What to do

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    • February 17, 2021 at 10:13 pm #21098
      desperate92
      Participant

      Also, we have tried to get help but as it isn’t a “stronger drug” I feel that we’re not taken seriously and we are told to just deal with it on our own.

      I think the hardest thing is that nobody knows either. His parents are completely oblivious and as we’ve been in lockdown for nearly a year, I told friends he got clean and they don’t need to know anything else.

      I’m so alone

    • February 18, 2021 at 1:50 pm #21109
      kjs
      Participant

      Does he want help and to quit?

      If so he needs to first recognise his triggers and why he smokes.

      Whatever the reason it is treatable be it depression, chronic pain, insomnia

      He also needs to drop all routines around smoking. That last smoke at night? Have a hot chocolate instead

      And finally he needs to stop smoking cigarettes and drinking (if he does) both are well known triggers for substance abuse

    • February 18, 2021 at 10:25 pm #21116
      desperate92
      Participant

      He says he does want to quit but as he’s just been sober for 7 months, he’s not seeing this lapse as a addiction issue but he keeps calling it “a blip” instead. Am I being harsh and as he’s just managed to go 7 months without it, does he deserve that “blip”? I don’t think that’s right but I have no idea how to deal with this and what’s the right thing to do.

      Some advice says you shouldn’t shout at them or blame them both other posts say to be strong and don’t be enabler. I’m finding it so hard with what to do.

      Yes it’s the last smoke at night and because I go to bed before him then there isn’t anyone but himself to say no to. I think that’s where he struggles

    • February 19, 2021 at 10:43 am #21123
      kjs
      Participant

      It’s a ‘blip’ if it’s once, say in a social situation, and he regretted it, spoke about it and wants to move on. Relapses happen

      If you believe that then you need to accept it and move on

      It’s extremely hard not to get angry when you feel betrayed and he needs to understand that he did that, not you

      You need to think about your boundaries and set some. What is making you anxious or uncomfortable? What does he need to do to build the trust back up? Sit and discuss it and ensure he knows you want to support him but you also need to look out for yourself

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