[4everhoping]

Thank you for your comments.I know the feeling of thinking you may have done something wrong. I often questioned myself but not any more. I know deep down it isn’t my fault that my son made the choices he did. He has told us he doesn’t blame us that he only has himself to blame. I think guilt must be a mum thing! I know there are people who feel we should walk away and leave them to it. It’s their “choice” to ruin their lives but it shouldn’t ruin everyone else’s etc, etc. I often think the people who say these things don’t really have a clue what it’s like to have a child…even if adult…who is addicted.They don’t understand the grief you go through. At the end of the day we have to live with ourselves and the choices WE make. We choose to not walk away and we too have to live with whatever consequences arise from that and that’s not always easy either. I wish you and your family well and hope you can stay strong in supporting your daughter and not let all the stress come between you. x

[4everhoping]

My son has been a heroin addict from the age of 19, he is now 37. In the early days when we were so naive my husband and I made so many mistakes when dealing with our son…mostly out of fear. Fear of what would happen if we didn’t allow him home to live,going against advice from those who knew better in the rehab place..so many mistakes I’m sure. We loved him so much and were so frightened. Sadly we can look back and realise that nothing we ever did was enough to really help him because he is still fighting his addiction now. All I can say is that despite everything we have been through with him we have done the very best we could never turning our back on him, always trying to support him the best we could. We have had to change though and stand firm over not allowing him to live with us or giving him money but there have still been many ways to show we care and support him to get well. In the end as his parents we made a conscious decision that we would do whatever we felt was right regardless of others advice. By others I mean family or well meaning friends. As we wait in hope of him having the opportunity to go into rehab again we will listen to those who really do know better but he is our son and we have to live with ourselves and if heaven forbid we should lose him then I don’t want to have on my conscience that we denied him food, or a bit of electricity for his flat or some such help or support. It is very important to us that through all the horrors we have been through with him, through his darkest times, that he knows how much he is loved.We never lose hope that he will get well and lead a normal happy and healthy life.If others can walk away that is what they should do..if they can live with that choice and get on with their life…we couldn’t walk away but you do have to get on with life regardless.I also live in hope that I will stop feeling an overwhelming sadness. Sadness for all the lost years, that our son is capable of being so much more than he is right now. He has lost and missed out on so much. In his clearer moments he is well aware of the pain and upset he has caused his family and he has so many regrets but part of us trying to support him is getting him to look forward and not back and not to burden him with guilt which wouldn’t help him at all on top of all the negative feelings he has.So rightly or wrongly we are here for him and try to put aside our sadness and all the other emotions you go through and never lose hope that he will turn his life around.Hopefully then the pain will stop.

[4everhoping]

I have just found and joined this site and this poem was the first thing I read. It moved me to tears and seemed to say everything I have thought or felt about my son. I write poetry too sometimes and have written about my son and his problems and the effect it has on myself and family but your poem says far more to me.

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