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We’re just waiting for the bubble to burst again coz it will and we’ll be closer to saying enough is enough!!!
Yes we want our son back too. I’m not sure how much he owes but he never had anything left when he got paid this month so now we have to go another month with him not contributing or paying his Bill’s. He said he didn’t even have enough to pay his phone bill. I think he’ll be summonsed soon about non payment to loan companies. To be fair he’s been very different the last 2 days, nicer not so edgy. Whether it was a realisation after he went to his support group or me going to one. We’ll never know, I just wish he’d open up to us. He did go out for a pint last night but with his uncle and only for an hour. He wouldn’t go out with all the boys to our local. Maybe he owes money there or hes avoiding temptation who knows. I hope your son starts getting some sort of professional help I really do so you can get him back and he can see the kids again and like you I wish I hadn’t fallen for all the promises and lies and realised what was going on at least I’d be richer and not have to watch every penny!
I went to a meeting last night for relatives and friends of drug and alcohol addicts. A lady there said she up and moved and didn’t even tell her son where they were moving to. It seems to have made a difference in that he’s had to cope moving from one crack den to another but now hes in shared accommodation. It’s not perfect and hes not fully recovered but they had to take that step even though it killed her. So I guess what I’m trying to say is drastic action does work for some.
We’ve not had a brilliant week with our son admitting hes never stopped and owes so many people. My husband is a nervous wreck, he so worried what the final outcome is going to be but our son seems better after his meeting yesterday. I am determined though if his erratic behaviour and drug taking doesn’t stop he’ll have to go.
Hopefully your decision not to help will make your son wake up too!
It’s hard Jasminnie and how they treat us is unbearable but it has to be a means to an end. They will thank us in the end, not now but maybe in years to come. Keep strong xx
In my case I’ve had to take him into work and pick him up but even that is making it too easy for him.
I feel as guilty as hell too but they have to learn. Dont do it you cant afford it x
Keep strong Kate. 2019 has been a horrible year for us and I’m sure for you but we can get through this. We can’t fix everything like when they were young we just have to realise this is not our problem its theirs.
She shouldn’t be asking you for money . I was only ever asked for money by his wife once back last October when they were still together. She has never involved me in financial matters since they’ve been split up. Maybe if your son doesn’t have access to his children he’ll think about what hes doing.
I asked my son if he had the money to pay back his dad he said he hasn’t even got money for his bills. He only got paid today. Hes burying his head in the sand again. Its doing my head in and hes taking the piss out of us. Bed and board for free and the use of my car. Really need to read the riot act but he wont sit down and talk.
Just as bad as me! He went out like I said to get tobacco. I couldn’t get hold of him then he he replied saying he had done something stupid to make things better. Apparently he went to the other side of town to play poker and was so close to winning £20,000 but lost £500. I was absolutely livid. I felt so sick I couldn’t speak to him. I have no idea what hes going to do. He owes so much to loan companies and other people and of course dealers. I will not be bailing him out. I am done with his stupidity. I could cry I didn’t sleep last night. Why on earth did he think he could do this!!!
No but they’re so manipulative they’ll make us believe anything.
It’s all so very sad isn’t it but we can’t keep helping them with money. I’m so worried what he will be like when he comes home. I’ve just txt my son but he wont respond.
Kate/Jasminnie So my son came home from work quite upbeat, not miserable or angry. Now my worry begins because hes gone out to so say get some tobacco. My deep down thoughts are hes going to get some coke as he gets paid tomorrow. I asked him how hes got money for tobacco and he said his wife sold the dining room table and gave him £20 . I dont know if this is true not. I hate not trusting him but I just have to wait until he comes home to see how he is.
That’s good it’s hard but well done. It has to be tough love but I know its not easy, I’m the first to admit that x
Jasmine/Kate, I could cry for all of us. Theres that emotional blackmail again. Jasmine I often have a quiet tear and then I think actually you’re not doing this to us anymore. Its a rollercoaster of emotions and I know we both wish they were not living at home and just go but I would be worried to death tbh. Kate have you googled for help in your local area there has to be somebody else you can talk to who will reaffirm you are doing the right thing by not giving him money. We will always be the bad guys if we dont bail them out.
Not as far as I know just that he has a deadline to pay it before they start doing things to the house where his wife and son live but I don’t know whether that’s true or just to worry me into giving him money. I dont know if they did before she asked him to leave. Its emotional blackmail all the time and because we love them we fall for it. He blames her for chucking him out saying he wouldn’t be as bad now if they had stayed together. He says since hes been back living at home hes been the worse hes ever been and I think that may be true as hes had it too easy. Before last July he always paid me back if I leant him any money and he said it was because he gambled but if I could show you the begging texts I was getting since last July it would break your heart. Hes admitted the cocaine habit has taken over the gambling!