[mirror234]

I wrote on here a while ago and since then things have sadly just got worse.

My husband hid his addiction from me for god knows how long, I’m only now just learning how bad it really was…is.

We’ve been together 8 years, moved into our first home last March and it was pretty much from then things started to go down hill, I believed he was depressed so we spent months getting him to the doctor trying to help him, it was only really this year that things hit rock bottom.

In the last 6 months I’ve discovered the serious amount of cocaine he was snorting daily, the prostitue’s he’d been calling / meeting (claims never to have done anything sexual with any) and the huge debt he is in. In the last 5-6 weeks he has attempted suicide 3 times, last week being the worst where it resulted in life support thankfully he is recovering well, however he cannot remember anything from the past 2 years so everything he has done is just forgotten and now it feels like I have to just forget it as well. I have had access to his phone, I knew most things but since found he’d been speaking to girls he knew through friends etc. (They were decent enough to decline his offers as aware he is married) but he was trying to invite them to our home?!

my question is though, when is enough enough?

Whilst I love him dearly and I would never wish bad upon him, I just feel so confused. These actions aren’t him, cocaine much like alcohol alters your mind and rational thinking, I’m not making excuses by any means just trying to figure it all out.

I feel angry that his addiction is stopping me from my life, I’m 29 we got married 5 months ago have our first home and dog together, life should be exciting, we should be hosting dinner parties, talking about starting a family, booking holidays. Yet none of it’s happening and I understand that isn’t all there is to life… I guess I just want normal as I haven’t had it for so long. I can’t quite remember the last time I was happy…

I hope you can appreciate this is just a very short version of what has happened just some support or something would be nice

[ash2013]

I cant reply!

[ash2013]

Keeps spinning when I reply 🙁

[ash2013]

Hi Egg04,

It seems like all the wives on this forum with husbands on cocaine could write the same story, only alternating sightly.

Sorry you are going through all this, its so draining and so unfair. It seems to me like you do love him, and you also feel like you have to stick around because you dont want to be the reason he spirals, or tries to kill himself… right? But what about you, what about what you want.

Cocaine makes users selfish beyond comprehension, and they don’t give a darn about anything apart from what they want to do.

I don’t have a magic wand, if I did, I would string up all dealers, burn all the plantations of cocaine, and get all these poor addicts back on track. It really is about how much you can take, how strong you are and if you believe he wants to get help. It sounds like you have been through an awful time. You cannot live your life like this, you are still young. His problem is not your problem. Don’t get to my age (45 with a child together) broken.

Its not for anyone to tell you what to do, but what would you tell a friend going through what you are, to do? I think then you have your answer.

You said, dinner parties, holidays, you appreciate thats not all there is to life…. but wouldnt it be nice if you had a glimpse of that. No its not all there is to life, but nor is what you’re having to go through day after day.

Sending love x

[danman83]

You are right, if he wasnt on the come he probably wont be cheating, but its one of them, u wont ever know..

Your in a crappy situation were if you leave and he does commit suicide, your obviously going to blame your self its human instinct, and i dont mean to upset you, but do you seriously think he did nothing with the prostitutes? And if he never he went to meet them for sex. Simple as. Im doing my best to stop coke im lapsing once a month and i cant stand the stuff. So i know how your husband feels and how awful the stuff is.

But my advice is.. is that you have a couple of options..you stay with him, he gets the help.. no more cheating and if he keeps relapsing your leaving.

Or your young.. do you really think is he going to change and you pack your shit now and move on and may be still support him. Your probably going to be looking over your shoulder all your life with him till the next time you get hurt.

Id personally have a good think what you want to do. Its not all about him. You need to think of yourself.

[hox]

For fourteen years I had an exciting life. We both worked, had a nice home. Have dogs. Had dinner parties on occasions for family and close friends. Went out to restaurants. Wanted a family. Had holidays, everything was an adventure and I loved my life. Husband did too before he decided to get in with the wrong crowd and ended up being arrested. This in turn turned him to drink more and take cocaine every time he went out with friends.

When you say ‘you understand that isn’t all there is to life’……. I think you are wrong, that is a normal life doing all the nice things you have mentioned.

Only you will know when enough is enough.

[Author]

Posts