[nicg]

Hi all, my husband confessed to being a cocaine addict 4 months ago. He had always used recreationally but since lockdown it had got a lot worse. Instead of ‘every now and then’ it became every time he drank. Then when I gave birth to our daughter it became almost daily usage. This was all hidden from me. He also hid a time previously (around the same time our son was born) 5 years ago when his usage got bad and he was forced by a friend to seek help. So it’s all been quite a shock. He’s now going to 3/4 CA meetings a week and working the steps, clean for nearly 90 days now. But it’s relentless and hard for me with a 4 year old and 6 month old.

Any advice welcome for any wife’s/partners with young kids. How is everyone coping?

[lookingforhope]

Hi NicG,

I wish I had some helpful advice. I am in a similar position and have really struggled with supporting my partner through recovery while maintaining a “normal” family life for my children.

I’ve found that coming on here helps, knowing that I’m not alone. I’ve also taken steps to prepare for what I have to do if their sobriety doesn’t work, which I take comfort in.

It really isn’t an easy position to be in but I try hard to keep calm and let the resentment pass as it’s not good for me to hold on to my anger about the situation we’re in.

I would just say, that it’s been vital for me not to suffer through this on my own. Tell people you trust and ask for help.

[nicg]

Thanks for responding. If you don’t mind me asking what are those steps if sobriety doesn’t work out? I’ve said to my husband I can support him through anything as long as he’s transparent with me and doesn’t start to hid things again.

I am going between being so supportive and positive to resentful and angry all the time. It’s difficult to know how I’m going to feel from one day to the next!

We are also attending couples counselling which is helping, I’d recommend that if you can do it.

[lookingforhope]

Hi,

Yes, we are doing couples counselling, as well as him doing his own counselling and attending CA. It’s exhausting keeping on top of it all, but I hope it works out for the best.

I’ve taken control of our finances and put a plan in place so that I am completely financially independent if I need to be.

I completely understand the going between being supportive to angry. It’s just so hard. I think like them, it’s best just to take things one day at a time…

I agree, transparency is the only way that recovery works and trust can be rebuilt. I’m keeping everything crossed for you X

[Author]

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