[kelsbels]

Hi to all,

ok abit of a back story..met my man 4yrs ago..knew from the off he was a cannabis user, I wasn’t too bad with that at that time..I also came to understand he had a past criminal record..the way he put, was survival (strange word that he used most of the time to show how he was living)..was a bit bluh about the past..always believed people sometimes deserve a second chance..I guess the relationship went a bit too fast..the I love you came within weeks

so..things are moving forward..found my man to be very funny at times..the way it was so easy to talk and be with him..although at the time, he was living in a shared house, so you have drug users mostly in them…he was working at the time, cash in hand..he talked loads and loads..like talking about exs, past crimes, the fights & prison..I guess I did say abit about my past & where I am now..about 6months in…he came clean about using meth..self medication..a few health issues that he thought he was covering..in fact made it worse..he ended up being moved from that house..into another..and things stepped up from here

he used crack a lot when he was in his early twenties..I guess an additive personality..during the rave years of the late 80s early 90s..lsd, e’s…the cannabis since the age of 16..then times in prison..heroin..vallum..all types of pills to pass the time.

something happened in that shared house..I was sexually assaulted by his neighbour..he walked away from me..he left me out there with that man..felt scared felt worried..the drink I had didn’t help..it took him a few days, the texts where so nasty..so nasty..then he worked out what had happened..my family think that this happened as maybe a debt to be paid off..why he walked away from me ..that hurt so much..and yes I believe at that time he was on the crack with a few of the house mates..always a supply..during this time at that house, he got evicted for not paying rent…not having housing benefit sorted..so around October time..that is when he was removed by the police..I feeling bad..I let him stay at mine for a couple of weeks..the first few days..I found a bottle of meth behind the sink..horrible fight, him saying he doesn’t know how it got into his stuff..he didn’t want to throw it in the bin..didn’t want me to see it..sorted that out..a couple of nights after..he came back, drunk and white powder under his nose..started another nasty fight..this time the police moved him out

so he’s homeless..he’s here he’s there..the whole bloody time he’s still getting drugs..he burnt his hands real bad..he had to go to a burns hospital..then he gets nicked..he goes on the run..the whole time he’s blaming me..the whole time he’s getting money, food, bath, clothes washed..and sometimes a bed from me…two weeks back..he broke up with me..again the verbal..finding out he’s used spice, crack & whatever else..bringing me so down..I ended up trying to take my own life..in the mean time, he was caught..sent to prison for 36weeks..another case to answer to in July..so he’s away..no contact..yet I feel like I have been dropped from such a height..I feel lost..I feel so many things..now worried for when he comes out..I’ll be blamed he was put inside..nothing to do with the drugs he’s forever on..it hurts that his words where just that..oh it hurts

[natasha21]

<p style=”text-align: left;”>Hi lovely,  none of this is your fault just remember that. I actually think they are just wired wrong , ive been with my husband for 28 years, and it’s a living hell every single day.god knows how long he’s been taking cocaine for but he’ has a drink problem and he’s a narcissistic pig too.The lies he has told and is still doing on a daily basis to my face its unbearable. I’ve asked for a divorce but he refuses to go.hes absolutely broken me, I don’t trust anyone anymore. My advice to you is move on and work on yourself xx</p>

[kelsbels]

Hi Natasha21,

hey I hope you are doing well..you are so correct with the wired wrong part!!..it’s horrible that they continue to throw knives at us, and we still stand there..just absorbing it all..the lies are something else..we know it’s lies, they know it’s lies, yet they hammer it so hard..the little bits of cling film on the floor, in the bed..in a jumper..crack pipe..small spoon..tin foil..but no, I haven’t taken anything..do you think I would be here if I had..Natasha21, I don’t know about you, but don’t half feel like a detective most of the time…never actually believing anything that is said..oh the love bombs come in thick & fast..all the love you’d and promises..next minute they are in your face screaming blue murder..yet it’s never something they do, always something we have done..before he got nicked, I didn’t let him in my house..was with my eldest upstairs watching a program with her on her laptop..that was the last time of his screaming and shouting at me through the phone..because I didn’t answer the door!!

when it comes down to you divorcing..darling that ball is right in your court..I was married for 20yrs, found out he was cheating..he moved out, said I was divorcing him, which I did..done it all myself..when he refused to sign..the court emailed him..he answered..I was granted my divorce!!..you can do it chick..amazing I go from one hot pot to the other..thought this man, he’s my man..turns out they are the same..cheaters..except it’s drugs, something they don’t want to let go of..maybe the best thing is to move on, close that door..the more we stand there, thinking if I loved him more, if he could see what I do for him, maybe this time he will stop..it’s not enough to stop them..hard to walk away in it..hard to take the drugs won..the person we loved, replaced by evil monsters..I don’t think they would ever be free of the drugs..the addiction is always going to be there if they don’t fight to be free every day..feels shit, it really does xx

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