[g-o-s]

I have known my mom to be a drug addict for years she has 3 kids all together my oldest sister Tasha , my second oldest Tameka, I’n then there’s me the baby, both of my oldest sisters are in their mid 30’s almost 40’s and I’m 20 years old . I’m unsure of the type of relationship my sisters had with my mom or how they felt when she did drugs , I don’t know what they had to go through I just know none of us where really raised by mom. My oldest sister grew up in Dominican republica with her grandma who pretty much raised her I believe, I’m not really sure who watched over my sisters tameka maybe my mom was in and out of her life, but when it came to me I was raised by my sister tameka and my grandma untill I was about 7 years old I guess they couldn’t take care of me anymore so I ended up moving to durham with my sister Tasha in her husband by this time my sister tasha is already in her career in has a house of her home so she is doing great. But growing up I have always felt that even though I my sisters has raised me I never really had a close bond that I have always wanted with my sister, I wanted to have a close sisterly bond the one like your sister is your bestfriend you can talk to her about any and everything, you can cry on her shoulders in things of that nature. I know that my sister love me in took care of me but I have always felt that none of us has had that in I finally gotten the courage to tell my oldest sister Tasha that. I personally thinks that my sister still has not forgiven my mom for doing drugs in not being able to take care of her because of how I see them interact with each other my mom speaks of my oldest sister with love in has nothing bad to say about her, but my oldest sister Tasha always refer to our mother as your mother in never my mom or her mom almost like our mother didn’t birth her in I have always wondered why. So I asked why And I have told her how I felt in it seems to me when she was younger she has tried to build a relationship with our mom but things didn’t work out the way she had planned so she has completely given up. My sister tameka talks to my mom in my mom helps out when she needs money . When I was younger my mom didn’t do much because she was still a drug addict but now that I’m in college she actually helps out more in I receive money from her every month , we also communicate more then any of my sisters communicate with her. I would like to build a stronger bond with both of my sisters and my mom for all of us but my oldest sister has already closed that chapter of her life, I’m having such a hard time accepting that because that’s not what I want for all of us together.

[g-o-s]

I’m having a hard time accepting that and I hate how my oldest sister always refers to my mom as a crazy person

[icarus-trust]

Hi there,
Thank you for posting your story. I’m sorry that you are having a difficult time trying to support your husband.
I work for a charity called The Icarus Trust. We support people who are living with the impact of the addiction of a loved one. we have trained volunteers who you could talk with which might help you to see where to go next.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
I hope that you can get some help with this.
Good luck.

[cant-take-no-more]

Hey Hunni….your sister talks like that, because that is her personal feelings on your mom…it must have been hard for all 3 of you, and I’m pretty sure your mom feels a sadness at letting you all down. Our relationships with our parents differ from sibling to sibling….it’s up to your sister to sort their relstionship out with your mum, and you should try and respect her feelings….it’s great mum is helping out and you have found some peace with her…..perhaps give her time hun xxxxx

[runner]

Hi StephEd, I posted for the first time yesterday as my son is a cocaine addict, so my heart goes out to you, and I do have some idea of how you are feeling. I haven’t got any answers for you as I am relatively new to all of this, and my son does not use weed, however, I have one or two thought on your post, based on my own experiences with Tom, (my son)
I haven’t ever gone down the ‘stop doing this or I will kick you out’ route .. yet, because I know in my heart that I could never actually follow though with it. This is partly due to the fact that Tom has very fragile mental health which predates the addiction, and he has made at least 5 suicide attempts, I could never live with myself if he killed himself. So my advise to you would be to decide how safe he would be if you did follow through. Then, if you think he would be okay and would be resourceful enough to cope for a while, do it! He will soon realise that he needs clean clothes and something to eat, which if he was ‘sofa surfing’ would be difficult to achieve. It may not be a bad thing for him to realise just how much you do for him, and to have to stand on his own two feet. It is a scary prospect for you though, I totally get that.
With regards to using different drugs when not living under your roof, I’m not sure what the research shows, but maybe you should look to see what the chances are of him progressing onto different drugs. What I do know is that cocaine is very expensive, my son has thousands of pounds worth of debt, and when you are in the mindset of wanting/needing coke, you access it first, pay later, and then the debts start to pile up. So, maybe your son would have the sense not to do this?
I have tried everything within my powers to help my son to be drug free, so far nothing has worked, however, I managed to drag him along to my running club last night, and he actually enjoyed it!! I am now very hopeful that with a different focus and the benefits of a natural high due to exercise, he may just start on the road to recovery, who knows.
Good luck with what ever you chose to do, it is so very hard to know whether what you are doing is the right thing to do or not, I hope that you have family members and friends who can support you too, it is a very lonely place at times.

J

[icarus-trust]

Hi. Thank you for posting your stories.
I know that the situation you are in Is really difficult and it is often hard to know where to turn to for help. I work for The Icarus Trust which is a charity that provides support for people who are having to deal with the addictive behaviour of a loved one. If you think it would help to talk, please contact us. We have trained volunteers who are very experienced and would understand what you are going through.
You can contact us on help@icarustrust.org or visit the website http://www.icarustrust.org
Good luck. I hope you can get some help.

[g-o-s]

Thanks for your advice .

[Author]

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