[pops88]

Hello,

My husband left me 4 months ago, said he didn’t know what he wanted , wanted to see if he was happier on his own , a few weeks after the break up I found out he has been abusing cocaine, his personality has completely changed , I noticed the change for about 4 months in the house he felt distant and secretive, I asked him what was wrong, we where best friends had a good relationship, we would of been together 20years in August (married 10) he had interest in anything , I thought he was depressed , I have asked him about it he denies it , I have proof and have been told he is a known user , I am financially independent so I wasn’t paying attention to his money, I did start to ask questions about things he always said we will look later at bank accounts etc, he has very little interest in our children, avoids me as much as possible, this man phoned us about 3 times a day to see what we where up to, he is running about with younger boys drinking and loving life , he never misses the football, and he is looking well, just completely changed his behaviour, he is doing all the stuff he hated , if he could see himself he would die of shame , can someone tell me will he ever realise , the thought of losing his family isn’t enough , he still see’s us sometimes and he knows I will be looking after the children , so he has no worries there , I am the only one suffering I miss him , but feel as if I don’t know him , he just can’t see , he has used cocaine for years I didnt know until about 6 years ago but thought it was just the odd time I didn’t know until recently what way it affects the brain & behaviours, I have learned the hard way , I have red I should run and be glad to be out ,but that is easier said than done , I don’t know what to do, he is the type to never admit , he isn’t violent, and he isn’t bad , he says some hurtful things he doesn’t love me but doesn’t know why, then said he does love me but I’m better without him, can anyone help me figure out where is head is and is it pointless trying to talk to him ? Thanks ????

[Narlem2023]

Hello.

I hope everyone is well. I’m just looking for some wisdom or reassurance that I’m not doing the wrong thing. I have been with my partner for 7 years – we were due to get married in September. We’ve had a Rocky few years with infertility but we were gearing up for a second round of IVF this year. My partner had always been a big drinker we met when we were 21/24 so it was always a part of our socialisation. However in November last year i found 14 bottles of spirits hidden and that’s when it became apparent that my partner had an issue. He said it was just a one off as he was struggling however due to withdrawal seizures he was hospitalised for detox.  In February unfortunately the same thing happened again and he stopped breathing due to 6 seizures back to back… at this point he admitted he was an alcoholic and entered a detox, AA and weekly support meetings. He was sober for 3 months but relapsed last week, I hit breaking point and made the decision that our wedding could not go ahead. Due to his risk of DT’s if he relapsed again he has been advised to go to rehab. Our whole life has come crashing down, he is the most beautiful person and partner but the thought of him hurting me through relapse again is too hard to think about. I have ended the relationship in hope that he will focus on managing this illness for himself but it has broken my heart as I didn’t want the relationship to end. But I know if I carried on he would only be doing it for me, which isn’t enough…have I done the right thing? Or drove him into an even worse position?

[CharlieSnifferOfficial]

Why cant he give up?

Simply because its everywhere around him, junkies are given the wrong stereotype, the worst ones I’ve ever met are all working and have good jobs.

The only way i could ever give up coke and never go back is to move away and start a fresh, very few people can do this as they don’t have the cash to do so.

Ive lost a kidney to it, my liver doesn’t function properly, other health issues are starting to appear too, and im still on the gear… all the time its there and ive got money i cant say no.

You might want to research cocaethylene , coke and alcohol mixed create it and its lethal.

[paw_x]

Charlie – you’re making excuses for yourself here. People can recover. Yes you probably can’t spend all weekend getting drunk and on the gear with your pals anymore, you need a new circle, and that’s what CA meetings are for. People can recover but you do need to leave behind your drug friends for new sober ones.

Pops – it’s really hard to understand what goes through their heads. And being on cocaine long term does not help their mental health either. He needs to want to recover for himself and you need to look after you. He should be at CA meetings, getting himself a sponsor, and making a real attempt at recovery. If he doesn’t you need to take steps to protect you and your kids as it only gets worse and this is your life too. I know it’s so hard when you know the amazing person they were before all this.

Narlem – don’t be hard on yourself for ending it when it all got too much. I did too. Sometimes I think that’s the only way for them to realise what they’ve done. I tried to support my partner for a year after his slip/relapse and it turned out he was using the whole time. The only point he actually went to CA and sorted himself was after I kicked him out. There might be something to be said about letting them hit their rock bottom. The hurt is horrendous, and mines has even attempted suicide, but I didn’t do this to us, he did. It’s up to him to fix this and there is help out there. Look after yourself as it really does take it’s toll on you x

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