[zen]

New here and see a lot of people in a similar situation. I’m at a loss we are the stage where his use is minimum once a week, he had been in recovery for years until about a year ago and it started with dabbling. We’ve had 3 major low points whereby it’s “I need to get help” and 2 weeks down the line it’s game over again. This most recent binge has resulted in the worst irrational and paranoid behaviour I’ve been accused of all sorts and he has been thru my phone which I allow because I know he is insecure and i have nothing to hide. Previous binges have seen him hack into my emails and find things I didn’t even know were there off years ago. It always seems to get turned round on to me. I found that he had set up an account on some sex chat site I am devastated obv he denies it but I’m not stupid!!

The paranoia kicks in as soon as he uses now which I know is a clear sign of psychosis. He has left again this week whilst off his face saying he will ruin my life for what he has found from files on my old phone I’m at a total loss because I’ve done nothing. But yet I’m sitting here willing him to get in touch so we can sort it out I don’t know why I can’t just walk away from it. It’s like I know it’s not him it’s the drugs and I have always had this feeling that I know he can do it. I’m limited with who I can talk to because family and friends just don’t understand and want to protect me.

[dfh]

All I can say is you need to change the way you think. Why on earth would you want him back after behaving like this toward you? Call him out on it.

My husband is like this, and I have detached and largely leave him to his own devices as far as I can manage. As long as he doesn’t affect the kids. He is now waiting for rehab. He regularly spends nearly 80% of his wages in 3 days so I have learnt not to rely on him in any way. Or lend him my car, or get any financial mess with him. I’m really sorry but I’m starting to hate him for what he is doing to our family. To the pint where I would suggest you just leave and don’t look back. If you do, you will thank me in a few months. I’ve had 14 years of this and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

Take it as an escape route. Honestly. And just get out while you can. They are life leeches, they will suck anything of any good out of you and then they will leave your shell behind.

[zen]

I’m sorry for your situation and hear what you are saying in fact I’m reading it over and over hoping it will sink in . I to have kids but from another relationship I knew what I was gettin into so promised myself I’d never let it affect them. He’s cut off all contact with me now with no explanation it’s been 3 days.

[thelostone]

CHall81.. I am in your position. Currently trying to walk away from my boyfriend after 2 years of heroin and crack use. He went into recovery late Feb. Found out last week he lapsed. So I have put up the same barriers – blocked him on all forms and when he knocked at my door last week, I didn’t open it.

Your fella will come back to you.. three days is NOTHING in the chaotic life of an addict. He will get low and come back to you. ADDICTS ALWAYS COME BACK.

Your question should be how much longer do you want to be on this merry-go-round? Then ask yourself this: Can you trust this man again? Because if you can’t, then it’s over. Don’t expect the truth from an addict. A drunk will steal your wallet and apologise. An addict will steal your wallet and help you look for it.

We can’t break away because this relationship, this person is OUR addiction. Maybe you are still at the stage where you still believe you can ‘save him’. That their love for you is enough for them to stop using the drugs. Consider this: women have given up their children for drugs, men have lost their jobs, their houses, addicts have lost EVERYTHING for their drugs. Love is NOT ENOUGH.

You have to start loving yourself. Looking after yourself. Because he won’t. I have walked home alone at 4am because my addict boyfriend cared more for his drugs than me. I could have been mugged, raped, murdered.

You MUST protect your kids, because believe me, you might think you are shielding them from it, but kids are very perceptive, they see a lot more than they say.. and this could have long-term ramifications for your children. Use this silence between you to build your resolve. Put in place some boundaries. And stick to them.

Here if you want to chat or message. STAY STRONG!

[thelostone]

THIS WAS ON ANOTHER POST; FROM A PERSON CALLED DFH. PLEASE READ IT:

‘I’m done

I’ve had enough. The last straw. I’m beginning to feel angry at everything, have struggled too long and suffered too much. I’m starting to hate. I’m becoming someone I don’t recognise.

My husband can keep his crack and his smack. It’s obviously more important to him than us. He has begged, borrowed, lied and stolen. Enough. I have 3 kids, struggled to keep the family and house going aswell as lied and covered his sorry ass. I’ve financially and emotionally supported him. And for what? He now gets to wave the rehab flag and say he will sort himself out? Well yes, do that but I will not be here. I’m out, done, finished.

So I’ve sold my house and bought another despite him doing absolutely everything to sabotage it. And now I call quits. This is not my circus and they certainly ain’t my monkeys. My kids deserve better, I deserve better hell even my dog deserves better.

So addict, I’m sorry but here is where I get off. Thanks for the joy ride, it was eye opening, scary as hell and a life lesson. Always aim higher in life. Don’t be a host for the addict parasite. You lose money, faith and respect. You start to become a horrible person just to protect yourself and kids. No thanks. I’m good. I want a better life and unfortunately you don’t want to be part of it.

Go rehab and get your help. Those who need it more have no such help. Those like us. Those who prop up the addict, the breadwinner, the 2 parents in one.

The parting line for me to others in the same situation is this….know your worth and quit. Leave. It’s not an way way out, your not giving up you are just preserving yourself. If you don’t choose to take the advice you will see what I mean in due course.

And to those who are the addict. I hope you see the damage here and use it to get clean, you will end up destroying real life actual people who have others that depend on them. Those dependants that you can’t actually look after while your sole purpose is drugs. Take yourself and your drugs and kindly leave the person you are destroying. They don’t deserve your lies and deceit or your financial plughole. That my friend is your own responsibility. Your can to carry nor theirs. Inflict your asshole actions on yourself.’

[sukey51]

This is how I’m feeling, I’ve started to switch off I’m hoping he goes back to his mums once corona virus is over, he’s really hurting me mentally and as usual blaming me. I know it’s a disease he’s got but it’s horrible, I’ve told him I’ve left him to carry on with his drugs I don’t care for his denial and lies anymore, I need to stop focusing on him and start getting myself back to what I was before I met him. Zen hope you are doing the same.

[Author]

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