[franticmum]

been to my sons flat today, words cannot describe what its like, but i suppose at least its his home until he loses that too, tried to talk to him but as usual its all my fault, hes says there is no point in being clean as no one trusts him, and he has nobody who cares for him, i really dont know where we go from here, part of me wants to turn my back and leave him to it but if i do im scared of what he will do, how can he do this to me again and again, there seems to be nothing anyone can say or do to get through to him. Im at a loss to understand this latest relapse as he had done so well building a life free of drugs after many years of being at rock bottom, he knows how much he has to lose and what his addiction has done to our family, but he still is choosing the wrong path. I feel sick all the time waiting for that call bringing bad news. I have told him again and again how much he is loved. Its 17 yrs since he first started using drugs and I cant bear to think of living this hell for much longer something has got to change but what ? I know there are no easy answers but I find a little comfort just writing my thoughts down and on here no one judges me, I just wish I had just a tiny bit of hope left

[fifi65]

Hi Sue, hope your ok hun, my son called round yesterday, not seen him for a month or so, same clothes on, hair like a scare crow and basically looked like a tramp.. he just doesnt seem to care.. I ask him straight out ” do you want to die” he said he doesnt care weather he lives or dies, he just doesnt like hurting me and his nana.. how sad! He wants to do another cold turkey in his bedroom but the stress he has caused me on other attempts is making me very wary.. I know he is to far gone to do it that way, but doesnt stop him trying to convince me he can.. Oh Sue I wish i could wave a magic wand and make it all better for all of us, I really do xx

[franticmum]

me too Fiona, i really feel like im at the end of the road now, I dont have any more to give, but fear the worst is going to happen, if the drugs dont kill him the blood clot could break at any time he refuses to go back in hospital and is not even taking the medication to thin his blood, its like being in a nightmare and I cant wake up. By what you have said it seems your son needs professional help if he is serious about getting clean, we have done the cold turkey a few times in the past with absolutely no success, Why do they do this to us not just once but over and over again, all I can do (and im sure you are the same) is take each day at a time hour by hour , and pray that the miracle will happen, sending you a big hug and I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to reply to me its like a lifeline at the moment, take care Fiona and try to keep strong
love & hugs Sue xxx

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