[enough]

Hi I’ve looked at this site many times and read lots of support people give.

My story is the same as so many out there. My bf of 6 years has been a cocaine addict probably the whole time I’ve known him. But I started questioning him about 3 years ago giving him the ultimatum. And yes we are still at that stage however many times he says he will stop.

I have obviously read many websites for information I thought I understood that he loves me but he just keeps on going back and spending LOTS of money on it. We go thru cold turkey, his tears, my tears, saying he will never do it again etc etc we’ve all heard it haven’t we. He’s tried to get help but he didn’t see it thru. I am stick to death with it. Due to the stress I ended up in hospital with what the drs thought was a brain infection I was that poorly but it ended up being stress triggered. I couldn’t even tell you my date of birth!!! And yet he still takes cocaine on a daily basis.

I just don’t get it. How often does an addict have it. I know he has a minimum of 4 lines a day. And to have one when just chilling at home or ready for bed. Am I naive but why have one to go to bed with? Does it make you feel horny taking cocaine? Crikey there are soooo many questions I would love answers to. The list is endless. It’s such a hard situation when you adore and love someone that let them make you ill, penniless and incredible paranoid and on egg shells. I tried telling my best friend about it but obviously she told me to just get him out my house or he will rinse me dry. And she’s not wrong but I love him.

I take it I’m not alone?? Thanks in advance for ure help.

[danman83]

Hiya, hope you are OK? I’m the same as your bf, I’ve been using coke for 11 year, I was 26 when. I 1st started. For the last 8 year I’ve been doing my best to quit it. My use is only once every few week, or once a week. Never really during the week. But I am still an addict. It doesn’t have to be everyday.

I’m 4 week clean now, I have joined C A anonymous after my last relapse boxing day. I’ve just had enough. I’m sick of the depression, suicidal thoughts ect.. There is not one positive thing about it. I feel so much better now and my life is getting better, but its early days.

If your bf is having it everyday, he must be bad, god knows why he needs it before bed? Because it keeps you up for hours and hours. Ye it does make you horney, but it also gives u bad anxiety and heart problems, shakes and so on and really bad paranoia.

If u want him to stop, he needs to want to stop for himself, otherwise he will just keep using. He needs delete all dealers and friends nums to do with coke, even come off social media. Also he needs to take up new hobbies.

It’s hard, really hard. It’s like a devil on your shoulder. Egging you on all the time.

That’s why C A works. You swap numbers and go to meetings. I’ve been their 4 week I have 20 people now in my phone and I speak to most daily talking to each other. This helps in recovery. It put me off at 1st but honestly it really works. I meditate every day now. I’ve never felt happier. Your bf is just stuck in a big rut and needs to get out and fast!

Now… This is my opinion..if he isn’t prepared to get the help or admit he has a problem and implement new strategies in his life to stop getting coke and carry on wasting money. Do you want to stay around and damage your health aswell.?

My gf has stood by me but I really have put the effort in. It is hard and he will get there but that’s if he wants to quit. Feel free to ask me anything.

[enough]

Hi danman

I really really appreciate ure reply – thank you.

He says he wants to quit. He says he hates it but yet still does it.

He has tried to get help but with Covid I don’t think it’s great as it’s call every month or so and I know he’s ignored a call so now isn’t helped.

I will look into C A – thank you.

Are you actually able to attend meetings in this crisis of Covid?

You are doing really well. I just wish we could be in that situation. He gets so depressed when he goes and buys it but just can’t not. We’ve been thru the delete numbers, I paid off people he owed money too but he obviously knows where they live so just turns up. Reels off stories of why he went. He felt tired, needed a pick me up, cope etc etc.

I’m getting sick to the teeth with hearing the excuses and it just makes me feel utter disgust that he can do this to me all the time.

