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Well me again, I feel so alone right now and sad.hubby who is a cocaine addict,been fine for two days, probably because his friend (dealer) has been away for two days and now he’s back. Hubby is not only drunk but had a few lines of cocaine too.why? Does he do it?
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Hey Natasha
I’m sorry… it’s just so disappointing isn’t it?
I’m away for a bit from mine due to the holidays. He was vile to me before I left… makes me so sad. At times he can be lovely and I just can’t understand why I/we can’t have that person all the time. Why do they even want to be this repugnant, moody, volatile, aggressive person?!
Despite us having no money, mine went out drinking earlier… used up the last few coins so now I definitely can’t pay the bills… I’m so fed up with it. He has spent so much money on the stuff, drink and cigarettes. So selfish. I have holes in my clothes and he’s spending money like that!
Stay strong ???? xx
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Hi Natasha21
Why do they do it That’s the question we all ask
It’s unanswerable
addicts do exactly what they need to do
Maybe to block the some pain they are in
Or for the buzz
I’m sorry you feel alone it’s so difficult
At least on this forum you can have a voice that people listen to
Everyone will say they have to stop for themselves
It’s not that they don’t love or care for family but they only know the addiction
You have to take care of yourself
My son is in the early days of recovery
From binge drinking to the point of being in hospital
This could kill him
But after months of stress
He is in counselling and on antidepressants and back at work
I’m not sure if he will continue but he’s doing ok at the moment
Joanie xx
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How are you doing today Natasha?
I think we all have our turning point… for me it was when he decided to stop speaking to me randomly (I’d done nothing) so after a while I asked him if he wanted me to leave and he said yes… that was the beginning of me taking the steps to get out. Tbh, it’s only gotten worse since… way worse… so I made the right decision even though I’m still waiting to get out.
Like you said, we’ve tried helping and at this point they are beyond help. I realised recently it literally makes no difference what I do… it will never stop him doing it (though he says I’m the reason he does it!) and I just can’t be bothered anymore. Why should I suffer more when he doesn’t give 2 hoots about my feelings, wellbeing or health. I’m sure you feel the same.
Keep your chin up. xx
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Hi! I’m glad you’re okay.
The dog walking is a good time to think while outside the house. I ‘think’ when I’m taking my child to their childcare several times a week.
Yes, I’ve had the same thought. Mine will either end up homeless/shacked up with someone else or in prison… unless he were to totally leave the area and go cold turkey (chances of that are slight as his means for leaving the area are zilch unless someone else helps him out).
So I spoke to him today as I’m away since the weekend visiting family for the last of the Easter break.
He sounded really good – said he’d been tidying up, was taking the meds for his MH that he should take (has form for not taking them when I’m not there) and was eating and drinking non-alcoholuc beverages etc (has form for ceasing to eat/drink when I’m not there waiting on him hand and foot)…
So I was happy about that and I said that to him… BUT… he then literally said that the only reason he’s been tidying up/eating/drinking and taking his meds is because he doesn’t have any money to get stuff.
So this is not real change to me. It’s just the result of a lack of opportunity and of course I just think that as soon as he has access to any funds he’ll be back at it.
I find it so disappointing to know this in my heart. As I said, it doesn’t really matter what I do. He’s on this path well and truly regardless of my presence.
And when I say there there is no money… there is literally currently no money. He spent ALL the bill money again… so I’m in dire straits until I get paid end of the month. In the meantime, I will have a tiny bit of cash to get me where I need to go. I have no means to pay for a couple of bills that are coming up. I realised when I’m at the property we share that I’m just totally depressed and I’ve kind of given up trying to pretend anymore… just want out and don’t want to be bothered with any of it.
The financial strain and stress on me is causing me so much anxiety. I lay awake at night worrying about it. My hands are tied until I can move and financially separate myself from him.
How are things with you today/tonight? x
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Hey lovely
Oh my… the 5 a.m. or middle of the night waking you up to say they’re hungry. Mine does the exact same. It makes me feel really angry… because I have always prepared food and he’s just chosen not to eat it! So then he expects/orders me to get up and heat his food up… when I’m so tired and have either been sleeping or trying to get to sleep. I wait on the man hand and foot.
