[Delilah21]

I have been with my SO for a total of 10 years, 2 married. He is an alcoholic, although says he is not when it suits him, he has had counselling, has attended AA and was sober for over a year until Aug 23 since then it has been a rollercoaster, he believes to have any kind of social life or enjoyment he has to have a drink,ceventhough when sober he would often tell me how much better and healthier he felt, he was more sociable, when he drinks he does so alone and in hiding  guilts me so that I won’t tell anyone about it. Christmas has been so bad and dishearting that I cannot face another year starting like this. He has done so many things that I have forgiven but I can’t forget shdn he starts on another binge. I have cried so many tears. I just wanted to write something down as I feel so lonely and don’t know where to turn. He was my best friend and, someone, the only one i shared my hopes, dreams and insecurities with, now anytime he drinks he has thrown it all back in my face. I just feel at such a loss.

[Lozzy80]

Hi Delilah.

I feel your pain. Addiction is so cruel, it robs the sufferer and their loved ones of so much. Hopes and dreams shattered, constant turmoil and chaos. And feeling isolated due to the fear/shame of sharing your situation with friends family.. not that we should feel any shame or guilt at all, but we get promised by our SOs not to say anything – sometimes under the threat that we will just make things worse.

I attended a few of the SMART online support meetings for friends and family (details are on the online support page of this website). I found this really supportive – listening to others going through similar – many shared stories of loved ones having got clean, then relapsing .

with your SO, there does seem to be that glimmer of hope – a whole year sober is fantastic progress,  sadly their relapse s not something in your control and its not a reflection of their love or appreciation of you. hopefully there comes a day where your SO does see sense in stopping again, they have done it before they can do it again… but only if they really want to. I know you already know this, but only they can decide this and it will be a long bumpy road ahead, do what you need to do, for your best interest is my advice.. do not feel guilty if you need to leave , do it.

Wishing you all the best whatever you decide to do

[Delilah21]

Thank you Lozzy80, I will have a look at the online support.

Sometimes its just good to get it out. It is a cruel addiction. I am really trying at the minute to do things for me and let him make his own choices as I know it has to be him that makes the changes. I’m trying to get back to my own self  and am starting the year off by starting up things that I used to really enjoy instead of sitting in the house waiting to pick up the pieces.

Thank you again for your kind words

[Author]

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