[xrp]

My 30 year old daughter is a single mum of 2 young children and has been single for about 3 years. Lately she has been going out a lot with a couple of her single friends. She doesn’t get home until 3-4 in the morning.

When she goes out she drinks so much in one evening the next day she spends in bed. I have the children with me overnight.

One of her close friends has a cocaine addiction which she has told me about.

Lately she has been spending more and more time with this friend. Since spending more time with her she always seems to have a very blocked nose and when I have asked her why she’s so blocked she says she thinks she has an allergy.

She has a good job and works about 30 hours a week. The last 5/6 months she literally runs out of money within the first two weeks and is now going out of her overdraft every month. She’s continuously asking me to help her with money which is causing me a lot of stress as all the money I earn is going to help her. She says it’s to buy food and things for the kids and to help pay her bills but now I’m starting to wonder. I have asked her where all her money is going but she says she doesn’t earn enough and it’s all her bills that’s causing her to be so short.

I’m so worried as she’s also stopped looking after her house which is a complete mess when I go there. She doesn’t do her washing so I end up doing it or the kids don’t get clean clothes. I know she loves her kids dearly but she has changed and it’s such a worry as I don’t know what to do? She also has very big mood swings and is on anti depressants and seems to have highs and lows. I don’t want to accuse her of anything in case I am wrong but if I leave things the way they are I can’t see how things will get better and I worry for the children.

Can anyone give me some advice as to how to handle this situation and has anyone else been or going through something similar?

[danman83]

Hi there. Im going through a coke addiction. Ive lapsed 2 times in 3 month. And i hate the stuff. Im doing my very best to stop

Now going to your daughter. If he mate is on it alot. Shes obviously gonna ask if your daughter wants some. And alcohol makes you want coke more and more.

Dont give her the money for bills or food. Say.. ill buy u the food what do you want.. or send me the bill details. See what she says then.

Coke sends you depressed and suicidal. Im on anti deps as well. You need tell her to stop going out as much. And spend time with the kids instead. And get her act together.

But im afraid if she is on coke. She wont stop till she wants to. If u need any advice or help just ask.

[xrp]

Anon

Thank you I will take your advice about the money and just hope she eventually will want to stop! Thanks and I do hope you will beat this yourself! It’s such a worry and awful to watch someone you love do this to themselves

[dnanon]

Hello, this all sounds very similar to my son who is/was taking cocaine. When he had his kids I would buy food for them. I ended up buying all their Christmas presents and food a couple of years ago. Eventually he kept putting me off going to his house, he stopped giving me his washing and borrowing my Hoover. When I got to see the house it was an absolute mess and took weeks to clean before it was eventually sold. All that you have said about your daughter is just like my son – blocked nose, sniffing, mood swings etc. I would suggest trying to speak to your daughter whilst it Is still early days and before she gets in too deep. If she loves her kids maybe focus on how her behaviour is affecting her kids. My son has had periods where he hasn’t seen his kids for months at a time (they live with their mums). It’s difficult as we tried to support our son through a drug counselling service but he stopped going and now I haven’t seen him since November but my husband manages to text him and get a reply.

Danman is right though unless your daughter wants to stop there is nothing you can do. That’s why I thought if you can focus on her kids it may make her think about it more. We have tried everything with our son and have always been there for him but he has literally cut us off and we don’t know what he is up to. We went to counselling ourselves when he was staying with us which may help you get some support, again through the local NHS addiction and counselling service. Any more questions just ask.

[xrp]

Thank you I will take your advice about the money and just hope she eventually will want to stop! Thanks and I do hope you will beat this yourself!

[xrp]

Sorry I sent that message to you but it should have gone to Danman. It is so hard and my problem is I don’t know how to approach her about it because I know she will lie to me and she is very good at doing that. I think at the moment my best approach is not to give her the money but to use it to buy her food and pay a bill direct like Danman advised. Hopefully one day she might ask for my help. I do hope one day your son will also be well again.

[danman83]

Just keep an eye on her and make her aware of the dangers. Just make sure when the nights out stop.. the habbit doesnt stay with you while your in the house at the weekend on your own, like mine did. They say if you take it for 6 month , just once a month, your addicted.

But everyone is different i guess. Good luck

[Author]

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