Mine made the same accusation a while ago about me having all his money and also told other people that untruth. Plus, he also started asking how much I was earning (mine fluctuates as I freelance) and where it was etc.
What you said about weight loss – so in my limited experience, this has happened to my addict twice. Both times when he switched to doing crack. A person can either buy the rocks of crack that people tend to think about or create it from the powder. Do you think he might have switched to doing that instead of just the powder. I noticed mine would do powder around others and the crack by himself.
Since the switch to crack is when things really took a turn for the worse as it completely changed his mood… paranoia, psychosis, unable to sleep, suicidal and very agressive/violent when off it.
I also have had the same thoughts about OD. My one took an OD of prescription meds last autumn. Someone found him… not long before it would have been no turning back and they were able to save him. You can imagine how I’ve felt about that at times. Life would be so much easier without having to deal with this!
So today he admitted that the money he had promised me he’d pay me back he got early on Monday (like earlier than planned) and in his words… he messed up and spent it (on a thing). So…. my conversation yesterday with him was based upon him knowing he’d done that and me not knowing… all the time be blames me for using and when I’m not there he’s still using. Ironic.
Anyway, he is arranging to get his family to pay me back as it’s put me into unarranged overdraft, for the second time recently, and I’m beyond unhappy about that. So I hope his family do help this time.
Anyway, I begged him one final time to confide in his doc for his sake and that of our child. He won’t as he doesn’t think they can help.
He basically told me he has thrown everything out associated with the stuff and stopped answering the calls/texts and started to get his affairs in order. I need to ask him if he’s deleted the numbers. Thing is, even if he does, he knows people who he could get the numbers off again so hardly much of a precaution.
I return there tomorrow… massive sigh… here we go again.
You are right….we are this together. Life has to get better.
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Hiya natasha, hope your OK. 1st thing I can say is. Your husband needs to admit he has a problem and get help. Either from meetings in cocaine anonymous or rehab.
He has to do this for himself, u can’t force him. He has to hit his rock bottom.. Just reading a few of your comments now I ve been there and done it. Its 1 big vicious circle. With addiction., this stuff sends u depressed for days, suicidal, and when the weekend comes it’s same again. Get some more. I can only talk quick now because I’m at work. But if he is not willing to get help. Delete thatt mates number, never see him again! He is not a mate! Cut everyone off. Can’t drink alcohol ever again as this is a big trigger.
You are gonna be doing this for the rest of your life.. So if I was u. Either tell him get help and do what I’ve suggested make sure he is and is not lying. Or you leave and u leave a happy life which is what u will get. I have go back to work but I’ll explain more later sorry
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Well I’m home. Now u OK?
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Hiya natasha thanks for that.
The pubs are not to bad to be honest. My using was on my own in the end at home sneaking to the toilet. Sad really but this is what it does to us.
On coke you will not eat 1 bit and I mean 1 bit. But the days after when u are not using come you will binge eat. I eat alot of sugar in the night, I wake up craving cereal, and sugar, this is like a substitute for cocaine because I’m quitting.
But u crave a lot of sugar as well as its like cocaine in away.
I never really lossed weight because I was using once a week at worse. If he’s using more times a week like 3 time a week. He’s not gonna be eating much. You just don’t want to eat the min u snort it
This is what happens in a come down scientifically and what it did to me.. So in our brains we have dopamine and serotonin, these are brain chemicals that make us happy and sad.. So imagine now like a thermometer. 1 to 100.. And – 1 to – 100.. (minus).
Not say I have a biscuit now I get excited.. Release dopamine. Will get a 5 on the scale, buying clothes 20, sex 100, all these things release dopamine levels in the brain. Now when you have cocaine.. Boom… Your dopamine explodes and just hits 1000 for example. And that’s why u keep wanting more and more. But what comes up must come down. So when the coke has gone, it doesn’t balance it self back out to 0. It goes to minus 1000, and this feeling Is awful. You feel depressed, suicidal, doing what u can to get more, texting everyone, escape the house at 4 am.
