[clems]

I separated from my husband last October. (Second separation) I said before lockdown I wanted to divorce him. I didn’t sort things out

re the divorce as I have three boys and 3 businesses, so lockdown was horrible.

Anyway, I tried to explain a little to the children. The eldest is 12 and has seen the bottles of wine being hidden. He doesn’t know about the coke addiction. The 8 yr old knows his father has an issue with drinking but not too much info. 5 yr old hasn’t been told anything just that his parents aren’t together.

However last week he lost his job. This will mean he can’t pay his rent etc. The only option is rehab. I’ve had to tell the boys he’s lost his job. They don’t know why and ask if he’s done something bad (yes he has) .

What should you tell children. How much is too much. I don’t want to lie. I feel I’ve told them enough, but want them to understand. My middle child is angry with me as thinks it’s me that doesn’t want his father at home.

I feel like running away from this mess. It’s a nightmare.

[redfox20]

Hi so sorry you’re going though this, I have 3 boys also and my partners use of coke has took a downward spiral into addiction too. He’s not at home at the moment & im having no contact he’s not seeing the kids for a month as I feel we need space and im protecting myself hoping he realises what he’s doing & gets help. He’s back home with he’s mum, my sons are 12 6 & nearly 2. Ive told the 12 year old the truth about he’s struggles he’s overheard some arguments so had a idea what’s been going on he is very mature for he’s age and has been a great support to me helping me with he’s younger brothers im very early pregnant so tired so not great timing at all to be in this situation. My 5 year old says daddy is always drinking beers I’ve told him daddy is going away to get help to stop doing that because right now he’s choosing to do that than be with us and that’s not good ive told him he will see daddy in a month he’s took this quite well. It is a nightmare and you can’t quite believe it’s happening can you? Addiction can affect any person living any life it robs them and you of so much it’s so sad.. it’s nice to know where not alone so many people at going through this and that helps because it can feel very lonely can’t it. X

[icarus-trust]

Hi Clems,

Thanks for posting and sharing your story. I can imagine that what you are going through must seem like a nightmare and so difficult to know what to tell the children

If you would like to talk with someone who would understand what you are going through please contact us at The Icarus Trust. We are a charity that supports people like you who are affected by a partner’s addiction. If you contact us I can put you in touch with one of our trained and experienced people. Talking with one of them might help you to find answers to some of your questions.

You can contact Icarus Trust on help@icarustrust.org or visit our website http://www.icarustrust.org

All the very best to you and your family.

[Author]

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