[Ahurtwife]

Hello my lovely, I’m in a similar position. Over the last year I have ‘discovered’ that my husband of 20 years, partner of 35 years, father to our 3 children is addicted to cocaine and is a spiralling alcoholic. Last night I found out he has always done since we have been together. He thinks it is OK, and it appears, cocaine is acceptable to alot of our society. They don’t see what we see, they don’t getvtge psychosis, tge lies, accusations, financial predicament we are put in. And then we get blamed for ending relationships. No blame, reason seems to be attributed to the addict themselves as they are ‘unwell’.

This won’t be helping you but just so you know you aren’t alone. It’s not in your head, you are NOT to blame – i am talking to you and me!!

Honestly, get shot as quick as you can, don’t look back. Everything I have read in a zillion different places doesn’t seem to find a cure or the end of the addiction.  We are at the bottom, being trampled on, our hearts cut out and strewn around the neighbourhood. People really don’t get it. You are worth more, we all are, your child is worth more. Good luck my lovely. If you find the answer let me know. Xxx

[Ahurtwife]

Have you both seen the documentary on the BBC?? It might help??

But can I ask, why you do it and do you want to stop???

 

I am trying to find out what makes an addict stop?? From what I have read, an addict has to hit zero before they can get help??

[Ahurtwife]

My lovely I am just about to do the same thing. My husband has a big problem with cocaine and alcohol. I have found out in the last 6 months that the cocaine has been an issue gor many years and it appears it was not a secret to many people. I can’t take any more lies or deceit. I have no doubt made it worse by not kicking up over unpaid bills and financial contributions to our children or our house/lives. Or the non-parenting of our children. I am filing for divorce to protect my children and me. I really can’t take any more.

Have you seen tge documentary on the BBC?? It does show things from both perspectives,  but, the addict needs to recognise that they have a problem and they want help? I may have it wrong.

Good luck, and from what I have read here over tge last 6 months is that you have to protect yourself, because no-one else will xxx

[Ahurtwife]

Pops88, i can reiterate every word you have written. I guess that’salways the question, Why??

I am so pleased I have found this site, I have been driving myself insane, becoming as paranoid as he is. All because I care.

Just out of interest has he gone?? If so, how did you get him out??? Big hugs lovely  it isn’t you or your fault. Xx

[Ahurtwife]

Why did this happen? what have you done to our children? How can you ever say you loved me? How can any human treat their loved ones this way. You absolute selfish bustard..   I just wish I had the balls to say it.

Thank God for th8s forum, you have quite possibly saved my sanity xx

[Ahurtwife]

I could have written all of this myself, except the bit about moving out. My husband will not go. I found out he has been taking cocaine 4 months ago. I now find out it has probably been for the last 6 years and it appears he is known for it. I have never been allowed to ask questions about anything, especially money. And permanently am held to ransom. We have 3 amazing children and a job.

I honestly vmcannot take anymore. I have told him, written to him text him. He just will not go. How can I get rid??? He is taking this vile stuff with the children in the house. I have a 16vyear old daughter, a 15 year old son and a 12 year old daughter ??????

 

[Ahurtwife]

Hiya

Soo can someone help me?? I found out 3 months ago that my husband has been taking Cocaine, it seems alot. As tge months have gone on it appears he is known for it in his old local pub, and many people are not surprised. He doesn’t know I have told them. There are major financial issues and it now seems as if I have enabled his addiction by nit ‘forcing’ him to financially contribute to our house/family, but believed him when he has said he has had no money.

I have asked him repeatedly get help,  he won’t, I have asked him to go, he won’t. The mood swings are becoming out of control. The paranoia is ridiculous, at one point he thought my neighbour had a contract out on my life??

So, what do I do, I actually can’t take any more and the children are also suffering???

[Ahurtwife]

Hello everyone, I cannot believe I have found this page. Thank you. Finally someone is saying exactly what is in my head. I am hoping g that by keeping reading what you have been through I will be able to put my big girls pants on and file for a divorce.

So, here it is. I have been with my husband since I was 16, he was 18. We got married when I was 33, I am now 51. We have 3 amazing children 16, 14 and 11. My husband has always ‘dabbled’ although I didn’t realise how much. Last September my friend caught him picking some up at tge bottom of our road, I asked, he was nasty and of course denied all knowledge, hurling abuse and making me doubt my sanity. December I receive a white envelope, which he had removed from the house and put in the car, stating that we had a ‘charge order’ on the house and this is when the lies blew open. After this he left a wrap (used) in the middle of the floor, of course swearing blind it wasn’t his. I have found them in pockets, behind the sofa cushions. I have challenged him and asked him to leave for the sake of the children.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Until the last 2 months I had no idea how bad it is and how complicit I have been. He has had massive paranoia, he believed at one point that I was having an affair with my neighbour ( he has put a camera outside for ‘security’). He has said that the same neighbour has taken a contract out on my life. He actually believed this.</p>
He has paid nothing towards the house or children for 3 years, and now I realise not much before and I have allowed this to happen.

I found out 2 weeks ago that he was known in his old local pub for ‘it’.

He doesn’t go out, except work, he has jo interest in anything other than himself and berating me, when he lowers himself to speak to me. Lost the plot when I stopped doing his washing!!!!

 

I have asked him to leave he says I have more money than me and I should leave, I said it wasn’t safe, he lost the plot.

Sooo now I have realised, that this has been going on for 20 years on and off. It has now become a way of life, and I have luke a prat enabled him to continue this double life. I have spoken to a solicitor and she has said that apparently pornboften goes hand in hand with cocaine.

So I have now a husband who has more unopened letters than anyone could believe. Debts on the house, and a wife who cannot get rid of him.

So a question, how can I get him to m9ve out?????

I am at rock bottom, not sure how much linger I can cope, the emotional stuff. The two eldest chikdeen kniw we are splitting, tgey think it is money and some alcohol. I have 2 businesses which I have built. I employ 56 people, I need to function, I need to survive

Thank you for reading xx

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