[bess]

My husband is an alcoholic in the last month or so been in rehab two weeks came out started drinking after three days few days later checked himself into hospital to get sober then carried in drinking went back to rehab ten days and first thing he did when he came out was start drinking again I couldn’t cope anymore

Devastated at the fact he kept choosing to drink I snapped and told him to leave my reasons were many

Financial I got myself into huge debt in my name to help him get help he wanted

Emotional my sweet loving husband was hard to find instead a stranger

Exhaustion from caring for him when he got into such awful drunk states

It was all too much so I told him to leave

He flipped in our whole relationship he has never ever shouted or raised a hand to me

He was drunk and wanted the car keys I refused he grabbed me by the throat twice I managed to locked him outside I was terrified and called police the following morning while I was trying to clear up the mess he had left behind he turned back up at the house I didn’t realise until he was in the front door he said we needed time apart I agreed

Because of Coronavirus I couldn’t put him out he had nowhere to go and he was quite sober and apologetic and mortified by his actions

That was just over a week ago finally he had somewhere to live obviously we have been sleeping in separate beds but he has been drinking heavily since coming home

My boundaries were crossed the first if he ever got aggressive with then when he came home it was the second boundary

I said no secret drinking no vodka no wine he still did it

He was to drunk to sort his own accommodation out bead to do it

I know I can’t help him anymore he has to want to get better for himself

I know we need time apart as the police officers told him

But now I am scared

Truely afraid of what our futures hold

All I ever dreamed of was having all I had before Christmas we had an amazing life

What if this separation doesn’t help him what if I lose my husband forever

When he walks out the door tomorrow he takes my girls (dogs) and my stepson (he doesn’t live with us full time )whom I love dearly with him

He takes all I hold dear with him I will be completely alone and I am scared for myself I have no family nearby or friends I am too shy

I keep running through my head that this separation is best for both of us

But when I get weaker moments when the reality of what’s happening kicks in I am truly terrified what if I lose them all forever

Sorry for rambling x

[Author]

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