[2468anyadvice]

Hi Drained and tired.

I’m sure all your hard work will pay off. We’ll done for taking a stand.

We shouldn’t have to tolerate there bad behaviour little own the effects of a substance they choose too take.

I wish you all the best x

My x partner is still in denial. Even being locked up in jail hasn’t made him think clearly.

Also I get the sense his family are distancing me and feeling such pitty for him.. its so sad as they know I have nobody, there son made this choice and has for many years . I do believe taking a stand can stear them in a better direction if they want it.

But most of all you have respect and boundaries for your self and the future. X

[2468anyadvice]

Hello Danman.

Thanks for your reply and congratulations on your success so far. That is so amazing I bet you are feeling so much better I wish you all the best.

I do honestly believe he had stop for around 2 years. As he was doing drug testing for work and his whole thinking and behaviour was so much different to the person on substance. Also instead of selling every he had we were build a life.. I do believe he had a weak moment and was hanging around some bad company the last few weeks also these people inject aswell… not though any of that should be an excuse. I feel so sad and disappointed has gone down this road and I’m not willing to be mad into a fool… how many chances do you honestly give someone. Even if he decides to let up with these people and that kind of company I’m sure there will always be another person.

[2468anyadvice]

You are so right … they did choose this life style and I believe if you get the urge to relapse again your basically walking through a door with your eyes wide open…

My daughter is now older too and at some point I’m responsible for what happens in her life. I can’t have these random people around they are yuck and unfortunately her father is no better to be choosing those as friends. I think this time regardless what happens I need to make my point very clear to him. At the end of the day my children need direction and structure and I can’t give them my full attention if I’m basically trying to keep a 35 year old on track… far out they should be so ashamed.

Well the last time I saw him was last week wensday when I threw my bank statement at him asking why are you buy fit packs from a chemist if your not using drugs ??? He didn’t know what to say. Long story short after me yelling at him the police were called. They asked him to move on and he escalated into something so big he was arrested.

He has been back in jail since.

I’m now wondering if I should break the news to him while he is in there that I’m so done with all this sh*t.

Hopefully he can somehow process that in jail and not come after me again like last time. X

I was laying in my bed the other night and I actually felt a sign of peace I didn’t need to ask 100 questions I didn’t need to see if he ate dinner I didn’t have to walk on egg shells or cringe at the fact his coming to bed… to know your partner is in jail and too feel so much peace with it. What a sad life they choose to live.

[2468anyadvice]

Hello ( drained and tired )

Thanks for you response… so I don’t think it is herion then.

Guess these days you just never know. So my partner had a really bad addiction to cocaine in 2013 I think he started off smoking it and by 2016 he was definitely injecting. I kicked him out as he would disappear for days. Leaving me to raise our first child who was only 6 months old.

I ended up leaving him because he was so toxic and was destroying everything I enjoyed in life. He was basically living on the streets and had nothing. He found me one day and was so violent that he served 2 years in prison. I basically cut all contact at that point. Once he was released he was clear minded and was sorry for everything this really was a big change he put alot of effort in to prove he had changed. 3 years on he hadn’t touched anything our relationship couldn’t of been any better. We actually saved money and braught a new car and boat and were saving for a house BUT…Unfortunately last year he was diagnosed with fibromyalgia its like a nerve problem in the brain that gives you constant pain. Due to being on daily medication to cope he could no longer work as a qualified mechanic on this medication. I think this brought on a form of depression and maybe this is why he relapsed… I think this time he has only been using off and on for 3 to 4 months. He has never left home for the night but I’m sure his dealer is only in the next street from us.. I’m really at a loss.

I feel I have waisted alot of my time and effort that I can’t do this again.

I wish I could be there to help but I also think it’s time to walk away. I can’t imagine going down this road all over again to think about it honestly makes me want to skip the country and never return. Sorry to just go on and on … I’m sure your own issue are draining enough to take in… I just get the urge to write it down. It almost gives my brain the break to stop thinking about it. I haven’t spoken to any family this time around I can’t handle the judgement right now.

I admire how brave you have been and I’m sure this change in the long run will bring you lots of happiness x

[2468anyadvice]

Thank you (drained and tired)

Congratulations to you for taking a stand and mostly taking care of your needs what they do is disgusting and no one should have to tolerate it at all… do you mind if I ask what the behaviour is of herion? Is it different to cocaine? I ask because my partner choice of drug before getting clean was cocaine but to be honest since the relapse it could be anything now. He has never done any substance around me or even tried to offer it too me. He would rather leave for the day and come back high. When I would ask if he is high I would just get story after story with a bunch of lies. So I’m curious to know the difference in behaviours.

[2468anyadvice]

Hi and welcome.

Sorry your partner has let you down. It’s devastating to believe in them and trust them to find out its all been one big lie. I also hate this drug it doesn’t just destroy the user but everyone around them also suffers. What’s even more sad is they find a gate way out with drugs. While we sit here trying to rack our brains with all these questions and emotions.

Hope your okay.

[2468anyadvice]

Hello heartbroken88,

I am really sorry your going through a tough time. I read your post and feel what you are going through.

I like how you talk about the behavioural side.

I’m new to this site and the more I read the more these behaviours are similar as are the responses from them. And thats very interesting to know. I really want to inform my self more. You would think over 10 years of this I would be inform enough. But apparently not. Its a new horrible horra story every time. Only ever letting me and the children down. I really like to hear other stories/ advice it gives some kinda insight of I’m not alone and there is help and alot of people manage to pull through. It gives me a little hope that I can pull my self together it’s okay to feel horrible and torn apart. I must add that you are very strong and although still very upset you seem to have a good direction on what you want out of life.

