[lozza]

My husband has been sober for almost 4 years and I couldn’t be more proud of him. I always thought our life would be perfect if he could just stop drinking. However…. he’s really unhappy and it hasn’t improved. I can totally understand why. The drink gave him confidence and without it, he struggles to be sociable. I don’t just mean with friends, it’s family as well. I find it really sad to see. He sits at family gatherings looking completely disinterested and generally just very uncomfortable. I thought things would improve over time but they haven’t. Has anyone else experienced this? Any advice on ways I can help him?

[zoeg]

Hi Lozza

This must be really hard for you, especially as you equated your husbands sobriety with such potential happiness for your lives. There may be something deeper going on here that the alcohol was masking/numbing. Is it an option to try couple counselling with Relate? Does he get support from a sponsor at AA? Even though he’s been sober for 4 yrs AA is still there as a support system – just a thought.

[lozza]

Hi. Many thanks for your reply. Yes you’re right, I did equate his sobriety with our happiness. Bit foolish really as I know the issues that drove him to drink never went away. He chose not to join any groups such as AA. He was never offered any counseling at the time. In fact, we had to fight for after care support when he came out of rehab. I’ll look into some counselling options. Thank you

[zoeg]

Best of luck Lozza x

[jamesb]

Hi Lozza, I will try keep this short as I have so much to say but mainly I want to try put a possible scenario across. Firstly it’s amazing that your husband had achieved what he has I can’t congratulate him enough. But when getting off anything they talk about triggers alot. I’m guessing what’s hard for him now is learning how to live life sober. Any social even, will of course be something to him that would be considered a trigger. I imagine pre sobriety, at social events he would have a drink and enjoy himself. What seems to you like him being disinterested may actually be himself in some way trying to mentally remove himself from the situation so he is not tempted to drink. In many ways it could be a show of how strong he really is. Managing to still attend and be disciplined enough to not interact too much to the point he may feel tempted. If you can talk to him and see if maybe something like that does play a part, then maybe try to find a way to work the social events around him where as no one is openly drinking etc. Just a thought but I hope it helps in some way x

[lozza]

I hadn’t actually looked at it like this. Interesting and would certainly make sense. It feels like he’s removed the alcohol but life is still the same. If you see what I mean. I will put this across to him. Thank you ????

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