[skyehigh]

This is the bit I’m struggling with. I accept that the addiction is an illness so I don’t understand why it would be morally right for me to just walk away. I wouldn’t do that with any other illness. But the alternative is I continue to be verbally abused daily, I continue to watch my daughters partner be both physically and verbally abused and I continue to see my grandchild scared because of my daughters erratic behaviour and shouting and screaming. I also have to worry every single day that she will kill herself, her child or someone else’s as she refuses to not drive. The police have been told but don’t seem concerned. I have explained that I think she will be over the limit every time she is behind the wheel but despite this she doesn’t get stopped. She has latched onto this ‘it’s an illness’ and is refusing to accept any blame for her behaviour “you don’t shout at people who get cancer. You don’t try and take their kids off them”. My head tells me that logically if the illness is causing so much damage to those around her then she has to be removed from there but my heart isn’t letting me do that.Her threats are that she will kill herself if she is not with her child. That if she is not with her child she will just drink more and more because why not? Also that if anyone ‘dares’ to take her child from her she will tell anyone and everyone that both her partner and I are abusive so that we also suffer. As her mother these threats are unbearable but I need to be able to put my grandchild first. Her partner also struggles with this, knowing it’s an illness but finding the behaviours intolerable and damaging to his and their child’s health. She lies not just daily but hourly and gets mortally offended if you tell her you know she is lying. My support of her partner is the ultimate betrayal as far as she is concerned and she said he I’ll never forgive me for this. I can find no help or advice anywhere for either him or myself. Everything that is out there seems to be about supporting the alcoholic while maintaining a relationship with them because it’s an illness.

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