[lonelygirl]

Before lockdown I noticed my Mum was doing cocaine. I’ve seen my friends do it and the impact it has had on them but have never had to deal with proper addiction. I thought I was going out of mind and had got it all wrong but then I started checking her phone and going through all her things. I thought this was crazy, a Mum should be doing this to her daughter not the other way around. But then I found it in her jacket pocket, I confronted her and she said it was a one off.

However, it’s just got more and more frequent and I don’t know what to do. I tell her I don’t like it and once she even said “I know you hate me” and I told her I will never hate you but I do hate what you do.

She is never completely off her face but the more frequent it is becoming the more worried I get. I live with my Mum and I just feel I cannot get away. I used to live with my Nan to look after her but she passed away last year, maybe this is affecting my Mum more then I think? But losing my Nan absolutely killed me yet I didn’t resort to drug use.

I haven’t told my partner or anyone because I am too embarrassed. But then I think maybe my partner knows and is too embarrassed to say something to me. Me and my partner decided to come off the pill and try for a baby. However, I constantly feel like I want to go back on the pill because I can’t bring a baby in to this right now.

I just feel constantly lost and on my own. I’m striving in my career and dread coming home. Any advice or support would be much appreciated.

[notmyrealname]

Do you and your partner both live with her? If you do he’s probably seen something at some point. I think you do need to talk to him about it, especially if it’s affecting such important decisions for you as starting your own family.

When you say you can’t get away do you mean you won’t move out because of her problem? I think it would be a weight off your mind if you spoke to him.

I think it’s a conversation you should try to have before you get pregnant as it might involve some stressful decisions needing to be made.

[lonelygirl]

I decided to speak to him about it. He was so unsupportive. He said he noticed but she is an adult and it’s her choice. His words was “she isn’t doing crack” but tbh cocaine is still a very addictive drug.

I just feel he doesn’t understand how I feel. Maybe I am being selfish and she is an adult so she can make her own decisions?

But it just hurts me to know she is throwing her life away and pushing me away in the process.

I have decided to go back on the pill as I feel so lonely and I’m always emotional over this. It wouldn’t be fair to bring a baby into it.

I have been thinking about moving out but I just don’t want her to get worse. I support her so much with all the bills that I don’t know if she would cope without my support.

[notmyrealname]

Yes cocaine is very addictive, the reason I’m on this site is because of my partner having got gradually more and more addicted to cocaine and disrupting various areas of his life.

I suppose for your partner he doesn’t have the emotional attachment to be concerned like you, but he also might feel worried to get involved in case he offends anyone, especially if he’s relying on your mom for somewhere to live. He probably thinks he is being supportive to you both by not judging her.

It doesn’t sound like you are being selfish it sounds like you are putting her needs before yours. Yes she is an adult that can make her own decisions but it sounds like they are affecting your life aswell, and it sounds like you can’t make the decisions you want to make.

[notmyrealname]

How are you? Did you have any progress?

[salboo]

Hi lonelygirl,

I am so sorry you are going through this… I have been through very similar. I totally get how let down you feel about your mum and I also get the feeling of loneliness. My partner does not understand my mum’s addictions either and it causes many arguments between us.

You are NOT being selfish at all… the two people who I presume are closest to your are not emotionally available and you are going through something horrific and traumatic. No one wants to see their mum take hard drugs and anyone would react in exactly the same way you did.

In times like this we need to have a support network that we can turn to when it gets too much, and it must be even worse for you because you are living in the same house as your mum.

As I say I often feel quite alone… no one understands or knows what to say because their mum is not an addict. To a degree I understand that…. how are people supposed to know how you feel if their mum is not an addict? Just remember your feelings are valid.

Whatever you decide to do please always put your needs and your mental heath and wellbeing before anyone else’s.

xxx

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