I don’t know whether you were / are the same but he just lies so much I don’t think he knows how to tell the truth which I find soooo difficult. As he’s lying he tries to find things to make me look bad but I’m not up o anything and wouldn’t do anything from drugs to cheating but he questions me all the time to try and make him feel better but obviously finds nothing as I’m not up to anything.

I’m just scared that I’ve lost the will to live with the whole “”coke””” scenario as it’s in my head from the moment I wake until bed and it’s consuming our lives.

Not to mention the constant nose and throat problems. Everything he eats gets stuck, his nose runs the whole time and he blows out massive hard parts of what looks like his nose. It’s really shocking. It will kill him. I just know it will with the amount of abuse he’s doing to his body and for so long as I know he has done it since his late teens and he’s now nearly 50!!!

Thank you for listening and your reply. And keep up the good work. I will try and look into a hobby or something that’s a great idea. THANK YOU!!!

[danman83]

Yes because of covid meetings are all online from zoom. U just go to CA website and search meetings. They are on from 7am to 10pm loads of areas, but it doesn’t matter as its zoom. Tell him get to as many as he can. That’s if he wants to.

It sounds like he is using a hell of a lot. Is he in a well paid job? More money.. More coke.. I guess. That’s one of my main reasons I am stopping my health. My heart was pounding for days after my last use a month ago, and had bad anxiety.

All these excuses he says of why he is picking up, he drove past there by accident, ect.. Ect… It his is brain tricking him. His brain will want it, even if deep down he doesn’t. He needs to avoid these triggers. Go the long way round, and do near the dealers, no drinking, talking to certain people. The list goes on. Mine can be a key, as I snorted off keys a lot. It’s that small what a trigger can be.

This is why you swap nums, if you feel like using phone your sponsor, get some numbers off the zoom meetings, and you phone someone if u want to use, and they talk you out of it! Believe me it works! Cravings only last 20 min.

I also do a little drawn diagram on my fridge of a calender. Can be weekly, monthly. Each day has task, read, walk, gym decorate, meeting, no alcohol. Make you a meal lol things like this to keep him focused helps a lot.

He need a to take baby steps. Just stay clean for each day he needs to tell himself. I listen to cocaine recovery podcast on you tube these help me so much. Tell him listen to a few. There is light at the end of the tunnel, it just goes down to how much he is willing to try.

[retroheadz]

Hey Enough,

You sound so caring and loving. Imagine having a cocaine free life and going to bed with your partner and not even having to think about it like it never even excised in your relationship. Well unfortunately it is affecting you and your in love so it’s like a devil on your shoulder. Knowing many people that have suffered and do suffer this dirty drug I have learned to known that usually you have only two options and one is to give him the serious and final ultimate to get genuine monitored help and stop with monthly testing! Or you leave the relationship and I’m serious!! Do you want this for the rest of your life or do you want to be free from this and enjoy a living environment and a stress free life. He will keep feeding you this “I will stop” but I can guarantee you he can’t ????????‍♂️ It’s not possible and he will always know that you will back him up unless you leave of give him the final warning. I think you probably know all this but it’s talking the steps to do it now and not in another 10yrs time when your mental destroyed and he’s drained and burnt out. Try and get some different support and make new decisions that he’s not familiar with to try and break the cycle. I wish you luck

[enough]

Hi retroheadz

Thank you for message. Everything you say is sooo true. I’ve done the ultimatum chat but like you say it’s still going on. Yet again he’s going to try again. But in the back of my head I think we both know it’s destroyed us and I doubt it will ever stop. But when u love someone you don’t care so much about yourself as it’s already got into a mind blowing situation and fills me with dread that I ask him to leave. I’m not mentally a very strong person but I feel this is how the cocaine addiction has done to me even tho I’ve never tried or even considered trying it. It’s so hard because you can’t talk to ANY that knows and loves me. There weeks and months and years just past. But I really can’t take anymore lies and I am always on his case a few times a day. The lying that comes with it destroys me.

Thank you for your advice. I really do appreciate all comments and realise that I’m not alone.

[Author]

Posts