[tracy24]

Long post so bare with

Met my partner Feb 2020 everything was fine he came across confident and cocky a man of 42 then he liked a line and a beer, little did I know how bad these addictions where, we hit covid and lockdown he moved in, wasn’t working due to covid he works to fund his addictions, thing got bad the rows started he promised and promised to give up he said it wasn’t the life he wanted, yet everytime he chose the drugs, fast forward we have broke up on a few occasions each time he goes into self destruction mood, ignores me for days and gets on it, now this coxaine addiction is now crack, we rowed Wednesday he left, no contact since normal for him, 5 days his been gone and yesterday I see a photo of him on his sister in laws fb, he looked rough aged and withdrawn the weight had dropped his teeth looked like they are starting to decay, I was shocked 4days and he looked like this, I have decided to walk away now as much as I love him and when its good its great but the drugs are his priority not me, but I’ve tried saving him and lost myself doing so, this hurts as I am so worried what may happen and I know he will go downhill, he doesnt have a phone so no contact and I doubt he will show up as he doesnt get drugs from me or money so I am not a supply to him, do these men realise what they have do, do they regret chosing drugs do they ever get clean, his now 43 cocaine, crack, booze and gambling addictions, why was I never important enough

[worriedsister]

I have just found out my partner is using crack and smoking heroin and I don’t know what To do. X he’s 41 and my hearts broke I don’t want to lose him.

I am sorry I have no advice but wish these men would realise what and who they are destroying xx

[tracy24]

Sad isn’t it, mine got clean for 3mths then boom back on it this time his gone from cocaine to crack, in small amount of time his appearance has changed massively, I’ve walked away ive tried to help him trust me there isn’t anything I didn’t do for that man apart from give him money or buy him drugs that was never an option, I was his only normality the only gf his ever had thats not taken coke or anything else with him, sad hey,

My advice is to walk you cantvsave someone else bug you can save yourself, I write poetry song lyrics and rap lyrics today I wrote this I find writing and expressing in words help, I tried he failed and for as long as I take him back I will always be 2nd best always his love is drugs his grip is drugs his addiction is drugs, yeah I do not doubt for one moment this man didn’t love him when it was good it was great when it was bad it was hell, the promises the dreams the future plans, yeah again thats what he wants but its not what he NEEDS and until he makes that decision to be clean I cannot and will not watch him slowly kill himself and deterate, I have children they aren’t his thats no life for me and certainly no lives for my kids, I have written a letter I haven’t sent yet, it explains how his addictions affected me and how much I know although I know he doesn’t want that life his he has to do that himself as what I’ve tried didn’t walk, yes off course I hope one day he will knock on my door clean but I doubt it will happen addiction is a disease but I’ve spent 15mths trying he was the cleanest he had ever been with me as my house isn’t and never will be a drug zone again I have kids, and I don’t do drugs nor do the people I associate with its like I was his escape until the withdrawal really kicked in and he would start rows to walk out be gone for days, I know where he was getting on it with his so called mate or shall I say supply his mate is a serious drug and alcohol addict riddled in mental health, sectioned 3 times before 51 and is a shell doesnt work doesnt do f all claims dla and rarely moves from his flat its flithy and this is where he goes, sad and crazy at the same time, xx

[tracy24]

This is a rap I wrote this morning

Crack and cocaine causes to much pain

, it’s insane, a chemical reaction to the brain,

a life wasted, the families shame, the way you drain, just to feel sane, yet your crippled by pain, for what you take is to blame, a life of lies deciet and shame, you hide away but paranoia effects your brain,your excuses are to lame,the lies become another game,, the hit is never tame,whos to blame?? you, the dealer or Mr crack cocaine,

[worriedsister]

That’s brilliant what you’ve written there xx

Especially if it helps you too! You’ve got a talent there xx

My partner was and I were a thing 10 years and I knew he dabbled with coke in his younger years as I did myself.

But when we got back in touch the past couple of years he never told me at all about being on drugs. In fact he told me when I asked if he would do coke again that he wouldn’t go near it it’s not worth it. Yet there he is secretly taking crack and smoking heroin!

He works 5-6 days a week in the building trade and functions fairly well. I noticed he has these late late nights , he lives an hour and half from me.so we phone and text a lot if we aren’t together.

And he would be up all night but in the past I’d stayed up talking to him with no drugs or booze.

And then he would sleep all day/night I started getting suspicious. When I couldn’t get hold of him I thought he was cheating so looked in his phone and found messages about him being off his head on drugs for the past couple of years.

I much rather he had another woman on the go I was completely gob smacked!

He’s yet to actually tell me himself and I’ve told him I know somethings not right but he keeps papering over the cracks and acting all normal.

I’ve messaged him again tonight saying I want honesty before anything else can happen.

But maybe it’s a lost cause. I’m devastated as you are too.

Everyone is telling me to walk away but even all those years ago it was love at first sight and I just feel I owe it to him to at least discuss it when he’s ready and see what he has to say.

If he doesn’t admit it I will know I need to walk away but I will tell his family so at least they can try and get him help. Xx

I think you are incredibly brave to walk away as I know how you are feeling and I guess I will be doing the same too.

I have a child from another relationship so I won’t be messing about if he doesn’t want to change then I won’t hang about. X

[Author]

Posts