A few times the minute my bag ran out I was crying my eyes out. Its a horrible feeling. And it can take a few days to get back to normal.. Then come. Friday again, your OK and u want more again. Its a vicious circle.
My friends have killed them self’s on it. A lovely woman on here lost her son from it. It’s just a horrible disease. It makes you not to be the nice guy u was.
This addiction, the brain and disease does not want u to get better, it will manipulate every situation to use. That’s why I work a programme and it works. I hope I explained it as well as I can.
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I’m bad for figiting at night lol. Still now.
Maybe he needs a new job then. We have to make sacrifices in addiction they are hard but they are the right thing to do.
I like saying this, and promote c.a, but if you work a programme, pray and meditate each day, lead a honest life, I don’t lie anymore, I help people, I’m kind, I connect with other addicts, I pay bills on time. I. Have my own place, I see my kids. If u do all these things, each day, your life will get better, its like the law of attraction, if u give off good u will get good back. He’s just stuck in a rut in the same crappy routine. He needs to hit his rock bottom and get the help
I hope it goes well for you. And do what’s right for you x
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I’m bad for figiting at night lol. Still now.
Maybe he needs a new job then. We have to make sacrifices in addiction they are hard but they are the right thing to do.
I like saying this, and promote c.a, but if you work a programme, pray and meditate each day, lead a honest life, I don’t lie anymore, I help people, I’m kind, I connect with other addicts, I pay bills on time. I. Have my own place, I see my kids. If u do all these things, each day, your life will get better, its like the law of attraction, if u give off good u will get good back. He’s just stuck in a rut in the same crappy routine. He needs to hit his rock bottom and get the help
I hope it goes well for you. And do what’s right for you x
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Ye alcohol is a main trigger for coke.so I can’t drink ever again also. Well the drugs will eventually cause mental illness. And it will start with not sleeping because of up all night on coke which leads to phycosis which is from not sleeping. I know a few who got sectioned from coke. All got better and great lads now.
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It’s were you are up for days and start hallucinations ect.. And effects your mental health aswell.
I’m actually alright now. As long as I stick to. C. A and do a meeting each day. Ring people and my sponsor. It will keep me clean. And cut people off who. Use… I feel so much happier now
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It’s were you are up for days and start hallucinations ect.. And effects your mental health aswell.
I’m actually alright now. As long as I stick to. C. A and do a meeting each day. Ring people and my sponsor. It will keep me clean. And cut people off who. Use… I feel so much happier now
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It’s were you are up for days and start hallucinations ect.. And effects your mental health aswell.
I’m actually alright now. As long as I stick to. C. A and do a meeting each day. Ring people and my sponsor. It will keep me clean. And cut people off who. Use… I feel so much happier now
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And don’t be daft. You are normal stay far away as possible from it. And don’t even attempt to try it. Trust me on that
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Hi
How often is he using ?
My partner is taking crack and although he doesn’t bother me I just hate it. Every time he takes it he says he’s going to stop but then a week or two later he does it again.
I’ve told him now I’m going to tell his family to see if they can help as he won’t listen to me.
God knows why they do it but the drug comes before anything and anyone and they can’t see it destroying families/relationships x my sisters an addict too it’s awful ???? xx
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Just in a nighclub 13 years ago and tried it, was out in pubs ect for a year each week having it then, house partys ect.. Then when they stopped I was addicted and did not know. Was having it on my own.
What made me stop or want to was wanting to kill myself on a Come down it’s a horrible feeling and with the grace of god, I never. My children was the reason I. Never. But some people do. U just feel so upset and alone, feeling regret, remorse and u want to quit its just hard
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I guess there’s 2 sides to every story. My ex use just say to me.. Just say no Dan, I can ect.. If only it was that easy. He will never get help until he’s had enough pain as they say. Women in c.a have had their kids taken off them and it’s still not enough to quit. And these are not trampy dirty druggys. They are just normal hard working women were drugs have just took over.
It would be so easy if we could just say no. Or OK ill stop.
If I said to you now.. I’m gonna set you a challenge.. I want you not to touch chocolate and no coffee or tea for a whole year. Could you go with out? It’s hard and we are all addicted to something.