I’m still trying to push my self and escape this mess.

All the best to you and your children and I wish you lots of happiness and peace x

[2468anyadvice]

Sorry you are going through a tough time. I like your question as I am going through the same problem with my partner who actually is an ex partner now. ( last week )

I have been with with him for over 12 years and its been hard.

I constantly think he will change he stops and starts all the time. It leaves me feeling so confused and upset. I’m constantly let down and I feel like every 3 months we go back to squares one. He has completely broken my trust and let our children down. I would also love to hear other insights on this.

He has been crying to have me back but then when I ask him to make changes for example stop socialising

with bad company and maybe change his phone number the reply I got back was if you are going to control me then this relationship won’t work he wants to be able to do as he wants… this I just can’t understand I’m not trying to control him I just want him to make good choices and try better his life. Is this a bad thing I’m asking… sorry to just go on but how can you help someone with an addiction and what are the signs that basically tell you to walk away…. please any advice !

[2468anyadvice]

Oh no sorry your not doing to well.

I know its hard and somedays are just worse then others.

Did he mention we’re he was on Thursday ?

Or even seemed concerned about you?

Could you maybe buy him a cheap phone that he can call you from ?

Would this maybe ease your stress?

The question is would he answer or take your calls.

It may just become another bunch of endless stories why it was stolen or lost …..

They seriously have no idea what they do to us.

I know its really hard and your hurting. But please try stay strong I’m sure your boy needs you and he would want you to be happy.

Do you have any friends you can talk with or go visit?

Sometimes a coffee some fresh air a chat helps if you have someone and they are not going to judge you just support you in this tough time it might help you.

[2468anyadvice]

Hello,

Hope it’s okay,

I just wanted to see how you are going ?

Any news with your husband yet ?

I’m here if you need to chat.

Jess

[2468anyadvice]

I am so sorry you husband is putting you through all this stress.

I always find it so charming how they get there high why we sit at home getting a low…

So my partner used substance occasionally off and on for 10years.

I was 16 when I met him and kinda didn’t know any better. As life went on and I became a first time mum I wanted a change this life style no longer was okay.

My partner did the same thing he would disappear for 3 to 4 days come home give me some sob story shower/sleep and leave the next day… his addiction cause alot of issues and landed him in jail for 3 years. I believe this gave him that break we both actually needed. When he was released he was clean for another 4 years… like I said in my previous post those 4 years were the best of my life nothing could of been better… unfortunately it took a drug dealer moving into our street. A few conversations later good bye happy life. I noticed about 6 months ago things were changing. Behaviour -mouth was dry and jittery. All the symptoms I needed really just not his honesty when I asked…

(are you using again) Of course I got all the stories you would need to be convinced otherwise. I even believe it was me self destroying my relationship maybe even being too paranoid.

Until I got the receipt from the chemist last wensday confirmation he brought a fit pack to inject.

I guess it couldn’t be anymore clear and no lie or story could change what I knew… so on Thursday I asked him to leave.. of course he did it was a perfect opportunity to go get high AGAIN…..

He returned on Friday just sitting in my backyard on the table very spokey and yes high as… I asked him to leave as I was feeling unsafe he started yelling at me. I think my neighbours called the police as the came knocking at my door. They gave my partner a move on notice for 24 hours. He absolutely flipped out and took on 5 police officers. He was arrested and is currently waiting in jail for a court hearing. I keep thinking what if I said the wrong thing to him… that could of been me getting attacked. I took a restraining order out so he actually can’t come back to the house. I’m sharing this with you because they can change so quickly. I’m not sure how your partner behaves but mine went from the man I would of married to the biggest nightmare within months.. I have no idea how I should be feeling and I guess he won’t even care or remember the pain I’m going through.

I have no idea what to do next I’m 35 and I don’t want to keep living this up and down life. Iv never touched drugs and I would never touch it. It has destroyed everything in my life already without having tried it.

I hope you are safe and don’t spend to much of your time stressing about you husband. I know its hard but they wouldn’t be sitting with there dealer discussing or thinking of how upset we are. X

[2468anyadvice]

Thank you for your response,

Yes this life style is very draining.

I actually had no one to talk to about anything.

Luckily good Google took me to this Web site.

Sadly alot of stories are similar

It just so sad.

I have no idea what my next move is. If anyone had asked me 6 months ago. Am I happy !

I would of said yes.

I honestly didn’t see my life going back down the same path after 4 years of greatness. This all happened so quickly within 3 months my whole world has been broken.

Iv had his family just show up and collect all his belongings.

I feel like I’m getting the blame for something I had no control over.

I’m still coming to terms with what’s just happened.

My poor children 11years 8years and six months don’t need to see me so destroyed and constantly crying.

But for some reason I just can’t pull myself together anymore.

Maybe its because in our past history it took a few years to all go sour and I left. After he stayed clean for 4 years I really trusted him again and loved this person so much more.

And then too find out its happened all over again I’m so mad and frustrated.

All that trust gone in a second and some how he is finding ways to blame me for his poor choice.

When all I do is care for my children and pay for everything in this house while he has been going around getting high…… omg im such a fool

And now I’m trying to understand how to let go all over again.

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