[BeverlyRose]

I’m surprised to find myself posting here but I am out of options and would appreciate any advice from anyone. I am in my early 30s and have been caring for my mother who has mental health problems and is an alcoholic since I was a teenager.

She managed to quit drinking and was stable for 6 years after 10 years of drinking heavily (sometimes 5 bottles of wine a day plus up to 10 cans of cider). During that time she met her current husband and got married and got a job.

Over the last 2 years she has started drinking again and drinks so heavily its all I can think about. She will drink vodka, gin, wine and cider constantly and refuses to drink anything that doesn’t have alcohol in it. I’ve tried to look after her purse for her so she can’t buy alcohol but this isn’t sustainable as she needs her freedom and will find a way to order from her phone. She has been in contact with local alcohol help services but they only offer a 2 weekly phonecall which she is normally too drunk to answer. The GP has tried to speak to her but she just says she’s trying and carries on drinking. I have also paid for her to have private therapy and she paid 6000 for 2 weeks in rehab last year, but now has no money to do this again.

 

I visit her and try to take her out to have some fun together as much as I can as I now live an hour away, but I can’t be there all the time. Her husband is at a loss and struggles to cope or offer her any support as she can become abusive when she drinks and due to her mental health (she also has schizo-affective disorder) she has been sectioned in the past but that is a traumatic experience for her and tends to make things worse in the long run.

I’m so worried every day that I’m going to get a phonecall that something awful has happened and I’ll lose my best friend.

 

Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read this x

[anon72]

I understand you. I am 19 years old and for as long as I can remember my mum has been an Alcoholic. I am currently making the decision to move in with my boyfriend of 5 years because I can’t take being at home anymore but the guilt of leaving is eating me up. Like you I have tried and tried to help my mum and even she has tried to stop a few times but I guess it’s just so common for alcoholics to call back into old habits.
I understand your pain and I guess I don’t have much advice but I can tell you your not alone. Last night I told my mum nearly everything I’ve ever wanted to say but never have because I’ve always been too scared that she would try to kill herself if she heard the truth of how her addiction made me and my brothers feel. It felt good to get it out into the open but I also feel tremendous guilt. She didn’t drink today because of what I said and hopefully that is the solution. The harshness and rawness of what I said made my mum not want to drink today so now I am going to be there to praise and support this decision. Maybe that’s what you can do, lay out all your cards on the table be as open and honest as you can and don’t think about her feelings whilst doing so. Be selfish. Say exactly how you feel and all of your concerns and maybe this will motivate your mum. I hope everything is okay I see this was posted 2 weeks ago. Really just hope you know your not alone and whatever happens it is not your fault you can’t live your life in fear and worry, I know that feeling and i understand you.

[eddie123]

Hi there, this sounds like a very difficult situation for you and I am sorry. I know of a great charity that supports people like yourselves nationwide. The family support programme is all remote and they help many families a year. Please see link and fill in the referral and someone will endeavour to respond within 24 hours. https://adaptoxford.org.uk/the-icarus-programme/

They also have a free treatment programme for Addicts if your loved one wants the help, give them call or fill in the referral on their website.

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