I would of said the same as you if I never took coke. My mum says the same. But if it effects you and your kids I also won’t stick around and put up with it.
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Ye course. I’ll try and find her
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Hey Natasha
How are you doing? How’s things at home?
So I came back. He had the longest time clean – around somewhere between 9 and 11 days (not sure exactly when he stopped). He was hell to live with during this time… swinging between abusive/violent and lovely. Was being more present for our child than before and playing with them… but also so volatile.
He claimed he wanted to stop. He could have got on tick but didn’t. So I believed and supported him even though at times he has been so abusive to me. Anyway, I got paid today and had said I’d help him pay to go away visit some friends for a sporting event he wanted to go to… on the other side of the country this weekend. When the plans fell through because of travel issue with the bank holiday affecting the public transport he took the money I’d give him to go away and has now gone and spent that on cigarettes and drink (which I was okay with because quitting everything at once is challenging) and then on the sly he has literally just gone and got the white stuff.
I’m so upset. I’ve just been crying by myself. I’m so sad that I trusted him. I told him when I gave him the money that he was expressly not to use it for any drugs and that I didn’t even want to give him any money due to trust issues and such… and he has on the very same afternoon I said that… gone and done that and broken my trust.
I’m literally done.
No housing came up for bidding this week. I don’t see how I can live here with out child anymore when he cannot control himself at all. I just want to go now… I’m in such a state because he literally doesn’t care how he affects us at all. I’ve just gone through over a week of dealing with him coming off the drug only for him to go back to it.
He commented to me before that when he’d previously had active addiction before it was for 1 or 2 months at most and didn’t openly affect anyone else as he lived by himself… so he knows what he’s doing and he’s still choosing to do that to me and our child.
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Hi all
So sorry you are going through this it must be hell especially if you have children
It’s very difficult to understand that it’s not that they don’t care for you
It’s that the addiction is stronger
Whatever pain they are in they need the drugs or alcohol to relieve it
They never seem to know why but deep inside there is something triggering it
My son has been sober for nearly 6 months but off he went on a bender
We all have Covid he was on his own and just decided to binge drink and not answer his phone
This is crazy drinking maybe 10/12 bottles of wine
I’ve been really unwell he lives 180 miles away from me
The drink made the Covid worse and he’s been in hospital since last Sunday
With breathing problems
They are really not in their right minds
It’s so powerful
You should try to look after yourselves and your children
It may take you a long time to get in a place where you can manage
Get help if you can
This is a good forum for advise and insight into this alien world you are in at the moment
Take care
Love and hugs
Joanie x
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Hi Natasha
I agree with you entirely it is a choice
I say that to my son
You are stone cold sober when you make the choice to do it
He says oh I never intend it to get out of hand
Your boys definitely deserve a better life
My son Is alone he left his wife for a young girl who thought she could manage him she gave him 10 years when she should have got out of it sooner
She has been left scarred from his madness
I glad she through him out
These addicts are better on their own
They do less damage
I hope you get your life back on track and are happy you deserve it
My son is in counseling he was doing well I’m hoping this is a bump in the road
It’s not the despair that gets me it’s the hope that things will be different
Love and hugs
Joanie x
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Natasha the relationship you’re in is abusive and if you feel comfortable leaving you should do that. If you aren’t comfortable leaving you should look at why. I’m sorry that you are going through this.
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How are you doing Natasha?
Mine is back at it. He spent all the money for that trip… on booze, cigs and drugs… I’m so upset about it but no point as he doesn’t care and would never see my point of view. And then he had the last of my money extracted by being all threatening and moody… for more cigs and drink.
I don’t believe he can or will stop. I’m so anxious to get out now. I don’t want to be pulled down any further with this sinking ship! Even if he could quit, I think he should do it alone as I want no part in it. He’s also smoking in the bedroom! Disgusting. Our child is disgusted too. He says he does it so he can keep an eye on what we’re doing – controlling.
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In the same position my mental health is starting to suffer now I don’t know what or where to turn.
Family just say we told you so.
His family because they don’t know about the addiction blame me, his mum in particular calls me a cheat, a liar. It’s making me so angry I went for got 2 interviews yesterday while he stayed in bed
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