybe you could suggest she goes to her doctor for some help, my sister is now going to addaction which seems positive. finally is there anyone you and your brother could stay with for a bit, again i know this might seem unsupportive or extreme but her bbehaviour is extreme and you need to look after yourself. i admit i am still trying to do this too and i am not awlays successful, i found the video on this home page helpful in this. i really hope you ALL get the love and support you need and things start changing soon.

[belle]

hi
first of all i am so sorry to hear about your brothers death and secondly to say this is all still so very raw, i lost my son 3 yrs ago this may he was 24yrs old and was also left a long time before the ambulance was called infact your story is so very similar to my own we waited a year for his inquest, sudden death is the most difficult to deal with especially as your brother was clean and happy ,
you need to understand that your mum has lost her son i know you have lost your brother and its hearbreaking for you too but mums feel they should protect there children to the death no matter what age they are, i know when my son died the guilt i felt was unbearable the pain was like nothing i had ever felt before and i didnt know where to turn unforunatly your mum has turned to drink and probably feels like this numbs the pain i mean maybe it does for a while but we all know in reality it is still there when the drink wears off, thing is u are in a difficult situation really as u need to greive yourself and do not need blame thrown at you , what your mum needs is some proffessional help , i didnt bother geting any and ended up with post traumatic disorder and although i am better now it has been a long road, i agree with sam above and maybe if u called the police when she stars smashing things up next time hen they will speak to her and suggest to her to speak with her doc or get some bereavment councilling she doesn’t need too do this alone but remember her greif is still very new and she will be feeling all sorts of emotions , anger, resentment and these are all pretty normal, also in the meantime remember to make time for your own grief i hope u all get some help and support and as a family help each other through this x

[rose]

Try to get your Mum to go to AA. Agree with advice you’ve had about taking care of yourself. Big hug and hope she is starting to turn the corner now. Rose

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